


The Elven Epoch

by nero749



Series: Solas & Ellana [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: DA4, DA:I - Freeform, Dragon Age - Freeform, Dragon Age Inquisition, Elves, F/M, Fen'Harel - Freeform, Multi, Other, Post DA:I, Post Dragon Age Inquisition, Post-Trespasser, Solavellan, ancient elves - Freeform, dragon age inquisition fan fiction, ellana lavellan - Freeform, the dread wolf - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-30 13:15:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 86,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5165132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nero749/pseuds/nero749
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><img/><br/>One year after the events of Trespasser, Ellana Lavellan is increasing her power, finding new allies along the way, and facing that there is a good chance she will eventually have to fight Solas. Solas is building his power as well, preparing for an inevitable war, he hasn't told Ellana the truth about. Ellana and Solas still meet in dreams, but after a year of silence Ellana does something that drastically changes their relationship.<br/>Meanwhile elves all across Thedas are being forced to choose sides in the upcoming war, ultimately leaving the fate of Thedas in the hands of the elves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A this takes place after Trespasser, I try to answer some of the questions from the game (like where the Blight comes from, what role Titans and elves played before the veil, Solas' nature, etc). Each chapter that has one of these 'big reveals' will also have a post linked where I explain how I got to that conclusion. However, if I get something wrong with the lore, feel free to let me know, or link me to better info!
> 
> A lot of the previous games characters will come back, but I have only listed characters that already appear in the first chapter because I don't want to give too much away, and because if you came here because of them you might feel disappointed that they don't play bigger parts in this story.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana meets Solas in the Fade, but after a year of silence, she decides to push for change.

“Don’t you ever tire of this?” Ellana asked, her back still turned to the wolf. She was sitting on the forest floor, her knees drawn up close to her face, arms wrapped around her legs.

The forest always looked the same, like it was summer and autumn was about to set in. There was still a lot of green in the trees, but all around Ellana there were brown leaves. She had found herself in this forest many nights this past year, tonight she’d arrived to find the forest empty and she decided to wait, expecting to see Solas. Ellana had sat down and the solitude had given her time to consider this past year and all the dreams she’d had during that time.

As always Solas had eventually shown up, a great black wolf half-hidden between the trees, red eyes staring at her. There had been the sound of something moving behind her, then she’d looked over her shoulder and found him looking at her. The wolf was standing at a distance as always, but rather than feel the aching happiness Ellana normally felt when she saw Solas, she now just felt tired.

“How many nights have we been here?” Ellana continued, no longer expecting an answer. “How many times have I reached out to you, only for you to retreat?” She shook her head. “Why are you here? To watch me? To remind me of your reach?” Ellana stood up, keeping her back to the wolf. “I don’t know if I want to keep doing this, Solas,” she said. And she willed herself awake, just a fraction too late to see the wolf start to approach her.

Ellana awoke in her own bed; the forest gone. It was still dark outside and Ellana guessed she couldn’t have slept for longer than a few hours. Her head still felt heavy with sleep and Ellana wanted to lie back down, but tempting as the warmth of the small bed was to her, she didn’t want to dream again this night. Instead she threw the blankets off her and got up. Ellana got dressed, it took her less effort than when she had first lost her left arm, still it was often frustrating. Her eyes stung as if they were hurting from being forced open. After getting her shirt on she pinned the left sleeve to her arm so it wouldn’t get in the way. At some point in the future, when Ellana would have a more stable home, when she might even return to her clan, she would start to mend her clothes so they would fit her new shape.

It was quiet in the small house she lived in now, no doubt the others were still asleep. Ellana tried to be as quiet as she could, sneaking down the stairs to the small living room. Yawning, she crossed the room, trying not to trip over the scattered shoes and bags laying on the floor. In one corner there was a large table, despite the fact that they usually ate at the table, it was covered in papers, some scrolls, and scraps of parchment with hastily written reports on them. Ellana picked up a large red book from the small chair near the fireplace and took it with her to the table. She opened it where she had last left off, hoping to get some research done while she kept herself awake.

Despite her best efforts Ellana felt sleep sneaking up on her. Within an hour she felt so tired her eyes refused to stay open and her head kept bobbing down. Eventually Ellana accepted that she would either go back to bed or fall asleep on the table.

Yawning, she relented and went back upstairs. Ellana quickly undressed – it was often easier than getting dressed was – and lay back down in her bed. She looked outside and saw the smallest change in the sky, a tiny bit of blue had started to appear. She closed her eyes hoping for a dreamless sleep; in a few hours the others would wake her.

 

“Vhenan,” the voice was weak and a slight tremor was audible.

Ellana froze. In the year since she had last seen Solas in the real world, Ellana had not heard his voice. Not once, not in any of these 'dreams.' She slowly turned around; he was no longer the wolf, instead Solas was standing there, wearing the armour he’d had on the last time she’d seen him. Even after all this time, and knowing what she did, Ellana still felt the desire to rush over, but she knew – after seeing it happen countless times – that that would only make him leave, so instead she just stood there. Ellana scanned Solas’ face for some kind of indication of why he was speaking to her now, when he never had before.

“How are–" Solas stopped mid-sentence, perhaps realising how absurd the question would sound. Solas looked down at the forest ground. Ellana remained silent, after being denied all the times she wanted to speak to him, she now did not know what to say or ask. Still, Ellana felt glad to hear his voice, even as she cursed herself for being so happy that Solas was speaking to her.

Solas met her eyes. “Has it been difficult, adjusting?” he nodded at her arm. Ellana looked down at her left arm, only her upper arm was left; it had only been during the past few months that her arm had also been missing in her dreams. At first it would still be there while in the Fade, this had been troublesome to Ellana because it made waking without it more difficult, but she had started to accept the loss of her arm, and so in dreams she now looked like herself. “It has been… an _adjustment_ ,” she said. Solas looked pained, which absurdly made Ellana feel guilty in return. “But I’ve accepted it, better to lose an arm than a life.”

“Yes,” Solas said. “If there had been another way I would’ve spared you this,” he added after a short pause.

Ellana wondered if that only applied to her arm. “I know. I believe you.”

“To be honest, I had thought the mark would kill you much quicker than it was affecting you,” Solas said, “it seems I am always underestimating you.”

“And me you.” Ellana rubbed her left arm. “You must have quite the army by now,” she said, pursing her lips, “elves have been disappearing all over Thedas.”

Solas raised an eyebrow, “I am not the only one responsible for that, I believe.”

Ellana narrowed her eyes, it made sense that he knew elves were also joining her, she was naïve to believe she could keep a secret that big from him. It didn’t help that the elves choosing her side were marking their left hands to show their loyalty to her (or perhaps their rebellion against the Dread Wolf). Ellana wondered if they would still join her cause if she had not been an elf herself. Or if the elves told different tales about the Dread Wolf.

“I have to try to stop you, I can’t just watch you destroy this world,” Ellana said and she wondered why she sounded so apologetic.

“I understand,” Solas replied, “we are both of us fighting for our worlds. And our people.”

Ellana shook her head. “Our people are not separate.”

“I realise you cannot see it but–"

“Mythal sees us as _her_ people,” Ellana said, knowing Solas at the very least respected Mythal's opinion enough to consider it.

Solas clenched his jaw and Ellana wondered what was wrong. “She… well, it is not important.” He fell back into silence.

They stood there, both of them quiet for a while. Already Ellana was dreading the moment she’d wake up. Would he speak to her again, next time they met? She desperately wanted to change his beliefs, make Solas change his plans, but if he would never speak to her…

“Solas, do you remember what you said to me, just before the first time we kissed?”

Solas looked surprised. “Yes,” he answered, after a short pause he added: “I said you changed everything.”

“What did you mean by that? You didn’t just mean I changed the chances of fighting Corypheus, there was more behind those words wasn’t there?”

Solas rocked on his soles. “Yes. You made me… you made me pay more attention to the world, you made me see more.”

“But not enough to make you spare this world?”

Solas looked at the ground again. “Vhenan, if I spare this world I am betraying my people, I cannot make that choice, the debt I owe them is too great.”

“You cannot believe that destroying one world makes up for the destruction of another?” Ellana felt frustrated.

“You have not seen what the world was before, there were wonders you cannot imagine and the people, they were so different.”

“Better you mean?”

“That’s what I believed,” Solas said. Much to Ellana’s surprise he took a step towards her. “Before meeting you.” He looked at her and briefly smiled. “But you are… hmm, _different_ , the mark gave you a stronger connection to the Fade, one people lack in this new world.”

“I am not different from any of them.”

“I beg to differ. You are. Otherwise we would not be able to have this conversation. Even after losing the mark your mind has amazing focus, proven by your ability to navigate the Fade with such ease.”

Ellana risked taking a step closer as well, Solas did not move. “Perhaps you have not given enough people the chance to proof to you that we are… well, whatever your random definition is of what people need to be.”

“You are probably right,” Solas said.

Ellana took another step forward. “But you don’t want to give them that chance? Because it will be easier not to?”

“In the long run, yes.”

“And what about the elves who fight for you? Do you consider them people?” Ellana felt anger bubbling up now. He had shown such compassion during their time in the Inquisition, why was this so difficult?

Solas clenched his jaw. “Yes," Solas said, his voice hard. "As I consider everyone else in this world.” Solas took a step forward. “ _You_ made me see that. But they are not _my people_ , and they are… incomplete _._ ”

Ellana shook her head. “Perhaps if you had not spent so much time asleep you would feel more connected to this world, maybe you’d be able to see its beauty.”

“I can,” Solas replied angrily. “I do see its beauty and the worth of its people, but I cannot ignore what has been lost. What could be gained.”

“But how can you ignore what might be lost, what it might cost you to restore your world?” Ellana said heatedly, advancing a little.“You cannot blind yourself to the possibility that you might lose more than you gain.”

“Should I then remain frozen in place for fear of failure?” Solas threw his hands in the air. “Should I not try to fix an injustice for fear of making things worse? If you believed that you would not have joined the Inquisition, nor continue to lead it as nations turned against you,” Solas said.

“Deciding not to go through with your plan doesn’t mean you’re not making a decision. You can _choose_ to stay in this world, something you fail to see. Or perhaps refuse to consider, because you’ve decided this world is not worth living in, no matter what might be waiting for you in it.”

Ellana and Solas simultaneously let out a long breath, both feeling frustrated for different - if similar - reasons. A strange silence settled around them.

“For a moment, I did choose to live in this world,” Solas said eventually.

Ellanalooked up to meet his gaze. “A fleeting moment I presume,” Ellana replied after a beat, a bitter edge to her voice.

“Longer than you might imagine,” Solas said. He sighed. “I wasn't lying, when speaking with you, I wanted to–"

“ _Wasn't lying_?” Ellana shook her head. “You did not even trust me with the truth.”

“I almost did,” Solas said, his eyes fixed on Ellana’s face.

Ellana was taken aback. “What?” She wasn’t sure if she was angry or hurt or flattered even.

“At the waterfall–" Solas stopped abruptly, probably realising this was a sore memory to be evoking.

“But you didn’t, you left.” Ellana clenched her teeth. “You left me there alone.”

Solas looked away. “I did, I realised I had no right to burden you with the truth, not when I could not give up my quest.”

Ellana was getting angrier, so angry she almost failed to hear what Solas was saying. She went over his words in her mind. “You mean to say you were planning to give up on your plans, at one point?”

Solas smiled weakly at her. “You made me see things… _differently,_ made me imagine… well, another future.” His smile faded. “But in choosing to stay with you I would have given up a destiny that does not solely belong to me. It would have been selfish to choose to stay with you, to enjoy happiness when I can restore to the elves what I cost them.”

“How can you even be sure you can restore your world?” Solas remained silent. “Of course, no more answers,” Ellana said.

“I would answer you if it would not jeopardise my plans–”

“Your plan is as bad as your original one.” Ellana interrupted him, but she regretted her words immediately. She took a deep breath. “I am sorry, I just, I just wish you would realise this world’s potential, before you risk losing it forever, just for the _chance_ to get something better in return.” Tears of frustration streaked her face. She furiously wiped them away, as if she could still prevent Solas from seeing them.

“Risk losing it forever?” Solas asked.

Ellana’s face flushed red, fresh tears welling up in her eyes.

Solas took a step forward, it almost looked like he was about to reach out, to comfort her, but he stopped before getting close enough. “If I could spare you this pain–" Solas shook his head. “I could have, I should have. I should have stopped this before it... I realised from the start how it would have to end, I… I was selfish with you. I am sorry.”

Ellana shook her head and approached him. They were closer now than they had been this past year. If she reached out her arm now, Ellana could just touch him, but she was certain he would be gone before she could reach him. “I never wanted to be spared the pain,” she said, “I just didn’t want to be shut out.”

“I know,” Solas said.

“But you had to,” Ellana said.

“You would have changed everything, you almost did, I can’t let that happen.”

“Because you don't want it to,” Ellana added, anger and pain swirling together in her mind. “Because I didn’t mean enough to you.”

“You meant, you mean–"

“Don’t.” Ellana clenched her teeth. “I loved you, but you… you would just throw that away. I would have gone with you if you’d asked. Instead you just disappeared and left me. Do you know what I thought, during those two years leading the Inquisition without knowing where you were or why you’d left? Can you imagine how I felt? And every day I had to be reminded of you, every single time I looked in a mirror and saw my bare face. You realise I had to explain my new face to my Keeper, and every one who knew me before, I had to explain again and again.” Ellana shook her head. “I love you and for a time I believed you loved me, but whatever you felt, it wasn’t enough,” Ellana sighed. There was no point to this conversation, if she hadn’t been able to reach Solas before, how was she supposed to reach him now? “I need to accept that you didn’t care enough,” Ellana said, more to herself than to Solas.

“Ar lath ma vhenan,” Solas said. It sounded much more desperate than the first time he’d said it to her.

“Then your love does not run as deep as mine does,” Ellana retorted bitterly, her eyes fixing on his.

“I almost gave up a quest I’ve pursued for millennia for a short life with you, do not tell me my love does not run deep,” Solas almost hissed. “You cannot imagine what it took for me to leave you, to stay away.”

Solas’ eyes burned into hers. Suddenly Ellana felt the deep desire to leave. Solas had broken her heart before, first in Crestwood, then when he left the Inquisition and then again when she saw him last. Theirs was a bond that was perhaps better broken. In choosing his duty to his people over his love for her, Solas had forced Ellana to do the same.

Ellana turned to leave, but Solas grabbed her arm and spun her back around.

“You condemn me for being willing to burn this world down to save my own, but I almost condemned both my world and its people for just you.”

Ellana looked at Solas’ hand on her arm, even if this was the Fade, it felt as real as the waking world. She looked up to meet Solas’ gaze. “I wish you had.”

Solas’ eyes were still fixed on hers. “Some nights so do I,” he said, suddenly pulling Ellana against him and kissing her. Solas’ arms locked around her waist, locking her against his body.

Solas was the one to break off the kiss. He pulled away just enough to look Ellana in the eyes, his hands were still on her waist, holding her in place, not letting her get closer but not letting her move away either. “Ne vhenan'ara, glandival ar, ar lath ma,” Solas let go of her. **[You are my heart's desire, believe me, I love you,"]** “I should leave,” he said, sounding like his composed self again. He turned around, ready to disappear Ellana was certain.

“Solas,” Ellana said to make him turn back around. “I would not change what happened between us - even knowing what I do now.”

A small smile appeared on Solas’ face, and with that he disappeared, leaving Ellana alone in the forest.


	2. Chapter 2

Ellana woke. She had gained more control over the years and now it felt much more like her conscious choice, when she woke from her dreams.

She was back in her small bedroom in the house she shared with Leliana and Cassandra (and sometimes Harding when she wasn’t away). Despite Ellana’s insistence that she was no longer their Inquisitor, so no longer their leader, the women had refused to share a room with her. The small house was in a village near the border with Nevarra; they’d moved several times in the past year, chasing after new information about Solas. The hope was Solas would reveal his hand, but they had hardly gained any usefull information since deciding on this path.

Ellana got up and quickly got dressed. Her clothes were all practical now and designed to be non-descript, why she did not know, as her fame seemed to have only grown in the past year. Almost everyone seemed to recognise her as the former Inquisitor. The Inquisition had been disbanded, but it had taken a while for all the men to return home and the resources to be redistributed. It was a task overseen by Divine Victoria ( _Vivienne,_ as Ellana still saw her). The transition had been as quick as it could have been, but Ellana worried about the men and where they would go now, what they would have to do to life. And if she was being honest with herself, she missed it. Not being Inquisitor, or the responsibilities she’d had to bear; she missed it because for the longest time it had been home to her. With everything going on now, Ellana couldn’t even go to see her own clan, leaving her feeling homesick and wanting relief wherever she could find it. She had only seen her keeper once, and no one else she’d known before the Inquisition. Skyhold was currently deserted, but there were rumours that Viv – Divine Victoria wanted to house her personal guard there. Another home Ellana could not return to.

Ellana quickly tied her hair in a ponytail, rubbing her eyes, she gingerly walked over to the vanity set in a corner of the room. Her reflection in the mirror looked tired – of course it did – and bare: Ellana briefly touched her forehead, even after living without the vallaslin for three years she still felt slight surprise to find it missing in the mirror. Of course it also reminded her of the night Solas had taken Ellana to Crestwood. At the time she’d believed he was finally letling her get closer, but then, at the moment she’d felt closest to Solas, he’d left her. For years she’d been angry with him for making fooling her like that, now Ellana knew her instincts had been right then: he had meant to tell her the truth then. Ellana wondered how she would’ve reacted. Could she have changed his mind, if she’d been given so much extra time?

Ellana went downstairs. The two women she shared the house with were already eating breakfast, there was a plate set out for Ellana as well. She smiled and for a moment felt as if she were at home.

“Ellana,” Leliana greeted her, she gesture at the plate full of food. “We hoped you would be awake soon.”

Cassandra was filling her cup, “Inqui –“ she stopped herself and blushed, she had the most trouble with calling Ellana by her first name. Leliana had already used Ellana’s first name back in the Inquisition, only in private but it had helped her with the transition. Cassandra on the other hand had trouble saying ‘Ellana’, often she just called her Lavellan. “Ellana,” Cassandra said, articulating too much for it to sound natural. “Good morning,” she added.

“Thank you for the food,” Ellana said, knowing Cassandra must have been the cook.

“Of course,” Cassandra said and smiled as she sat down.

Ellana sat down as well. Leliana was thumbing a letter she’d put down next to her plate. She was absentmindedly eating a piece of bread, while staring at the letter, she didn’t seem to be reading it. “Another letter from Josephine?” Ellana asked.

Leliana nodded. She looked up at Ellana, “she wishes you well, of course.”

“And how is she?”

“She seems happy, running her family’s business.”

“But you still worry,” Ellana said.

“Naturally, it would be foolish to believe her safe. Even if she was not connected to us, she is after all still in Antiva.”

“I’m sure she can handle herself,” Ellana said, “even if she couldn’t, she has assassins working with her now.”

“I should take comfort in that,” Leliana said, her tone made it impossible to tell whether she was jesting or being completely serious.

Ellana smiled but was quickly distracted by her own thoughts: she couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. She had dreamt of Solas many times, but this had been different. She wished she could discuss it with the other two women, but she’d never told them about the dreams and to spring it on them now… after this night. This night had been the first time she’d heard Solas’ voice since he’d taken the mark from her. Ellana looked at her left arm, her sleeve pinned against her upper arm so it wouldn’t be waving around her. It was strange how she had simultaneously developed all these ways of coping with the loss of her arm, and not completely lost her feelings of surprise to see her arm gone in the morning (and being angry at its loss). Most things Ellana had to do the compensate for the missing limb now came naturally to her, but there were some things that had become almost impossible, and when she had to try to do those things, she would be reminded of the depth of her loss.

Cassandra saw Ellana looking at her arm. “Would you like to train today?” she asked. Ellana knew that for Cassandra training was a way to cement her confidence and she felt thankful for the suggestion (rather that than pity). Cassandra and Ellana had been training together for nearly the whole year, finding ways for Ellana to fight with just one arm. Ellana felt lucky that she was a mage, finding a staff she could easily wield with one arm had not been a problem and getting used to casting with just her right arm had been easier than she thought, she might even be able to cast with her left arm, but it felt off to her. Lately they’d been training with other weapons, at Ellana’s request.

“I think I would like that,” Ellana said. Cassandra nodded. Turning to Leliana she said: “Have we heard from Harding yet?”

“No, but I would not expect to either. She won’t want to risk the message being intercepted.” Harding had travelled to Tevinter, on her own, following a message given to Ellana by Dorian. The chaos in Tevinter was much greater than here in Orlais: the Qunari had grown bolder in their attacks and many of the empire’s elves were rebelling. It was believed they were taking advantage of the chaos cause by the Qunari, but Ellana (and every former member of the Inquisition) realised it was connected to Solas. Most people in Tevinter paid too little attention to the elves and their culture to be aware of the rumours spreading among the most vulnerable of Tevinter society, rumours of free elves, _freed_ elves just across the border.

Dorian had told Ellana he had discovered one of the groups of elves leaving to join Solas and Harding had been determined to find them. The hope was they would be able to convince them to join their own cause or at the very least dissuade them from joining Solas. This strategy had worked before, but not always, and Ellana did not know what they could do with the elves who refused. For now all they did was take their resources, which only slowed them down, but what else could they do? Imprison any elf refusing to join them? Elves were hunted enough, this past year tensions had only escalated between the elves and the humans.

Ellana hadn’t paid attention to Leliana an Cassandra’s conversation until she hear Leliana say: “I will be making preparations. We will leave soon.”

They were headed for Tevinter themselves. This had been their plan for a while but Ellana had thought they would stay in this village a while longer. It seemed so very unlikely but it seemed Solas was centring his efforts at the Tevinter border. It might be because it was easiest to recruit followers where Elves were most repressed, or because if you wanted to use elves as spies it was easiest to do that where elves were invisible.

“Should I start packing?” Ellana asked Leliana. She tried to be good-humoured about this news but she had dreaded leaving this little home of theirs.

“I would prefer to wait for Harding before we leave, unless that proves impossible,” Leliana said. Ellana nodded, feeling guilty for the relieve she felt at staying here a little longer.

“Shall we?” Cassandra said as she suddenly got up, having finished her food.

“Of course,” Ellana said and she got up as well.

 

 

The day was spent training with Cassandra, using small daggers, which was still difficult because Ellana had limited practice with them and trying to fumble with putting her staff away and grabbing the dagger was proving difficult. She did have a blade attached to her shortened staff, but it wasn’t handy for close combat. Sera had gifted Ellana with a crossbow she could attach to her left arm and fire with her right, it was a gift Ellanna was deeply thankful for, but often it was more practical to use her staff.

It was still early in the evening when Ellana retired to her room. She had said she felt exhausted, which was true but by now it was a semi-permanent state she was getting used to, the truth was Ellana hoped to speak to Solas again. If she could only keep this new conversation between them going, she would have a chance to change his mind.

Ellana fell asleep almost immediately, it helped that she had exhausted herself that day, and soon she found herself in the forest again. The seasons here never seemed to change and she wondered where they were, whether she or he had created this place to meet each other. Had it been intentional on his part? It hadn’t been on her part, not initially. But had Solas chosen to find her or had it been an accident. Right now the forest still seemed deserted, but Ellana had never ended up here without Solas being here as well. She wondered if she simply didn’t remember being here alone or…

“Vhenan,” Solas’ voice came from the trees. She wasn’t surprised to find him in his human shape again.

“Solas,” Ellana said, she smiled despite the ache in her heart and took a step towards him. Solas’ frame stiffened and when she tried to take another step, he took one back. Ellana guessed he didn’t want to risk a reoccurrence of last night’s events. She should not be so surprised or hurt about that as she was.

“Please,” Solas said when she risked another step in his direction. Ellana stopped and resigned herself to stay at this distance.

Ellana looked away, wondering what they could still discuss, she wanted to ask him if he was all right, but somehow that seemed too banal a question, considering their current relationship towards each other. _What were they? Enemies?_ Ellana had trouble envisioning actually fighting Solas. Ellana’s hopes had been pinned on changing Solas’ mind, but if she did not succeed at that? How could she? What was she going to say? He had lived in this world for enough years to see what there was to save. What else could she say to prove it was worth saving? Maybe nothing in this world could compare to whatever was before. _I should’ve prepared what I wanted to say_ , she thought to herself.

Ellana looked up and saw Solas was looking at her with surprise. His eyes weren’t on her face. Ellana followed his gaze, looking down and spotted what had caught Solas off guard. Her left arm was back. Ellana was surprised to see it as well. She thought it was gone from her dreams for good as well. Ellana lifted her left arm; she spotted something new on her hand: her mark was there, not the killing one, but the representation of the mark the elves joining her cause had begun to use to identify themselves. It was a small tattoo: dark green branches twisting together to form an eye. “Well, this is new,” Ellana said under her breath. Looking back at Solas, she could see he was now looking worried.

“Do you still miss it?” he asked.

For a moment she thought he meant the mark (and by extension the power that came with it), but then she realised he meant her arm. “Of course, I suspect I will for the rest of my life,” Ellana said, she felt guilty when she saw his expression. “But I don’t think about it every moment anymore, not even every day. Like I said, I have accepted it as much as is possible. I don’t know why it’s back now.”

“I’m sorry,” Solas said.

“You don’t have to apologize to me every night,” Ellana said, adding a smile. “Honestly you saved my life, I don’t think I have the right to complain about you not saving my arm.”

Solas shook his head. “Of course you do, it was my orb, my plan that robbed you of your arm.”

Ellana laughed a little. “Considering what your plan was I can’t imagine you didn’t expect at least some collateral damage at the temple, my arm just took a while to catch up.”

Solas clenched his jaw. “I did not take the loss of life lightly,” he said. She didn’t understand how he could think that mattered, as if the lives lost were lost a little less because the guilty party did not do ‘take it lightly.’ But she didn’t go into it.

“You did what you could to save me, I appreciate that, I might miss my arm but I would’ve made the same choice for myself.”

“I couldn’t save your arm, I had to take the mark or it would keep spreading, but it left your arm… I should’ve warned you it wouldn’t be possible to save it and I –“ Solas looked at her arm. “I would’ve taken the mark from you sooner, spared you this if I could, but I was not strong enough yet. I needed time to regain my strength, otherwise I would’ve come to you sooner.”

“I presumed as much,” Ellana said. “I do wonder – ah,” she let out a deep sigh. She shook her head, she didn’t think this was something she wanted to have answered anyway.

Naturally Solas didn’t just let it go. “What?” he pressed.

Ellana bit her lip. “I just wonder why you lured me there at all. Why save my life?”  
“I told you,” Solas said, “I want this world to know peace for as long as it can, before I complete my plan.”

“That is not the reason,” Ellana insisted. “I’m not essential to that, the Inquisition was not essential to that, not anymore. Killing me would make far more sense. Especially because –“ she pursed her lips “because I know you too well.”

Solas raised his eyebrows. “You think I would have killed you?”

“I don’t know, I am just saying it would be the best way to protect yourse – your plan.”

“Perhaps,” he replied.

“And yet I’m still here.”

Solas cocked his head. “You expected no compassion from me?”

“I expect I see more compassion in you than most would, but I also believe you would kill to protect your plans, I’ve seen you kill.”

“I have, in the past I certainly killed to protect my plans, even if I had to kill my own agents.”

“Which I suppose I was, in a way,” Ellana said.

“You were not, I –“

“Manipulated me. You did not recruit me to your cause, but you did steer my actions, you can’t deny that,” Ellana interjected.

“I did what was necessary,” Solas replied coldly.

“Necessary for what you wanted, yes,” Ellana retorted.

“Would you have preferred I let Corypheus become a god?”

“To be honest, it sounds like I would see more of my people saved in that future than the one you have planned.”

Solas jerked his head away, looking like he was about to leave. “We have gone over this before, if I believed there was a more peaceful way to fix my mistakes –“

“There might be, have you even tried, actually tried to find a way? From the sound of it you woke up and from the second you realised what had to be done you’ve proceeded with this plan.”  
“Yes, I did not look for another way at first, I saw no need, you – your people – seemed soulless, empty shells only reacting in the most base ways to the most base stimulations. It wasn’t until –“ Solas sighed “well, until I met you I felt there might be something worth saving in this world or even worth giving up on the old one. But I have to finish what I set out to do, no matter what comes.”

Ellana shook her head. “Then why not kill me? Or _let_ me die, let the mark spread.”

“Is that a serious question?” Solas sounded angry.

“Yes,” Ellana said defiantly, “if you’re so willing to sacrifice this world, why not me?” Solas was about to speak but Ellana wouldn’t let him. “Because if this world you’re trying to restore is worth everything to you, everything in this world, and all the lives that will be lost in the chaos you will cause, but you can feel doubts when looking at me, you should be able to feel those same doubts when looking at the rest of the world, they’re all people like I am, just because you haven’t spoken to them or seen what they can do –”

“I do!” Solas exclaimed. “And I wish I could predict who will make it, but I can’t!”

“But we can survive?” Ellana said.

Solas looked at her, compassion spreading across his face. “I don’t know,” he said. “Some, maybe many, but I cannot predict how many or whether you could accept life in the new world.”

“Did you spare me because you hope I will survive?”

Solas’ expression hardened and Ellana understood that he didn’t know whether she would. Solas’ eyes scanned Ellana’s face. “You never failed to surprise me, whenever I felt I had gauged your abilities you would display talents or qualities I did not foresee.” Ellana felt like this was his way of saying he thought she might surprise him again and survive.

“Solas, do you think there is a way to tear down the veil without it destroying this world? Could I find a way? Or could we not bring the old elves into this world?”

Solas narrowed his eyes. “The old elves?”

Ellana spoke when she realised Solas wasn’t going to say anything else. “I can’t believe you would risk this if all you were doing was returning the world to how it was; you’ve shown too much compassion for people to risk killing so many only to bring about a new world, and you have always spoken of your people as separate from us, but definitely still out there somewhere.”

Solas nodded. “But I do not know whether I could free them, or change the world, without loss of life.”

“But if there was...”

“I would welcome it,” Solas said.

Ellana briefly smiled. They stood there looking at each other, Ellana had not understood why he had left her all those years ago but she was starting to understand. At first it was to stop himself from being tempted to give up the fight, but when he saved her life he did so because she had been the only friend he’d had in all these years of waking in a new strange world and maybe he even hoped she could find another way.

The brief moment of hope faded as Ellana felt her current reality way down on her again. “I never thought I would miss having to fight Corypheus,” Ellana said, breaking the silence. “I miss how clear it was to me what I had to do.” Or maybe she missed how easy it was to fight an enemy you could view as just that.

“I –“ Solas started to say but stopped almost immediately.

“I miss my time in the Inquisition,” Ellana said to herself. “I miss…” her voice trailed off.

“I know,” Solas said, “I do as well.”

The forest was completely quiet as it always was. They stood there across from each other. “I have to go,” Solas said.

“As do I,” Ellana replied.

“Dareth shiral.” Solas said and he disappeared.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been another morning of training with Cassandra, and it was supposed to become a day of training, but when the afternoon came Ellana excused herself. Cassandra had reluctantly let her go, probably because she could see Ellana felt mentally exhausted. During the Inquisition she’d held on to the idea of having to keep fighting, and believing that once they’d defeated Corypheus she could go home. And then she’d gotten closer to Solas and she found that part of her was glad for the whole ordeal if it meant having met him, and she’d found some happiness in spending time with him. After Solas had broken it – whatever ‘it’ had been – off Ellana still had to fight Corypheus and that saved her for a while from feeling the full force of heartbreak, but once they’d defeated Corypheus she had to face that she was alone. The next two years she had stayed because she felt obligated to, obligated to fix the chaos left behind in Ferelden and Orlais. But in truth all Ellana wanted was to go home.

Ellana found herself twirling the small blade they had been practicing with. She considered leaving it here, but it seemed irresponsible to leave it outside the house. Ellana wondered if Cassandra was training her to fight the agents working against them, or if she was specifically training her to fight Solas. Ellana was certain Cassandra at least imagined hitting Solas whenever she was practicing on the tattered training dummy they used. Cassandra had taken the news of Solas’ betrayal (if you wanted to call it that) harder than even Ellana it almost seemed. Ellana suspected Cassandra’s anger towards Solas was greatly informed by her anger towards herself, for what she perceived as a failure on her part – not seeing Solas was keeping something this big from all of them. Additionally, Cassandra’d had great respect for Solas, and Ellana realised that it couldn’t be easy for Cassandra to be proven wrong in who she deemed worthy of respect _a second time_. For Ellana, finding out why Solas had left her was more of a burden than a relief. Yes, she now no longer spent the darkest nights wondering why she wasn’t enough to make him stay. But those nights were now spent wondering what she would be willing to do to stop him, and why he hadn’t trusted her before, and why she wasn’t enough reason to save the world.

Ellana walked to the back of the house, where there was a small stable. The horses were in the field right now, the smallest one already was already saddled, probably because Cassandra had been planning some kind of training involving horse riding. It seemed pointless because Ellana never fought while on horseback. That wasn’t surprising considering she had been practicing magic her whole life, and the large unwieldy staffs involved in that were hardly suited for fighting from horseback. Cassandra probably hoped Ellana would learn to use her crossbow while riding a horse.

Ellana got on the horse and quickly left the small house and the others behind. She just wanted an afternoon to herself. To her own surprise she actually felt joyous riding out into the fields. The wind rushing around her, the sun on her skin, for just a little while she felt free, for just a little while she felt like herself again.

Ellana sped up, wanting to rush across the fields, to wherever the road led. For once she wanted to be free from all responsibilities. Even though Ellana felt slightly hesitant about having just one hand to hold on to the reins, she felt more powerful than she had in months. Right now everything seemed possible again.

 

It was nightfall by the time Ellana reached a small village, she couldn’t remember being there before, but then again it was mostly Leliana who got their supplies. It was a quiet little place, maybe because most people would be inside having dinner, Ellana felt hungry as well and a little guilty for missing dinner with her friends. Some houses already had candles lit inside, even though the sun hadn’t gone completely down just yet. Ellana liked it, it felt homely and even if it wasn’t _her_ home, it gave her a brief moment of happiness, or the memory of feeling at home.

The horse was tired as well and Ellana decided she’d try to find a place where he could rest and eat something before heading back. Ellana was lying on the horse’s back, petting his neck with her right hand, whispering some elven words she’d last used as a child.

Suddenly a hand clasped around Ellana’s left ankle and she was pulled down, she desperately tried to hold on to the horse’s manes with her right hand, but then she felt two hands on her waist and with one swift pull they managed to get her off the horse. Ellana let out a small shriek as she felt herself slide off the horse’s back and land on the ground flat on her stomach. She felt a strange ache spread across her chest and right cheek.

It took her a second to respond. Ellana tried to grab her staff from where it as fastened to her back, but before she could reach it a hand locked around her right wrist and she felt someone snatch the staff from her. Ellana twisted around so she could see the attacker. It was a large man, a human. Ellana was sitting now, she tried to twist her wrist free, but the man tightly held on to her wrist. His scarred face looked down at her, but he wasn’t looking at her face, instead his eyes were on her left arm. Ellana felt her heart sink: _Had they attacked her because she was the Inquisitor?_ Had Solas finally decided to get rid of her after all? _No_ , she thought to herself. This was something else.

Ellana kicked up, her boot connecting with the man’s stomach. It clearly (at the very least) startled him, as he abruptly let her wrist go to cradle his stomach with both arms. Ellana scrambled back. The man noticed and realised his mistake; he lunged forward to grab Ellana again, but she kicked up a second time, this time striking him in the head. The man staggered backwards, blood gushing down his face; Ellana had managed to break his nose.

Ellana quickly got to her feet, she briefly glanced at her staff, wondering if she should try for the staff, but the man was already recovering so instead she started to run. Ellana looked over her shoulder, the man was already starting after her. Frantically she started to feel around her clothes, she knew she was carrying the small blade Leliana had given her but she wasn’t used to having it with her, and in her fear she couldn’t find it.

“Ah!” Ellana felt her legs flay out from under her as something shoved her violently in the back. She landed on the ground, managing to break some of her fall with her right arm. The man was on her again, she felt his weight come down on her back as he sat down on her to pin her to the ground. It was in that moment she remembered where she kept the blade.

Ellana started to kick with her legs, her heels were pounding against the man’s back, she knew that wouldn’t be enough to get him off her but that wasn’t why she was doing it. Ellana twisted under the man, he would presume she was trying to free herself but she was trying to twist herself enough so her right hand could reach into her right boot. Ellana felt her fingertip brush the back of her calf and with some straining of her muscles she managed to slip her hand in her boot just enough to grab the small dagger. She quickly withdrew her hand, gripping the dagger. Without hesitation she quickly stabbed the man’s right thigh and withdrew the dagger. The man let out a yelp, sounding more like a wounded dog than a human. Automatically his hands covered the wound on his thigh and Ellana immediately reacted, stabbing the same place again, this time hitting both his hands. The man screamed and it created enough space for Ellana to struggle and make one last hard push: the man rolled off her. Ellana didn’t think to finish him off, instead she started running towards her staff, this time she could make it.

It was too late, too late when Ellana saw the two other man appear in front of her, carrying a net, she froze but the net was thrown and around her before she could react. Tangled in the black mesh she fell to the ground, the small dagger had cut her left arm as she fell but she didn’t even think about the pain, instead Ellana tried to cut the ropes around her. Frantically she hacked away and she managed to cut through one rope before the men were on top of her, one held her down, while the other wrestled the knife from her. Once he had the knife he got up and left, presumably to check on the man she’d managed to wound. Ellana knew she was trapped. She could hardly move her limbs, and the more she struggled the more entangled in ropes she seemed to become.

“She isn’t even worth it!” the man still standing above her shouted at the other two. Ellana saw him pointing at her bleeding left arm.

“Andraste’s knickers! Did you see what she did to Oswin!” The man looked down at Ellana and their eyes met, there was a slight shimmer of fear in his eyes.

“All this effort for damaged merchandise,” the other man said to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

“I should never have let her take the afternoon off,” Cassandra berated herself. She was staring at the duel full moons above them; it had been hours since the Inqui – Lavellan – had left on horseback. “We have too much training to complete, if she is to be ready –“

“If she’s going to be ready she needs to have a clear mind as well as the proper training,” Leliana said. “It is just an afternoon.”

“It’s almost midnight now,” Cassandra corrected.

Leliana laughed. “Why does that matter, were you planning on some training in the moonlight?”

Cassandra scowled. “No, but she will need to be rested for tomorrow.”

“I think you might need some rest,” Leliana said and she went back inside. Ellana hadn’t come back yet, Leliana understood the need to be alone sometimes, but she also understood Cassandra. It was hard this life they were leading, Leliana felt like she had been fighting one big evil after another for her entire adult life, at times she fantasised about retiring to a nice town, concentrate on breeding nugs. For a little while that had seemed a possibility but now this new threat required all of her attention.

Cassandra was left feeling tense. Sometimes she wondered if everyone took the threat as seriously as they should, as she did. Ellana seemed so concentrated on redeeming Solas, Cassandra feared she would not be prepared to actually fight him. And so Cassandra was desperately training Ellana every opportunity she had. She wanted Ellana to become an efficient warrior as well as a mage, because she couldn’t help her train to become a more powerful mage than Solas seemed to be. Cassandra shivered, thinking on the stories Ellana had told them about the Dread Wolf, Solas, and how he had petrified those Qunari warriors. How did you fight someone that powerful?

Cassandra remembered finding Ellana after the mark had been removed. The elluvian had closed behind Ellana, leaving them cut off, unable to help, but then it had suddenly started working again. Going through it Cassandra had seen what Solas had done. Though at the time she believed it to be strange Qunari statuary; that kind of power was almost unimaginable. But the worst moment had come when she found Ellana, lying unconscious on the ground, her left arm almost unrecognisable as an arm. It had been Bull who’d managed to keep his head clear enough to recognise what had to be done: Bull had cut off Ellana’s arm without any hesitation and Dorian had used his magic to stop the bleeding. Cassandra meanwhile had felt useless.

Cassandra shook her head, as if she could shake the memories off. She stared into the night sky, wondering if Ellana would be back in time for them to go over tomorrow’s training schedule.

 

Ellana woke up on a wooden floor, it was pitch dark. She tried to move but she was tied up in such a way it was hard to move at all. She vaguely remembered someone hitting her over the head, which would explain the pain she felt. Ellana struggled, trying to sit upright.

“Do you want me to help you?” a soft voice came from the dark. The voice was kind and while it could be some kind of trick, Ellana felt gratitude for its kindness.

“Yes, please,” Ellana answered after some hesitation.

There came the sound of someone shuffling across the wooden floor towards Ellana, then she felt soft hands on her shoulder and leg. “Sorry, I have to get my bearings,” the voice said. It was clearly a male voice but other than that Ellana couldn’t tell anything from it. The hand that had been on her leg moved up to reach her other arm. Ellana felt fingers brushing her body every few inches, trying to find her arm. The hand reached her left arm, coming to rest where her elbow would’ve been. Ellana could feel the exact moment the man realised what he was feeling. His hand froze and she could hear a small intake of breath.

After a short pause he said: “I’m sorry,” his hand moved up to grasp her shoulder and he pushed her up so she could sit upright. “I didn’t meant to – I just wasn’t expecting – I didn’t know.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m still startled by it all the time myself,” Ellana said.

The man laughed with relief. “I’m Andar by the way,” he said.

“I’m Ellana.”

“So I am guessing Ellana, that you are an elf as well?” Andar asked.

Ellana was surprised. “That is an impressive guess.”

“Not really, considering where we are.”

“And where are we?”

“Oh,” Andar said. “I had thought you would – well, I’ll have to tell you then, slave traders, specifically we’re in one of their wagons.”

“Slave traders? Here?” Ellana asked surprised.

“I had heard rumours, surely you have as well. I guess that what whatever’s happening with the elves in Tevinter, they need to replenish their slave pool. Besides, it isn’t as if Orlais hasn’t always been… _unkind_ to our people.”

“They can’t just take us away and sell us!”

“I’m pretty sure they can. With all those accusation going around and those weird articles on how we’re basically cattle and trying to proof we’re not really thinking, sentient beings, I doubt any Orlesians would care even if they knew.” Andar let out a frustrated breath. “Then there’s the Inquisition disbanding when everyone said they were about to start a war or something.”

“That is absolutely absurd.”

“I agree,” Andar said. “I figured they disbanded because the sky was healed, but it doesn’t matter, what matters is what people remember.”

Ellana sighed. “You would think an elf saving the world would earn all elves some respect.”

Andar laughed, “you know humans, they just claim it was a ‘special’ elf, not really an ‘elf-elf,’ they will tell themselves whatever is most convenient.” Andar paused. “Or maybe things would even have been worse without her.”

“Are there others here?”

“Not that I have seen, but maybe they’ll bring in more, I was here for a whole day before they dragged you in here. I think they must be looking for elves whose disappearance won’t be noticed or reported.”

“So you’re not from around here?”

“No, I am a bit of a wanderer really, my clan – well, they’re gone.”

“I’m sorry,” Ellana said.

“Well these days that is hardly a unique story,” Andar said bitterly. “What about your clan”

“My clan is so far away from here I doubt they’d ever hear I was gone at all.”

“So you’re a wanderer as well?”

“Sort of,” Ellana answered.

She heard some shifting as Andar moved around the floor, then she felt his arm against hers as he sat to lean against the bars of the wagon as well.

“Sorry again about groping your arm.”

Ellana laughed, “really it’s okay, you were helping me, besides I don’t mind.”

“So, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you lose it?”

“I tried to stop something bad from happening.”

“And did you?”

“I did, actually,” she stared into the darkness around them. “Eventually, but I’m not sure if it was enough.”

“Are you a warrior then, in your clan?” Andar asked.

“I’m a mage actually,” Ellana replied.

“A mage?” Andar asked, he sounded remarkably happy to hear it. “So does that mean you could maybe create some light in here? I’m not a big fan of the dark.”

“I think so, I’m not very good without my staff though.”

Ellana cast the only spell she could think of that she might be able to manage well enough without a staff (and her hand tied on her back). Small orange lights drifted up to the ceiling of the wagon and created a warm glow around them. Ellana and Andar’s eyes met. She could see surprise on his face and at first she felt confused at that, but then she realised she didn’t have her vallaslin and had said she was Dalish. She hoped he wouldn’t think she’d lied to him. _But hadn’t he said he was Dalish as well_ , she wondered, looking at his face. _Maybe he was young when they were destroyed_ , she thought.

Andar was still staring at her, he had large green eyes and messy black hair. His clothes looked old and tattered, more practical and less elven than she would’ve expected, but then Ellana herself had to look like the least Dalish elf Andar had ever seen: not only did she have a bare face, she was wearing _human_ clothes.

“You’re Inquisitor Lavellan!” Andar exclaimed.

“I –“ Ellana prepared to deny it, though she wasn’t sure why, it was just an instinct of hers.

“The arm, the missing vallaslin…”

Ellana gave in, “I am, or _was_ Inquisitor Lavellan, yes.”

“Unbelievable,” Andar said, “I end up being captured and sold into slavery with the Inquisitor. What a strange week it has been!” he laughed.

Ellana laughed as well, mainly because Andar’s laugh was quite infectious. “You should try my life sometime,” she replied.

Andar smiled broadly, “yes, I imagine that would be quite the ride!” He shifted a little so he could look at her face more easily. “You don’t think you could maybe free us?”

“Using magic you mean?”

“Well, unless you have a weapon on you…”

Ellana raised an eyebrow. “I can’t escape with magic, I highly doubt that whoever is going after elves in Orlais would not have powerful protection against magic and I can definitely feel there are some magic barriers around me. I doubt I’m strong enough to break them. If I had my staff I would try, but without it…”

Andar sighed. “Oh well, I guess I just hoped that they had tied you up so extensively because you were too wily to be allowed to roam free.”

“I think it had to do with me stabbing one of them,” Ellana said.

“Stabbing them?” Andar laughed. “Yeah that would do it.”

“You don’t happen to have a way of getting these ropes off me?”

“I could try to undo the knots?” Andar offered, already gesturing for her to turn her back to him so he could reach the knots. Ellana obliged and she felt his hands move against her lower back as he worked to get one of the knots loose.

“Ellana, I wanted to ask you something,” Andar sounded strangely hesitant.

“Yes?” Ellana answered when Andar didn’t continue.

“I heard rumours, that the Inquisition is still active, just not so publically as it was.”

“It isn’t,” Ellana said.

“Really?” Andar sounded surprised.

“I disbanded it over a year ago,” Ellana added.

“I heard that, yes,” Andar said, his voice suddenly icy. Andar silently continued to struggle with the first knot.

“But you don’t believe me?” Ellana prodded.

“Because it isn’t true,” Andar simply stated.

“It is amusing you would argue with me over this,” Ellana said.

Andar leaned forward, his face suddenly close to Ellana’s. “I am an elf, Inquisitor,” he said, his eyes boring into hers. “I have seen the elves who mark their hands with your mark, the one you had before. And I have seen elves leave to join Fen’harel. So no, I do not believe you when you say you disbanded the Inquisition. The fortress might be deserted but I have seen your people grow in numbers this year.” Andar went back to working on the knot.

Ellana, her face heated, felt like a small child caught in a lie. Perhaps she had been naïve in judging her or Solas’ reach. “It isn’t the Inquisition anymore,” she said to Andar. “They might be my people, but they are not the Inquisition’s.”

Andar laughed a little. “So it is a simple case of a name change?”

“No!” Ellana said defensively. Andar’s hands stilled on her back. Ellana took a deep breath. “It isn’t that simple, I had to disband the Inquisition, it was compromised. And keeping it would put me in the service of the Divine and under the scrutiny of Ferelden and Orlais. It’s true I still have people who have joined me, and we have a singular cause but we are no longer the Inquisition.”

“So you have a big quest to complete and decided to give up on being a world power?” Andar asked sceptically.

“I told you –“

“I know what you said,” Andar said. “I understand.”

The first knot finally came undone and Ellana could now move her right arm again. “Thank you,” she said. Andar moved so that he was now sitting in front of her. “You’re welcome, Inquisitor,” he said with a crooked smile.

“I am not an Inqui –“

“I know, I know,” Andar said, throwing up his hands in defeat. “I was just joking.”

“Hilarious,” Ellana answered and rolled her eyes, but when her eyes met Andar’s she grinned.

Andar’s smile died away. “I still think we should try to escape, as soon as possible.”

“This might surprise you, but that was my plan,” Ellana said.

“Yes, but I mean, we should escape before they can realise who you are. Which might mean you’ll have to try magic.”

“I’m not recognised on sight by everyone, you do realise?” Ellana cocked her head.

“Sure, but how long before they start dragging other elves in here? How long before one of them recognises you and reacts before we can stop them? Humans might not recognise you all that often, but I know a lot of elves who would. You are a bit of a legend. Many of us believed your presence in the Inquisition might help protect elves.”

“Well that worked out perfectly then,” Ellana sighed.

Andar manage to loosen the knots enough so that Ellana could struggle free from the ropes. She kicked them to a corner of the cage.

“You’re sure you can’t use magic to escape?” Andar asked hopeful.

“I don’t think they would’ve put me in here if magic could free me, they have my staff, they know I’m a mage.”

“Sure, but maybe they underestimated your abilities?” Andar pressed, “maybe _you_ are.”

Ellana glared at him. “If I asked you to fight someone with your bare hands would you be as capable as I gave you your blade?”

“No,” Andar admitted, “but I wouldn’t be helpless either.”

“There are very few spells I can cast without a staff and those I can aren’t nearly as powerful as when I use my staff.”

“Sure, sure, but even if they only cause a little damage to this cage, if we just repeat them often enough…”

“Fine!” Ellana let out an exasperated breath. “Fine, I will try.” She shifted her weight so she could sit directly facing the far end of the cage. She flicked her hand and while there was a brief intense light in the cage, it didn’t seem to do anything to the bars, all it did was extinguish the small bulbs of light she had created earlier. Even in the renewed dark Ellana could feel Andar was staring at her, making her feel nervous. Ellana flicked her wrist again, this time there were sparks. Andar let out an exited yelp but Ellana felt her heart sink. Fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, no Solas in this chapter, but he'll be back in the next one.


	5. Chapter 5

The wooden bars caught fire immediately and while the fire seemed intense enough, the bars didn’t seem to take damage, or enough damage to break them; instead they just blackened slightly, the top layer blistering off but the rest remained, black but solid. Locking them in this burning cage. The fire spread quickly, the heat almost unbearably intense in seconds, and Ellana instinctively scrambled back until her back hit the bars on the other end of the cage.

Andar looked at Ellana, slightly panicked, but he didn’t say anything, instead he quickly took off his tunic and tried to cover the fire, but it was burning too hot and before he got close enough he had to shield himself from the heat, the tips of the tunic caught fire and he threw the garment at the sea of flames.

Ellana tried to think of a spell to put the fire out. She flicked her wrist, trying something, but nothing happened. Using both arms now she tried to push at the limits of her talents, looking down at her maimed arm trying to complete the same action as the whole arm she felt incomplete and wrong but tried to cast a spell anyway. All that happened was the entire cart moved a little forward.

Suddenly light came flooding into the space, it looked like a barn now Ellana could finally see more of it. The light came from two huge doors that had been flung open and the two men running in, carrying torches.

“Maker’s breath!” the first one exclaimed as he froze near the door.

“Get them out!” the other one yelled. Ellana assumed he was more worried about losing potential slaves than their lives.

“I’m not going near that!” the first one yelled back.

“Fine, get Adamair!” the second one yelled and he rushed forward. He was at the front of the cart, the furthest away from the fire and while Ellana had first thought he wanted to be far from the flames, she could now see him reaching under the cart. When he straightened he was holding a small box and from it he took a key. Ellana felt anger boiling up in her, knowing her freedom had been so close.

The man started fumbling with the key, trying to get it in the lock, softly cursing to himself as his shaking hands failed. Ellana looked over at Andar and he looked terrified, she probably did as well. Ellana reached out and squeezed his hand, silently telling him they were almost safe. _From the fire at least._ She was trying to figure out what she could do once the doors opened, she could probably overpower this one man if she attacked him the second the cage door opened, but what about the other men? There might be a small army outside.

The man managed to get the key in the lock, but before he could unlock the cage he was thrown back by an invisible force. The force hit Ellana and Andar as well; they were knocked against the bars of the cage. The fire was gone. A short man was standing in front of the cage and as the smoke dissipated Ellana could see he was a mage. She wasn’t sure why she was surprised to see him, after all someone had to have put the magical barriers up.

“Adamair!” the man who’d tried to open the cage said as he scrambled back onto his feet. He started to walk over to the mage, but Adamair put a hand up and the other man stopped immediately.

“Do take that with you,” Adamair said, he gestured to the cage. The other man looked at Ellana and Andar, clearly wondering the same thing she did, namely whether Adamair had meant one of them by ‘it,’ but then the man’s eyes rested on the cage door. The key. The man quickly took it back and put the key in one of his pockets.

Adamair approached the side of the cage where Ellana and Andar were sitting. “What happened?” he asked calmly, but something about his voice disturbed Ellana. Neither Ellana nor Andar spoke.

The man who had gotten Adamair came back. He looked scared, even though he had to see the fire was gone. Adamair briefly glanced at the man and then returned his attention to Ellana and Andar. “What happened?” he asked again.

Andar and Ellana looked at each other, in Ellana’s mind they agreed to refuse to say anything but Andar had another plan. “I lit the fire, to burn through the bars,” Andar said defiantly.

Adamair gestured to the man standing in the entrance. The man seemed to understand the gesture was meant to be a command, as he quickly rushed over to the cage. The other man gave him the key and Ellana understood what was happening. They were going to take Andar, punish him for the fire. However, Adamair was a mage, Ellana would expect him to recognise that the fire spread too quickly and burnt too hot to not be started by magic. _Maybe he hadn’t seen the extent of the fire before putting it out?_

The door opened and the man dragged Andar out by his arm. Andar didn’t struggle. Ellana considered telling the mage the truth, but she was pretty sure that would just lead to them both being dragged out. And maybe if they left her alone again she could try more spells. Andar was dragged out of the barn and the other men left as well. When the doors closed she was left in the dark again.

 

Cassandra usually woke up before the others so she wasn’t that worried when she didn’t see anyone in the living room. It wasn’t until an hour after Leliana had gone for a walk that Cassandra felt the need to wake Lavellan. She wasn’t worried, well maybe a little, but mainly she wanted to start the day. The small room Lavellan had to herself was located on the top floor of the house. Cassandra had never been in there, not since they had decided it was where Lavellan would stay.

Cassandra hesitated before knocking, despite considering Lavellan a friend, she still had trouble disconnecting her from her role as Inquisitor and all the formality Cassandra felt went with that. She softly knocked on the door. There wasn’t any sound coming from the room, so Cassandra tried again. Eventually her impatience got the better of her need for proper protocol and she swung open the door.

“Lavellan I know you must be –“ she looked at the messy, but empty bed, “ _tired_?” Cassandra burst into the room, frantically looking around. She hurried over to the window, from here she could see the stables and she could see the other horses’ heads bopping down to eat, but there was one missing.

Cassandra sprinted down the stairs and rushed outside. “Leliana!” She was yelling. She ran around the house. “Leliana!” Cassandra started to saddle the two horses still in the stables. “Leliana!” she yelled and the horses – who were used to Cassandra’s loudness – peacefully went on eating.

Cassandra got on one of the horses and took the other horse’s reigns in one of her hands so she could lead it with her. Cassandra had had many lessons to learn how to ride a horse properly but in practice she tended to ignore those lessons. “Leliana!” she yelled as she went down the path.

“Leliana!”

“What?” Leliana’s voice came from the shrubbery. She was plucking something. “Cassandra?” she asked as she walked onto the path and saw the two horses.

“There’s no time! It’s Lavellan, she hasn’t returned!”

Leliana’s brow puckered. “That is odd.”

“Odd?” Cassandra blustered. “Odd? That is not how I would describe it!” she tried to hand Leliana the reigns of the other horse, but Leliana didn’t accept them. “It must be Solas! We must hurry!”

Leliana frowned and cocked her head. “And go where?”

Cassandra let out a frustrated breath. “To –“ but she stopped mid word almost. She gritted her teeth, feeling frustrated.

“Exactly,” Leliana said. She started back down the path. “I will send my birds,” she said to Cassandra as she tried to turn the two horses back around.

“Will that be enough?” Cassandra said, her tone making it clear she felt it was not.

“We have many eyes now, not just our own,” Leliana said. “We must use our agents or we leave ourselves more vulnerable to Solas’ agents. If it was one of his agents who did this.”

“If?”

“Yes, if, if he had wanted to kill Ellana he could have done so easily when he took the mark from her. I do not feel that was ever his plan.”

Cassandra grunted. “We have all been mistaken about his motivations before.”

“Still,” Leliana petted the horse that had bumped into her. “I will tell everyone to keep an eye out for Ellana.”

“Everyone?” Cassandra asked sceptically.

“Well, everyone I trust,” Leliana said, Cassandra eyed her even more suspiciously. “Well, trust with this,” Leliana said and she smiled.

 

Andar was outside the barn where he had been in the cage with Ellana. They hadn’t dragged her out after him and he hoped that meant she hadn’t confessed to setting the fire or that they wouldn’t punish her for it at least. He’d had no choice but to take the blame, but he was surprised to find he had wanted to. He had wanted to protect her. Of course he already knew more about her than he’d told her, though how surprised could she be, considering she had once been the most famous elf in Thedas.

Andar shifted his weight and tried to get more comfortable, this was almost impossible of course, because his arms were awkwardly pulled behind his back and tied to a tree. The mage was still in the barn, but the other two men were sitting near Andar. They looked nervous. There was at least one other man in the camp, because he could hear muffled curses coming from the small building behind him.

“We are going to kill him, right?” One of the men asked the other one. He said it very softly, like he hoped Andar wouldn’t hear him.

The other man nodded, “He tried to destroy it.”

The first man glanced at Andar, but when he saw Andar was looking at him, he quickly looked away. “Will we have to do it?” he asked nervously.

“Doubt it,” the other man said matter of factly, “Adamair will probably do it himself I suspect.” The man was eating a dodgy looking piece of meat.

Andar could hear a door behind him open. “Argh!” Someone was clearly in pain.

“What?” The man still chewing on the greenish meat asked, sounding pre-emptively aggravated.

“Could you two help me, maybe?” The man in pain called out. “I can’t even open a door without stabbing pain, I would appreciate some damn help with the horses!”

Both of the other men let out annoyed grunts.

“Now, please.” The door swung shut again.

“We probably should,” the nervous man said as he was already getting up.

The other man threw the last piece of meat on the floor and got up as well.

When both the men disappeared into the building, Andar felt relieved despite his situation.

He wondered if he could fall asleep sitting like this. In his clan he had been a hunter and would rise at dawn to set out hunting on his own.

Andar shifted his weight again, his sore shoulders protested against every movement. Softly he spoke to himself. “Falon'Din, ma ghilana mir din'an.” [[1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5165132/chapters/12118751#note1)]

 

Adamair was standing near the cage, he had lit enough lights around the room for Ellana to be able to see him and his expression clearly. She didn’t know why he had come back into the barn and was worried that maybe he had recognised her.

“You are Dalish?” Adamair asked.

Ellana remained silent. If she admitted to being Dalish, she would have to explain her bare forehead and she wasn’t sure if there were now enough Dalish elves who had joined Solas for it to become a common recurrence, but if it wasn’t she might give her identity away by saying that.

“You are a mage,” Adamair said. He looked at the bars, they were blackened but didn’t seem damaged despite being made from wood. He didn’t seem to be waiting for a reply. “I know the fire wasn’t just a fire. It couldn’t have burned like that if it was.”

Ellana felt anger boiling up in her. She’d let Andar take the blame to prevent her identity to be revealed! But if they’d already known she was the one who started the fire, why did they drag him out of the barn? “Where is Andar?” Ellana demanded.

“The other elf?” Adamair nodded to the door. “Outside.”

“You’re going to kill him.”

“Yes.”

“Even though you know I started the fire.”

“That is irrelevant,” Adamair said. “It isn’t a matter of blame. What matters is who is more likely to cause a stir.” Adamair ran his hand across the damaged bars. “He took the blame, you remained silent.”

Ellana bit her lip. She wanted to yell, but was afraid that would lead to her being dragged out as well, and she had just thought of the last desperate thing she could do. Her magic had done nothing to get her out of this but if she could lie down in the dark maybe she could get herself and Andar out of here after all.

Adamair smiled. “You see, it is about who is going to cause trouble.” He turned around and left the barn. Ellana wondered if he had only entered the barn to see whether she would cause any trouble as well.

Ellana laid down on the floor of the cage and closed her eyes. She needed to relax enough to fall asleep. It was the only way she could think of that she could ask for help.

 

“Vhenan,” Solas’ voice rang out before she could even see him. He still called her that, even after everything that had happened. Ellana shook her head, this wasn’t why she had come here.

“Solas!” she rushed forward, but stopped abruptly when she saw his uncomfortable expression. “You have to help me, please.”

Solas immediately looked worried. “Help you?”

“There were these men, slavers I think or just men who want to sell elves, they captured me, they’re going to kill Andar!”

“Andar…” Solas was surprised.

“He’s another elf,” Ellana quickly clarified. “Solas, they’re capturing elves and selling them into slavery! I thought I had made a difference, that they would see us differently! It’s twice over an elf has saved them and they just…” she felt hopeless.

“How quickly they forget,” Solas smiled sympathetically.

“They’re going to kill him and I don’t know how to save him. I know we’re not,” she paused, “anymore, but I can’t reach anyone else and he doesn’t deserve to die to protect me.”

“He was protecting you?” Solas asked.

Ellana nodded. “I didn’t want to risk revealing who I was so I let him.” She sighed. “I don’t know, I just couldn’t think of what to do and I hoped you…” she looked at Solas who wasn’t giving anything away. “I hoped you’d be willing to help.”

Solas nodded but didn’t say anything. Was he nodding because he would help? Or to indicate he understood he was her last resort? It would probably be madness for him to help her, but Ellana just hoped he still cared enough. If he didn’t he wouldn’t still look for her in dreams, would he?

She started rattling, desperately explaining where she was and how many men she’d seen, pleading with Solas to at least tell the others where she was, if nothing else. But Solas remained silent and he didn’t look at her. Was he considering how smart it would be for him to help her? Was he considering what he could do, what advantage he could gain?

“Solas, please, at least tell Cassandra or Leliana what happened to me,” Ellana pleaded. She knew Solas had to realise the women were working with her, she wasn’t foolish enough to believe they had managed to keep that secret.

Solas nodded and disappeared.

 _What is he going to do?_ Ellana wondered as the terrifying revelation came that he had no way of finding them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1"Falon'Din, guide me into death." I had to think of something that could pass for an Elven prayer.


	6. Chapter 6

“Scout Harding?”

Lace wasn’t proud of the small startled gasp escaping her mouth, but in her defence, if you spent months trying to pass unnoticed through a foreign land, suddenly hearing your name being called tended to startle you. Lace slowly turned around, her hand already reaching for the small blade Leliana had given her years ago.

“Scout Harding,” the voice said again.

“I’m not a scout anymore,” Lace said casually, trying to hide her surprise and fear at recognising the elf who’d said her name. Solas. He was wearing a hood, and she wondered if he realised elves weren’t exactly safe in Tevinter right now. Then again, she’d heard the stories and he was probably more dangerous than the most powerful mages in Tevinter.

Solas raised his eyebrows. “You still seem to be,” he said.

“Maybe I just like travelling, or maybe I just wanted to see the famous Pleione Falls?”

Solas smiled. “I would like to talk to you.”

“Talk? I don’t think you said a single word to me when we were working for the same – well maybe not the same goals.”

Solas chuckled. It made Lace nervous, she knew he had spared the Inquisitor, but that didn’t mean he would spare her. How had he even found her?

“It’s about Ellana,” Solas said.

“The Inquisitor?” Lace said before realising she was using the title again.

“She’s been captured by slavers, I would contact Cassandra or Leliana, as they are undoubtedly much closer to her, but I don’t seem to know where they are.” He seemed annoyed and surprised by that.

“How’d you know where I was?”

“It is not important,” Solas said and he handed her a small rolled up piece of parchment. “It is a map,” he said.

Lace unrolled it and saw it was blank. When she touched it a small blue line appeared and quickly travelled over the map until it reached the edge of the paper.

“It will lead you to Ellana, though I suggest not using it until you’re closer to where she is.”

“And you want me to get this to Leliana?”

“Ideally.”

“All right…” Lace eyed Solas suspiciously. For a moment she wondered whether she was being smart by acting this way towards someone who was probably an actual god, but she couldn’t stop herself. “You want me to get this map to Leliana so she can save Lavellan?” Solas didn’t react. “Why can’t you just,” she waved her hand, “magic her free?”

“Several reasons.” Solas looked around the crowd of people. The square was busy, but no one seemed to be paying attention to them. “Get the map to Leliana, I made it small enough to be carried by a bird. Please.”

Lace was surprised. It wasn’t every day a god asked you to ‘please’ do something. “Sure,” she said and put the map in her pocket.

“Thank you, scout Harding,” Solas said and he turned around.

Just before Solas disappeared into the crowd Lace called out: “You love her,” she said. Solas glanced at her over his shoulder. “Some people would give up everything for that.”

 

It was starting to get light. Andar wondered whether people who kidnap elves and sell them into slavery tended to sleep in. He looked at the barn and wondered whether Ellana was awake. Would they drag her out when they killed him? _She has to be safe._ That was a command he had seemed to value more than anything else he’d been told to do. Though Andar doubted this precise thing had crossed his mind when giving the command.

It seemed so strange that Andar would be travelling to join Ellana and then to end up in a cage with her. He hadn’t expected her to be, well, like she was. Andar already knew so much about Ellana before meeting her, but to speak to her, even shortly, he could see why elves would follow her. Or how she had been able to lead an Inquisition made up of mainly humans. Andar would’ve joined her new cause as well, that was the plan, but these men had captured him. It had taken so much to discover where Ellana was and to be captured so close to his goal was frustrating.

Andar had been put in that cage, with her. Even as he had felt she missed an arm Andar hadn’t even considered the possibility that it could be Ellana Lavellan, it was too unlikely to contemplate… but then when she’d lit the cage, he just couldn’t hide his surprise. Andar had hoped that it meant he could still follow through with the plan, and if they’d been able to escape Andar could have, but now he had failed.

To think he had thought to be more protected from humans now they could easily mistake him for a city elf; he’d expected to be more invisible to them with his valeslin missing.

 

Ellana was still furious, in fact, since waking up her anger had only gotten stronger. She would have expected to feel hurt because Solas didn’t seem as eager to help as she thought he would be. But instead she was angry. The anger was boiling away inside of her and she wanted to scream and shout and… _She banged her hand against the bars of the cage._ She had faced Corypheus and now she was trapped in this cage. _She banged her hand against the bars again._ She’d survived the mark even though it was impossible, but now she was stuck in this cage about to be sold into slavery while the only one helping her was going to be killed outside. _She banged her hand against the cage again._ She’d restored order to Ferelden and Orlais and now she was fighting something that threatened the whole world and no one was willing to help but the people Thedas seemed to hate the most. And the man she loved refused to help her. _She banged her hand against the bars,_ and this time they blasted away from her hand.

Ellana gasped, debris flew across the barn, clattering against the far wall. What was left was a big hole in the cage. She blinked, not sure if she had just done that. Ellana shook her head, she had to focus, she had to get Andar. _Where is my staff?_ Ellana climbed out of the cage and lit the barn up without even thinking about it. She frantically tried to find her staff but it wasn’t there. She couldn’t count on being able to conjure such powerful magic again but she couldn’t let Andar be killed.

Ellana froze when she heard voices from outside the barn. They sounded sleepy, probably the men had woken up thanks to the blast. Ellana rushed over to the ladder she’d seen and climbed to the second floor. Quickly she extinguished all the light in the barn. The door opened and in the light that now flushed the room, Ellana could see the men looking around the space. Their eyes took a little while to accustom to the dark, but when they did…

“AHH!” One of the man rushed forward, grabbing the cage with both hands as if he needed to check if it were real.

“Be quiet!” The other man said to him. “Adamair might not have heard the blast, we can find her before he wakes.” The man drew a small blade and started to look around the room. The other man let the cage go and started to look around as well.

The man who’d shrieked was on the other side of the barn as the other one approached the ledge Ellana was now perched on. He wasn’t looking up, maybe he wasn’t aware of the small ledge here. Ellana slowly sat down, legs dangling over the ledge, and pushed herself off the ledge, landing on top of the man. He let out a weird grunt and Ellana could hear the other man react, but she didn’t think about it, instead she grabbed the knife the man had dropped. A little voice in her head said she should kill him, but what moral high ground could she possibly claim if she was constantly killing people to accomplish her own goal? Instead she quickly slashed across the back of the man’s thighs, cutting deep, remembering Cassandra’s training (and thanking the seeker for being so stubborn and pushy). The man cried out and Ellana quickly darted away from him (even though he wouldn’t be walking any time soon) because the other man was sure to come after her.

Ellana was wrong, instead she spotted the man running out the barn. This was actually worse, because she had hoped to incapacitate him as well. Ellana rushed at the door, but the man was already going through it. He wasn’t yelling but clearly someone had heard him: a slightly taller man approached him. It took Ellana a second to spot the bandages around the man’s hands and thigh, he was hobbling slightly, his face twisted in pain. “Andraste’s great flaming ass! What are you blighted bastards doing in there! I need to rest! I can’t be chasing after your incompetent asses night and day!”

“She got out! She killed Cynon! Killed him!” The man shouted as he ran to the hobbling Oswin.

“What?” Oswin sounded ever so slightly scared. “Where is she?”

“In there!”

“You left her there?” Oswin looked like he was about to slap the man.

Ellana retreated into the barn, she tried to think of a spell that could knock two people out, but would she be able to do that without a staff? She wasn’t paying attention to the conversation outside – thinking she would hear it when they came close – until she heard a familiar voice. Adamair was outside. Ellana turned around and – while trying to be quiet – moved to the back of the barn. She shovelled along the wooden wall, trying to find something. What kind of barns did humans build? Did they need latches or something? Did they have just the one entrance?

The doors opened wider and Ellana quickly got under the only other cart in the barn. Quickly the barn was lit with a combination of the dawn and the light Adamair summoned. He was barking commands at the other men (Ellana couldn’t see how many there were but heard at least two additional voices). They were looking for her, of course, and she didn’t think it could take them that long to find her.

Ellana held her breath as she heard one person’s footsteps getting closer to the cart. When the man was close enough, she could see it was Adamair; his robes brushing over the floor. At first she wanted to stay still, hope she wouldn’t be spotted and maybe dash for the door if he moved. Now another thought occurred to her. Adamair was a mage also. _Adamair carried a staff._

Ellana grabbed Adamair’s right ankle and yanked it back. Adamair let out a yelp and crashed onto the floor, face first. There was a strange crunching sound followed by a gurgle, as the fall had broken Adamair’s nose, he was already rolling onto his back, covering his nose with his hands as Ellana quickly scrambled out from under the cart and grabbed the staff lying next to the mage.

Immediately she cast a spell to freeze Adamair in place. Two other men – Oswin one of them – came out to help Adamair, but they both froze when they saw Ellana had a staff. She ignored them and rushed for the door, determined to find Andar, and realising this staff was too large for her to be very effective at quick combat handling it with only one hand. Near the door she thought better of it and quickly cast a barrier to keep the men at bay, at least for a little while.

Andar was tied to a tree, he was already looking at the barn and when Ellana appeared he burst out laughing. “Saving people again, I see!”

“Just you today,” she answered, rushing over to him. Adamair’s staff had a blade and Ellana used it to quickly cut Andar free. Andar had some trouble getting up but he seemed unharmed.

Ellana looked around to see where the horses would be kept, there was a small building near the barn and she could hear something moving in there. “Horses?” she asked Andar while nodding at the building. “Yeah, that’s where they keep them,” he said, immediately understanding why she was asking, he took Ellana’s hand and started running for the building.

They took off running. Out of nowhere Ellana heard a strange almost whistling sound, before she could realise what it had been, Andar suddenly stopped, causing her to crash into him. “Argh!” Andar let go of Ellana’s hand and reached for his shoulder, an arrow sticking in it, blood ran down his bare flesh. Ellana looked at the barn and saw Oswin standing next to the other man, who was now aiming a bow and arrow at Ellana and Andar. Ellana swung her staff and attacked with the first spell she could think of, but the arrow was already flying and she couldn’t dodge it before it hit her right arm, the spell was thrown off its course and Ellana dropped the staff as the pain ripped through her arm.

Adamair came storming out of the barn, his face covered in his own blood. He was going for the staff. Ignoring the pain, Ellana picked the staff back up. The pain became sharper and it felt like the mark had in its final stages, but Ellana tightened her grip around the staff determined to at least keep it out of Adamair’s hands. Another arrow went by Ellana’s head, but she ignored it as she rushed for the stable. She just hoped there would be a horse there that was already saddled. Running, Ellana tried to quickly cast a spell but missed, she ignored it and didn’t slow down. Just before she reached the stable Ellana felt a sudden bolt of hot pain hit her from behind; it swept her off her feet and hit her with so much force she was even thrown a few feet, her body crashing into the wall of the stable. Either Adamair was much more powerful casting spells without a staff, or he was taping into his anger as she had done in the barn.

Ellana groaned in pain as she tried to quickly tried to get back on her feet. Andar had frozen at the sound of the crash and now moved to help her. “Horses!” Ellana screamed at Andar. He hesitated but left her and went into the stable. Ellana had lost the staff, it was just a few feet away from her but she doubted she could reach it now. Adamair approached and picked up the staff, turning it so the blade was directed at Ellana. Her mind tried to come up with a plan, but she was –

Adamair let out another yelp as an arrow knocked the staff out of his hand. Ellana looked around, wondering what had happened. Her eyes came to rest on a figure standing on the roof of the barn. “Leliana!” she screamed in delight.

Another familiar face appeared from behind the barn, it was Cassandra – already swinging a sword. The two men standing in front of the barn noticed her too late, as she cut them both down with her sword. Adamair went for the staff again but Ellana quickly pushed forward and kicked him in the shoulder, causing him to lose balance and fall over. She grabbed the staff, unwieldy as it was, and held the blade to his throat. But her hesitation at ending his life gave Adamair enough time to cast some kind of spell that rushed him away. He seemed to blur a short distance and appear a hundred metres further. The spell had landed him next to a large cart and from it he pulled another staff. Leliana tried to shoot him through the heart, but his protection spell was faster than her draw and the arrow landed in front of his feet without harming him.

Andar appeared in the opening of the stable, leading two horses. Ellana gestured for him to stay back. Adamair cast another spell and soon there was fire raining down from the sky. Large fireballs came crashing down all around them and it wasn’t long before both the barn and the stables were burning. Andar chased the horses out and evidently went back for the others because another four horses came running from the stables.

Ellana was too busy dodging fireballs and trying to see where Leliana and Cassandra were to notice Adamair was moving. She spotted Cassandra – she’d been knocked out cold by one of the fireballs – but Leliana was nowhere to be seen. Ellana rushed to Cassandra. The fireballs had finally stopped falling. Before Ellana could reach Cassandra, she was knocked off her feet by Adamair; Ellana rolled into a ball to protect herself from the blow that was undoubtedly coming.

Nothing happened.

Ellana was afraid to open her eyes in case the blow would still come; slowly she unfolded herself, opening her eyes. Adamair was still there. His short frame looming over her as she lay there. But he was stone now.


	7. Chapter 7

Stone… _Solas!_ Ellana frantically got up and looked around. Solas was the only mage she’d seen capable of turning people into stone. “Solas!” Ellana screamed. He had to be here, and she wanted to catch him before he disappeared again. She ran in a random direction, scared to miss her chance. In that moment everything was forgotten but Solas.

“Solas!” Ellana called out again.

_It had to be him._ Where was he? You couldn’t cast spells unless you were relatively near. How did he get here? Above all else _why_ was he here? Ellana had asked him for help but it didn’t seem he was willing to help.

Ellana ran around the smallest building and there he was: Solas was walking, but so slowly Ellana wondered whether he had _let_ her catch up to him. _How did I know where to run to_ , she idly wondered. “Solas,” she breathed.

Solas turned around and actually looked relieved to see Ellana, until he noticed the arrow in her arm and the blood already dripping down from it.

For a moment they just looked at each other. “You came,” Ellana said, surprise seeping into her voice, “even after you told Leliana and Cassandra where I was?” Solas stayed quiet. “That is why they are here, right?” Ellana continued.

“Yes,” Solas finally replied, “I told Scout Harding how to find you.”

“Scout Harding, Lace? So you know she works with us?”

“Of course.”

“Of course,” Ellana repeated.

Solas approached her and reached out his hand, he looked like he was about to touch her arm, but he hesitated. “Would you like me to heal you?” he asked.

Ellana looked down at where the arrow was sticking out from her arm. For a moment she’d forgotten about the pain. “Would you?” she asked surprised.

Solas softly chuckled.

“What?” Ellana asked, feeling slightly silly already.

“You think I would save your life but not be willing to heal your arm?”

“I guess that would be odd,” Ellana smiled. “Go ahead,” she stretched out her right arm, cringing at the pain.

“We will have to get the arrow out first,” Solas warned, he took Ellana’s hand and pulled her closer. His hand moved up her arm to hold on just above the elbow. “Normally it would be best to push it through, but the arrow has not gone in very deep so we need to pull it out.” Solas was already holding on to the arrow. Ellana swallowed hard, she might have been getting wounded regularly for years but pain was not something she ever got used to. “All right,” she eventually said and nodded.

Solas gave one quick tug on the arrow and it ripped free from Ellana’s flesh. “Argh!” The pain was intense, burning around the wound, but it was radiating down her arm; even her fingers seemed to ache like she was holding on to hot steel. At least it wasn’t bleeding as badly as Ellana had feared it would.

Solas looked pained as well, his hand was still on her arm, a little lower now. “I’m sorry I don’t think I can take the pain away,” he said.

“Where’s Cole when you need him, right?” Ellana said.

Solas smiled, but his smile vanished as Ellana let out another strangled noise of pain. “Maybe you should hold it still,” Solas suggested tentatively.

“Ah yes, I would never have thought of that,” Ellana said sarcastically.

“I would take the pain away if I could,” Solas said. Solas’ hand ran down her arm until he reached her hand, Ellana laced her fingers through his, she squeezed his hand to let him know she didn’t blame him. “I can only heal the wound, the pain will take some time to fade, but I might be able to give you instructions for a potion.”

“AH!” A sudden fresh spark of pain lit up her arm. Again she was reminded of the mark. Ellana let go of Solas’ hand and almost doubled over. “Hopefully not too much time,” she said under her breath.

“I’m sorry,” Solas said, his hand reaching out to cover the wound. His other hand took her hand. “This might hurt as well,” he warned. Ellana nodded. Solas lifted his hand a little so that it hovered just above the wound. Ellana looked down at Solas’ hand and while she couldn’t see anything happening, she could feel a strange chill moving across her skin, followed by an intense heat. The heat became so intense she almost wanted to tell Solas to stop, but just before she did, it passed.

“There,” Solas said, and he touched her arm where the wound had been. The pain was still there, a little less intense perhaps. Suddenly Ellana felt very conscious of his hand on her arm. They hadn’t been this close for over a year. Yes, they’d met in the fade since then, but now they were both physically here.

“Thank you,” Ellana eventually said. It seemed inadequate.

Solas briefly smiled. “Does it still hurt?”

“It does,” Ellana said, looking down at the now healed wound. There was still blood caked on her skin and the pain of course, but otherwise it looked like nothing had happened. Ellana scrunched her face at the pain. “I just have to get my mind off it.”

Solas titled her face up, their eyes met briefly, and then he leaned in, his soft lips meeting hers in a quick kiss.

Solas almost immediately straightened himself, his eyes meeting Ellana’s.

“Did that work?” Solas asked playfully.

Ellana blinked.

“I guess it di –“

Ellana leaned in and kissed him. Solas froze for a moment, but then kissed her back, dissipating Ellana’s fears as he deepened the kiss. Despite the pain, Ellana reached to touch Solas, her hand moving up, fingers brushing along his jawline. Solas hands moved around her waist, pulling her closer, one hand trailed up her left arm, until his hand was sliding into her hair. His warmth sent a current running through Ellana’s body. Ellana’s hand burrowed in his collar, trying to pull him even closer, impossibly closer, almost entwining… Solas pulled away. But only slightly. He stayed close and let his forehead rest against Ellana’s.

Ellana felt Solas’ fingers brushing against her hand, she took his hand, and for the shortest moment she forgot about the people she needed to help, she forgot that any moment Leliana and Cassandra or even Andar could find her here. For the shortest moment Ellana was back at a time when she didn’t know who Solas was and believed herself so lucky. Despite knowing it was selfish and would betray the trust so many had placed in her, Ellana wanted to stay in that moment and give all others up.

Ellana placed a soft kiss on Solas’ mouth. “You know you could still choose… to stay here,” she timidly said. She was sure they both knew what she’d meant. And what his reply would be.

Solas stroked Ellana’s cheek before running a thumb over her bottom lip. He leaned forward for just a fraction as if he was going to kiss her again, but they both froze in place when they heard a frustrated grunt from behind them.

Ellana looked over her shoulder to see Cassandra standing there. Leliana appeared from around the corner as well. “Solas!” Cassandra raged. Before Ellana realised what was happening, Cassandra had thrown a dagger at Solas and Solas had apparently blocked it as it fell harmlessly in front of his feet. Cassandra let out another frustrated sigh and drew her sword, ready to attack.

“Cassandra!” Ellana said as she approached her friend with hands raised. Ellana wasn’t sure if she was protecting Solas or Cassandra or both.

“Seeker,” Solas said, it sounded like he was simply greeting her after a long absence. “Leliana,” he nodded at Leliana who – to her credit – nodded as well, as if this was just another day.

“You did this!” Cassandra hissed and approached Solas, despite Ellana standing in the way.

“Yes, I abducted your leader and instead of killing her while we were alone I waited for you to arrive,” Solas said sarcastically.

Cassandra took another step, her sword still raised.

“Cassandra, please!” Ellana realised how she sounded so she added: “There’s no use, remember what I told you, what he did to the Qunari? Did you not see Adamair – the mage – out there?”

Cassandra glared at Ellana, but eventually lowered her sword. “Why is he here?” Cassandra demanded.

“He sent the map,” Leliana said. Turning to Cassandra she said, “Lace told me she received the map from Solas.”

“What? And you didn’t tell me?” Cassandra was now glaring at Leliana.

“I feared you might want to try and track him from Lace’s last location, and try to kill him,” Leliana gave a pointed look at the Cassandra’s right hand, still clutching the sword. “We needed to concentrate on getting Ellana back.”

Cassandra sheeted her sword. “I see,” she said curtly.

“You have her,” Solas said to Leliana. He turned around and was going to leave.

“Solas,” Ellana said, her hand reaching out to touch his arm, hoping she’d seen something in his face just now. Some change. Solas briefly covered her hand with his, a brief sad smile flashed across his face, but then he let go and left. Ellana considered going after him, but there seemed little point. When she turned to face the two other women, Cassandra looked like she was even more eager to chase after Solas.

It suddenly dawned on Ellana that Andar was still not there and that there was at least one slaver left. Though this one had been so nervous he might have fled. Ignoring the look on their faces, Ellana rushed past Cassandra and Leliana. “Andar, he’s another elf, he’s still here, somewhere!” she yelled at them while running away.

Andar came running when he heard Ellana calling his name. “I was wondering where you had ran off to,” he said when he spotted her. “Sorry for disappearing myself, but I needed to do something about my shoulder.” Ander pointed at the bandage wrapped around his wounded shoulder.

Ellana felt guilt wash over her, she’d been so glad to find Solas, she’d not thought about Andar, or the fact that he needed help. Ellana looked around the place, the fires had gone out and she wondered whether Solas had done that. The place was deserted, it seemed the last slaver had fled.

“I’m so sorry I left you like that,” Ellana said to Andar. “That was selfish of me,” she added even more apologetically.

“Selfish?” Andar sounded surprised. He seemed to want to say something else, but was distracted by the two women approaching them. “I assume you know them?” Andar asked Ellana.

“Yes, they work –“ she looked over her shoulder at Leliana and Cassandra. “They’re my friends.”

“Well, I’m glad your friends are so skilled,” Andar smiled. He turned to Leliana and Cassandra who had now caught up with them. “Thank you,” he said to them.

“You’re Andar?” Leliana asked.

“I am.”

“I’m Leliana, and this is Cassandra,” Leliana gestured at Cassandra, who was still glaring at Ellana.

“He’s coming with us,” Ellana said. It was a rash decision, mainly fuelled by Ellana’s guilt over leaving Andar to his fate. She turned to Andar, “If you want to of course. At least come with us until your shoulder is properly healed.”

“You don’t want me to join your cause?” Andar smiled.

“I just want to repay you, you helped me and I almost let you get killed.”

“These things happen,” Andar shrugged.

Ellana laughed a little. “So will you come with me?”

“I will.”

 

Andar had feared he wouldn’t be able to get to sleep, bouncing around in the cart they were using to travel, but he had managed to fall into dreaming. The forest was brightly green with some brown and yellow leaves already in the trees. There was sunlight coming from the sky, and it warmth the skin even if this wasn’t the physical world. There was no sign of the wolf, but this forest wasn’t accessible unless you were invited.

“Andar,” the call came from the trees. Fen’harel appeared.

Andar froze, he’d decided what he wanted to say before allowing himself to fall asleep, but faced with Fen’harel – even if he had seen him many times before – made him lose his nerve.

“I am sorry I could not stay to heal your shoulder,” he nodded at Andar’s shoulder, here the shoulder was fine.

“Probably for the best; I’m not sure how I could’ve explained the wound disappearing.”

“She saw it happen then?”

“Yes, before you arrived I believe.”

Fen’harel nodded. “You did well,” he said. His hands were clasped behind his back and while he seemed relaxed, there was a strange tension in his movements. “It seems you have already gained her trust, she seemed worried for your life.”

“You spoke to her?” Andar asked surprised.

For a moment Fen’harel tensed even more, his jaw clenched. “She asked for help.”

“ _For help?_ For me? You did not come because of me then?” Andar remembered he’d thought he had seen her be hit by an arrow even though she didn’t seem wounded when she came for him. Now he understood. He wanted to ask why, but Andar didn’t feel he could.

“You did well,” Fen’harel repeated, apparently seeing Andar’s nervousness. “I would have helped you if I could.”

“Ma melava halani,” [1] Andar replied. Fen’harel’s expression made it clear he realised Andar didn’t mean this day. “You saved me when my clan was wiped out,” Andar said. “I am grateful, but…” Andar felt his heart racing in his chest. Was this something he could actually do? _Would Fen’harel even allow him to choose another’s side?_ “I don’t want to spy on her.” Andar quickly said the words.

“ _You do not want to spy on her?_ Or do you want to join her cause?” Fen’harel asked.

Andar swallowed hard. “I want the world to change, and I think she might be able to.”

“The war that is coming is inevitable,” Fen’harel said.

“Telanadas,” [2] Andar replied.

Fen’harel let out a bitter laugh. “Not true, unfortunately.” He looked up at Andar, his eyes filling with sympathy. “I could not stop it if I desired to. Vir sumeil.” [3]

Andar shook his head. “Maybe we’re not, if we try to stop it, if we succeed. If you wanted to,” Andar paused. “Do you?” Andar asked and almost immediately wanted to bite his tongue for getting him into trouble all the time.

“It cannot be stopped, my personal desire is beside the point.”

Andar bit his lip. “I think I want to, at least try to.”

“Ma nuvenin,” [4] Fen’harel answered.

Andar looked up at him, surprised. “You would let me leave?”

“Of course. I want to give the elves back what we lost, enslaving elves seems counterproductive.”

“I’m still thankful for what you did for me,” Andar said. “I will be, even if we end up on opposite sides.”

Fen’harel turned around and Andar knew he was leaving. “Ir abelas,” [5] Andar said.

Fen’harel looked back at him for a moment. “Tel’abelas,” [6] he replied. And disappeared.

“Dareth shiral,” [7] Andar said under his breath and woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] “You helped me,”
> 
> [2] “Nothing is inevitable,”
> 
> [3] We are close.
> 
> [4] “As you wish,”
> 
> [5] “I’m sorry,”
> 
> [6] “I’m not,” (someone suggested this is simply the standard reply to someone saying sorry, so keep that in mind)
> 
> [7] “Goodbye,”
> 
> In case you wanted to know my reasoning behind Andar's use of Elvish when speaking to Solas: I figured that as Solas' was trying to recruit modern Elves to his cause, he would probably play on their tendency to cling to their (imagined) glorious past. He says something to that effect when you speak to him about elves, specifically those in the cities. Anyway, I presume the same can be said for the Dalish (which Andar is). So I figured that one of the ways for Solas to 'proof' he wants to restore the elves is to teach them Elvish, a language that is slowly dying out.
> 
> As Elvish in Dragon Age isn't a fully developed language I have to rely on translations of things already used by the creators, so it might be awkward or plain wrong (feel free to comment) if I missed something.


	8. Chapter 8

“Cassandra?” Ellana was surprised to see the seeker enter her room. Cassandra hadn’t spoken a word to Ellana all the way back to this small home of theirs. Today, everyone was busy preparing for the journey to Tevinter, Ellana herself had been gathering the few items she called her own in the small room that was her bedroom.

Cassandra closed the door behind her. “Inquisitor,” she said curtly.

“I’m not the –“

“I want to discuss your relationship with Solas,” Cassandra interrupted her.

“My relationship with Solas?”

Cassandra nodded. “I know you are close to him,” her voice was cold and controlled. “But I need to know you will do what is necessary, when the time comes.”

Ellana narrowed her eyes. “You mean you want to know if I would be willing to kill him if it comes to that."

" _If it comes to that_?” Cassandra huffed, her voice less controlled now. “Do you truly imagine there is an outcome where it will not be? Has he not made clear what he intends to do?”

“I know what he thinks he needs to do, but there is always a choice, I hope you remember that as well.”

“ _Argh_ ,” Cassandra threw her hands in the air. “You hope I will remember? What ahouls I remember exactly? That Solas is no longer our ally, that he has chosen a path that will lead to the destruction of our world? Tell me Inquisitor, what would you have me remember?”

“You really believe we can’t reason with Solas?”

“Reason with him? How? You said he does not even see us as people.”

“He does now.”

“He sees _you_ as a person.”

“Not just me.”

“Perhaps, but he still cares for you more than he can ever care about the rest of us and he is still willing to sacrifice you, what do you think he’d be willing to do to the rest of us?”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is!” Cassandra paced the length of the room. “You simply refuse to acknowledge it!”

“I know exactly –“

“You were in his arms when we found you!” Cassandra rounded on Ellana. “Would you have let me kill him?”

“Cassandra, you couldn’t have –“

“If I could, if I found a weapon that use against him, would you allow it?”

Ellana bit her lip and looked away. She could lie, maybe even convincingly, but she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to say she’d let Solas get killed.

“Exactly,” Cassandra said. “How are we supposed to defeat him if you will not except the fact that we will most likely have to kill him.”

“There will be another way,” Ellana said, her voice quiet and small. “I have to find another way.” She straightened and met Cassandra’s eyes. “I won’t give up on him.”

“Because you love him?”

“Yes, but also… I could’ve been Solas. He made the wrong decision, did what he thought was right and it failed spectacularly. Don’t you understand, Cassandra? I could have been him. All the impossible decisions I’ve had to make, any of them could’ve ended catastrophic, some still might. If I were to believe some people they did. I truly believed Solas thought he did the right thing when he did it and it ended destroying the whole world, I could easily have had the same thing happen to me. Decisions that big can end in disaster even if you choose to do the ‘right’ thing.”

Cassandra seemed to calm down listening to Ellana, but there was still something about Cassandra’s expression that unsettled Ellana. “I understand,” Cassandra said, “but correcting his mistake would cost us too much and we cannot risk that. If we find a way to kill Solas, we have to.”

“I won’t let it come to that.”

“I understand, I just hope you will be prepared if it does come to that.”

Ellana picked up her gloves from the small table by the window, preparing to leave. “There’s something else you won’t like,” Ellana said. “A suggestion, well, a plan I have.”

“Yes?”

“I want to travel to Crestwood, before we leave for Tevinter, you and Leliana can travel ahead, but I want to travel to Crestwood before I join you.”

“Why Crestwood?”

“Because that’s where Solas left me.”

Cassandra was visibly constraining herself.

“I’m not going there to wallow,” Ellana assured her. “Solas told me he had wanted to tell me the truth about who he was, and what his plans are, there. He also told me, years back, that he travelled to specific places to retrieve memories from the Fade. I’m hoping I can as well, I have been to the Fade with him –“ Ellana stopped short of saying ‘many nights.’ It was close to every night, but she’d not told any of them about the dreams. In fact she had only confided in Dorian and Josephine about where Solas and her had had their first kiss. “The point is, I think I can enter the Fade, dreaming, and find the memory and maybe that will tell us something more about his plans.”

“I can’t say I’m happy with that plan, but I recognise it could be valuable. Are you planning to go alone?”

“Yes, I need you and Leliana to organise everyone now we’re finally making the push for Tevinter. There are too many factions to rally and it needs to be you two; we need people they will trust.”

“I don’t want you going alone.”

“I doubt it will be a problem, I’ll be a lot faster than you, so I’ll catch up before you can even start to wonder whether I’ve been captured… again.”

“Hilarious,” Cassandra rolled her eyes. “At least take Andar with you.”

Ellana looked at Cassandra with raised eyebrows.

“What?”

“I did not predict you would be the one to trust him first.”

Cassandra huffed, “Ah yes, make fun of me.”

“I simply meant that you don’t trust very easily, that’s not a bad thing, I’m just surprised you would suggest that I would take Andar with me.”

“He was willing to get killed to protect you, that should be counted in his favour. Besides, as you said, this is just a quick run, if he isn’t trust worthy this would be the time to find out.”

“That’s the Cassandra I know and love,” Ellana said smiling, but Cassandra clearly wasn’t amused. “All right, I’ll ask if he is willing to go along.”

Ellana turned to go find Andar, when Cassandra said: “Inquisi – _Ellana_ , I do understand, what it’s like to lose the one you love, and I just want you to be prepared.”

 

The journey to Crestwood went by faster than Ellana would’ve thought. Though she was sure Andar wouldn’t agree; Ellana had been very quiet, her mind preoccupied by what Cassandra had said, and what she was going to see when they got to Crestwood.

The sun was setting as the approached the gate, ribbons of bright yellow running through a deep orange. Ellana and Andar were both riding the best horses their strange little cause had: two large black mares ‘donated’ to their cause by Cassandra’s family estate. As they slowly moved closer to the gate, Ellana thought back to when she had first visited the village. It had been a dark stormy night, made all the more dark by the rift in the lake and all the chaos it caused in the village. They’d managed to help the village and now, years later it looked peaceful in the setting sun. Crestwood had expanded quite a bit in the past three years, and there was even a hostel now.

Ellana got off her horse and Andar followed suite. As Ellana looked at the gate now she notice a figure had appeared, a man leaning against the side of the gate. “Cullen?” Ellana handed the reins of her horse to Andar as she moved to great her former commander. “Cullen!” she repeated, offering him her hand.

“Inquisitor Lavellan,” Cullen smiled and shook her hand.

“I’m not the inquisitor anymore, Cullen.”

“It’s an honourary title,” Cullen said, his smile broadening.

“You seem very nonplussed to see me,” Ellana said.

“Harding told me you were coming,” Cullen said, “I thought it would be rude not to greet an old friend.”

“You live around here?”

“I do, not in the village, but close by.”

Ellana nodded. “Last I heard, you were running a sanctuary for former Templars.”

“I still am,” Cullen said, “I went through it myself, and I wouldn’t have made it without Cassandra and your help, and now I help others who want to stop taking Lyrium.”

“Are there many Templars who want to leave the chantry?”

“Most just want to stop taking Lyrium, the wish was there before and I think me successfully stop taking it has given a lot of Templars hope that it might actually be possible. Unfortunately the Chantry won’t let any Templars serve unless they are taking Lyrium, so usually it starts with the desire to stop Lyrium but ends with them having to leave the Chantry.”

“At least they have the option now and you –” Ellana suddenly became aware of a soft coughing sound, she turned around and Andar was giving her a meaningful look while nodding his head at Cullen.

“Oh!” Ellana exclaimed. “Right, Cullen, this is Andar, Andar this is Cullen, he used to command the Inquisition’s forces.”

“I know,” Andar said, he shook Cullen’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“And you,” Cullen said.

“Andar is here to look after me,” Ellana said jokingly.

“Well, remembering what your reports used to say, I think you might need that,” Cullen said.

“Yes, very funny commander,” Ellana narrowed her eyes.

Cullen smiled. “It was nice to see you again, if you need any help, please let me know, the owner of the hostel knows me, she can point you to my sanctuary if you need me.”

“Thank you Cullen, it was nice to see you again as well, hopefully I won’t need any more help than I already have,” Ellana gave Andar a playful push.

Cullen waved and turned to leave. Ellana took back the reins of her horse and she and Andar started to cross through the village for the quickest way to their destination.

“It was good to hear your voice again,” Andar said, “I was starting to think you’d taken some kind of oath.” His tone of voice was playful, but Ellana felt guilty anyway.

“I’m sorry, I know I’ve been very quiet, I just… I am not looking forward to having to relive the memories we’re looking for.”

“Because they’re painful?”

Ellana looked at Andar, “they are.”

“Do they have to do with your relationship with Solas?”

Ellana looked inquisitively at Andar; she wasn’t sure if she’d told him about her relationship with Solas – whatever that was.

“There were rumours, back when the Inquisition was still working, but also after that, among some elves, there was this believe that Fen’harel had a lover in the Inquisition. I guessed it had to be you.”

Ellana scoffed, “of course there were.” She sighed, over the last year a lot of people had started to believe that the rumour about the elven apostate who used to be part of the Inquisition turning out to be an ancient elven god was just that, a rumour. In fact many openly mocked the very idea. But among the elves of Thedas, the rumours weren’t simply rumours, most believed absolutely that Solas was Fen’harel, and if there was doubt it was about whether he was a friend or foe of the people. Still, Ellana hadn’t known that her relationship to the Dread Wolf was discussed as well. None of her own clan had mentioned it and she had felt relieved, it wasn’t something she wished to discuss. Even after Solas had left the Inquisition, and Leliana had tried to show Ellana support, she’d shrugged it off and the two had never discussed it again. Somehow the fact that people were discussing her relationship to Solas bothered her more than any of the other storied people had circulated about her, during her time as Inquisitor, it felt intrusive, it was _her_ pain and she didn’t want an audience.

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Andar said, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

“It’s fine, well, not fine, but...” Ellana swallowed hard. It wasn’t fine, but she’d go on anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a bit of a wait and some of you might be disappointed at the lack of Solas in this chapter, but he's back in the next one which will be up somewhere this weekend!


	9. Chapter 9

They finally reached the cave that led to Ellana’s least favourite place in Crestwood. Two giant Harts, cut out of stone ages ago, stood there as silent sentinels. It was almost completely dark already, as it had been the last time she was here; at least the sound of the small waterfall was soothing. Ellana looked around the small pond, there was a new statue of Fen’harel across the pond. Ellana had seen several appear over the past three years. They were smaller and more delicate than the old statues and even the locals usually seemed clueless not only about the ones placing them there, but also when they were placed. Before there was only one statue of the dread wolf here, the one outside the cave’s entrance. Was that why Solas had chosen this place to make his confession? Did the murals she could see here have anything to do with his story?

“What are you hoping to see?” Andar asked Ellana.

“I don’t know, I just know there was more going on that day than I knew at the time, so I am hoping I’ll be able to access that information in the Fade.”

Andar nodded. He bit his lip, looking more unsure than he ever had since she’d met him. “So you and Fen – Solas – were close?”

Ellana swallowed hard. She had expected this question, but she didn’t really want to answer him. Andar was still Dalish after all and she could imagine what it would sound like to him, to hear she was the Dread Wolf’s lover. “Yes, though I didn’t realise who he was,” Ellana said.

Andar laughed. “No I wouldn’t expect you to start a relationship with Fen’harel.”

Ellana felt a little annoyed at his remark.

“So when did you find out?”

“Not until years after what we had ended. I figured it out, but he would’ve told me then anyway. At the same time he told me his plans.”

“To restore the Elven people to their former glory?”

Ellana wasn’t surprised that Andar only knew the fairytale version of Solas’ plan. “Yes, of course we wouldn’t really be counted among the Elves according to him. Only the ancient Elves, it’s their empire he wants to destroy, at the cost of our world.”

Andar frowned, “ _At the cost of our own?_ ”

“Yes, that’s the part he leaves out of the stories he spins for the Elves who join him.” Ellana looked at the statue of Fen’harel. “There might be room in that new world for modern Elves, but I’ve not heard him say we could survive what he plans to do to the world. He wants to tear down the veil, reshape reality, I can’t see how any of us would survive. Of course, that’s not his goal, he wants to free the ancient Elves, not us.”

Andar’s expression darkened, his jaw tightened and he looked angry, truly angry for the first time since she’d met him.

“Are you all right?” Ellana asked. “I realise it must be difficult to hear, if you believed the fairytale spun around him these days. But now you understand why I have to find a way to stop him.”

Andar nodded and then made a conscious effort to smile. “So how do we do this anyway?” Andar asked. “Do I have to knock you out?”

“I prefer the softer touch,” Ellana said as she revealed a small bottle she had been carrying around with her. “This should help me sleep and encourage the dreaming, the last dreamers of my clan used this.”

“And it’s safe? There’s nothing I should keep an eye out for?” Andar asked.

Ellana smiled at Andar’s concern; this was probably the safest thing she’d done in years. “No, I don’t think there’s anything that could happen during the dream, but I’d keep an eye out for wyverns.”

“Wyverns?”

“I had to clear out an infestation here once,” Ellana said as she secured her horse and then Andar’s.

“That doesn’t sound like a job for an Inquisitor.”

“You wouldn’t believe how many menial things are expected from an Inquisitor,” Ellana laughed a little.

Andar smiled and took his bags from the horse’s back. He took out one of the bed rolls and spread it out on the floor.

“Are you planning on taking a nap?”

“No, but I thought you’d like something soft to lie on.”

“Oh, right,” Ellana said, she hadn’t given it much thought really, her thoughts had been preoccupied with what she might find in the Fade. Ellana sat down on the bedroll and downed the small bottle. “I’m not sure how long this will take, or if you’d be able to wake me if you had to, but feel free to try.”

Andar laughed, “I’ll be sure to shake you in case of danger.”

Ellana lay down and closed her eyes. “I’ve always heard a splash of water to the face is more effective,” she mumbled before drifting asleep.

 

Ellana opened her eyes and sat up, the bedroll was gone, as was Andar. Everything else seemed exactly the same, strangly enough the new tatue was still there as well, the only difference seemed to be that sky was a little darker and the trees a little greener. It all felt as real as any waking moment did to her, but then Ellana should’ve been prepared for that, the time she’d spent in the Fade with Solas felt as real as this did.

Ellana got to her feet and walked over to the edge of the pond, she was almost certain this was the exact spot Solas had left her. She wondered whether that memory was strong enough to linger here, there had to be other memories tied to this place as well and she wasn’t sure whether one could choose which one to experience. Solas had never mentioned that and the last dreamer of her clan had died before she was even born. Ellana’s wonderings were interrupted when she saw strange slivers of something cut through the empty air. The shimmers became bolder until they formed two figures. _Two elves_. Ellana and Solas, walking hand in hand.

Ellana felt her heart break a little, looking at this shadow of herself, she remember how she had felt when Solas asked her to go to Crestwood, just the two of them. And when he’d taken her here, she thought he wanted to do something special for her, something to finally cement whatever it was that was between them.

“… _trying to determine some way to show you…”_ The words were soft as they echoed through this place, his voice sounded different, deeper than it usually did. Ellana watched as Solas caressed her cheek and she smiled at him. Slowly she approached the figures, they were only a few feet away from her, but Ellana couldn’t resist the temptation to get closer, hoping to see something new.

“ _That’s not necessary, Solas, I know what we mean to each other,”_ Ellana’s voice spoke. Ellana looked at her own face, she was smiling. _Had that been what she’d said to him?_ She felt the memory was incomplete.

“ _I wonder if you do,”_ Solas said. Ellana felt that wasn’t quite right, but memories were flawed things and maybe this was closer to the truth than the memory in her head. Perhaps the reason for it was because this was Solas’ memory, as that would give her a chance to discover something about his plans, some new information.

“ _I can only show you what you mean to me if I’m honest with you about… everything.”_ Solas took Ellana’s hands.

Suddenly Ellana saw new images in her head, vivid images… more vivid than memories. She had experienced this before, when she and Solas had visited Haven in the Fade together, when he had told her of his memories of the first rift she’d closed, she had seen the memory as clear as if it were her own. This had to be the same thing. What Ellana saw now, images of Elven cities, not ruins, and statues of Fen’harel being placed, the old statues looking new and painted white; these were not her memories, but his.

Ellana remembered what Solas had told her, how he’d planned to tell her who he was, what he’d done and needed to do. What she was seeing now wasn’t her memory but his, when he was still certain he would tell her. This strange, tight sensation formed in her chest and it didn’t feel like it was part of her own reaction to this situation, but rather part of the memory itself. It made sense, after all memories weren’t just words and pictures, they carried an emotional impact. It was a nervous energy that she hadn’t felt at the time, so it had to be his memory.

There was also something else, she could hear the faintest of voices, words, sentences, some inaudible, maybe other memories connected to this one, or thoughts that went through either his or her mind when this memory was formed.

_…Fen’harel…_

_…the dread wolf…_

_…the one your people hate…_

The words were tiny wisps carried by the wind; some were so soft they were carried away again before she could make them out.

               “ _You are unique in this world. When I woke I never thought to find anything that could fade my longing for the old world.”_ Solas’ face was soft, his expression kind and surprised. This wasn’t what he had said, not precisely, but it was what he had meant. A feeling of warmth washed over her; even now those words meant everything to her. If Ellana could draw his attention from his path back then, surely she could do it now. She would never have to find out whether she could fight him if she had to. _Kill_ him if she had to.

                                                                            … _Fen’harel…_

“ _You mean everything to me, I never would’ve believed I could find someone here, but you are everything,” Solas’ voice spoke._

_…the one your people hate…_

_“As you are to me,”_ Ellana replied. The feeling of warmth grew and then suddenly was replaced by dread and guilt. Ellana looked at Solas’ face, his brow puckered, jaw clenched. “ _I have to be honest with you,”_ his voice tense.

                                                          … _I am the Dread Wolf…_

Ellana almost wanted to leave, to wake up, if she even could right now. This was it, this was when he decided to keep the lie and ultimately push her away. Ellana looked at her own face, her vallaslin still there, her eyes wide and she remembered the happiness she’d felt at his words, his confession, hearing him say she was important to him.

                                                                  _…selfish of me…_

Solas squeezed her hands. _“The markings on your face, they’re slave markings.”_ Solas touched Ellana’s face. _“Nobles marked their slaves to honour the gods they worshipped, the Dalish remembered it wrong,_ the tradition is wrong _.”_

_“No, they mark me as one of the Dalish.”_

_“I admire your unconquerable spirit, but that is not their true meaning.”_

_…I’m sorry that I have to hurt you…_

_“I can free you if you like.”_

_…take the markings as I have countless time before…_

_…I’m sorry…_

_“I can’t just let go, I’m part of this world,”_ Ellana said, her hand briefly touching her forehead, seemingly self-conscious about the markings again. Ellana looked at herself, the unsure expression on her face, and she felt guilt wash over her again, but it wasn’t her own: Solas had never meant this to be his confession and it was probably said more rash, less delicate than he would’ve liked. At the time Ellana had not questioned his sudden discussion about her vallaslin, but looking at it now, it seemed strange to take her away from the Inquisition’s stronghold just to discuss those markings.

_…I’m causing you pain…_

_“… selfish of me. I see who you truly are and I can’t bear to see you carry those marks.”_

_“Then… take the vallaslin away.”_ Ellana smiled at Solas and he smiled back.          

_“Sit then,”_ Solas held her hand, guided her to where he wanted her to sit. They both knelt down.

_“Are you sure?”_ Solas asked, stroking Ellana’s cheek.

“ _Yes,”_ Ellana answered, covering his hand with hers.

Ellana circled around the two figures. This had been the moment that eventually led to her discovering Solas was the one her people called Fen’harel. When she saw the mural depicting the Dread Wolf taking the vallaslin from other elves she knew, everything made more sense when she saw that. Part of her wondered if Solas had hoped she would discover the truth on her own.

Solas’ hands moved along her arms, shoulders, neck, hovering above her skin a mere inch. When the hands reached her face, the long delicate fingers bend to form a shield close to her skin, a green light emanated from his hands now, enveloping her face, but Ellana kept her eyes on Solas’. As the vallaslin disappeared from her face, erased line by line the way it had been set into her skin years before, the light grew dimmer and when the valasslin was gone, so was the light. Solas’ hand moved to the back of her head, one of his hands briefly running through her hair before lowering both hands and resting them in her lap on top of her own hands. _“Ar lasa mala revas.”_

Solas took Ellana’s hands and guided her back onto her feet. Ellana saw the unsure expression on her own face, and remembered how she felt uneasy under Solas’ intense eyes. He shook his head.

                                                          _…never imagined…_

Solas smiled at Ellana and moved even closer to her, one hand moving to rest at her waist. Ellana felt warmth wash over her again, warmth and guilt and… love.

_“You are so beautiful,”_ Solas said, snaking an arm around Ellana’s waist and pulling her closer.

                                                          … _I want to stay…_

_“I…”_ There was the slightest hesitation in Solas’ movements, before he leaned in and kissed Ellana. Ellana looked at the two figures, feeling Solas’ love for her. He always hesitated before kissing her.

Solas was the one to break away, a smile on his face and then…

There were those intrusive memories again, images she struggled to make out. She saw an arch demon, large lack gates, a horde of darkspawn overrunning the world and then… nothing. A pure darkness filled with nothing. A hiver ran down her spine as the images faded.

Ellana looked at Solas and tried to understand what she had just seen. _Was that what he had thought of just before deciding to leave her?_

_…I can’t stop what’s coming..._

_… I can’t stop what’s coming…_

_…the people need me..._

Ellana could feel the exact moment Solas decided he had to leave her. She could feel her heart break, _his_ heart break, but also the guilt and a feeling of obligation, but also dread. But above all she could feel his heart breaking as hers had.

                                                              … _I can’t stop what’s coming…_

_…I’m sorry…_

_…you are so beautiful…_

Solas’ expression became pained as he let go of Ellana and straightened himself. _“I distracted you from your duty, it will never happen again. I’m sorry.”_

Despite having known this would come, Ellana felt tears stinging her eyes, and she wasn’t sure if anything she could possibly learn could be worth this heartache, worth relieving the worst of it again.

               _“I don’t want to lose you, Solas…”_ Ellana could hear herself say.

_“Please, vhenan.”_ Solas backed away from Ellana, even as her hands reached out for him. It had never occurred to Ellana how strange it was he would still call her vhenan, even as he was breaking it off. Ellana’s expression hardened, even though her heart was breaking. “ _Tell me you don’t care,”_ she demanded. Back then she had felt betrayed. But that wasn’t what Ellana was feeling now, now she felt guilt and pain and a deep longing.

                                                                _…in another world…_

“ _I can’t do that,”_ Solas replied, his voice held a little quiver she’d seldom heard from him.

“ _Tell me you don’t care!”_ Ellana said again, her voice breaking, shoving at Solas’ chest. _“Tell me it meant nothing to you so I can call you a coldhearted son of a bitch and move on!”_ Ellana pushed him again, shoving at him, Solas let her.

                                              … _before it consumes the world…_

_“Tell me you don’t care!”_ Ellana shoved at Solas again before turning around and leaving. Ellana saw her own face as she left and this had to be Solas’ memory, because there were no tears running down her face.

_“I’m sorry_ ,” Solas said to Ellana, but she was already gone.

                                                                        _…in another world…_

Ellana turned to look at her own disappearing form. She wondered what she would’ve said if he’d confessed everything that night. At least the heartache from the memory had disappeared and she was left with her own emotions. She wondered if she would see anything else. Ellana turned back around. Solas was standing a little closer now, looking at the waterfall. The voices, the slivers of his memory were gone and all Ellana could hear was the sound of the water. Ellana looked at Solas and wondered if the voices would come back, or if she could follow him to wherever he had gone that night. He hadn’t come back with her, just disappeared into the night and for a short while Ellana had believed he would never come back, but when her travelling party finally arrived at Skyhold, there he was, in his damned rotunda just reading some book like nothing had happened.

Solas turned and looked directly at her. A shiver ran down Ellana’s spine; memories didn’t interact with you. They didn’t meet your eyes.

“You’re here,” Ellana said, her voice almost a whisper.

Solas took a few steps towards her.

“You’re not a memory. You’re here,” Ellana repeated.

“I am,” Solas said.

_And he chose to reveal himself_ , Ellana thought to herself, her heart jumping in her chest.

“I’m sorry, I’m being selfish, I just wanted to see you,” Solas sounded as apologetic as the memory had.

“How did you even find me?” Ellana asked.

“I –“ Solas fidgeted with his hands. “I followed you, you were travelling alone with Andar and I wanted to make sure –“

“You were worried?” Ellana asked surprised. Over the past year she’d done a lot more terrible things than travelling alone with a new friend through relatively safe lands.

Solas didn’t reply.

“How long have you been here?” Ellana asked.

“I arrived just now,” Solas said. “I would’ve left, waited for your party where I wouldn’t be seen, but you were dreaming and I –“

“Wanted to see me.”

Solas nodded.

Ellana looked at her feet. “And I want to see you, but not like this. We see each other like this enough as it is, I want to be awake.” She looked up at Solas and expected protest. If only because she felt like this was as good as the waking world to him.

Instead he smiled and approached her, took her hand in his and said: “All right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try to keep chapters relatively short because reading from a screen can be tiring, this one was a bit longer, but I already had to split it in two and I couldn't see another place to split it.


	10. Chapter 10

Solas opened his eyes, it was darker than when he’d gone to sleep, and across from him he could see Ellana lying on her side on the bed roll, beneath her long black hair he could see her eyes fluttering open. Ellana’s light eyes met his and there was surprise there; she hadn’t believed he would stay. Ellana slowly moved to sit on her knees, Solas followed her lead. They were sitting across from each other, so close their legs were almost touching.

“You’re really here,” Ellana said, her singsong voice slightly unconvinced. Her hand flexed as if she was considering reaching out for him.

Ellana looked around the small space. “Where is Andar?” she asked, there was clear worry in her voice, whether because she cared for him or because she truly feared Solas could’ve done something to him, he couldn’t say. Solas didn’t like the idea of her believing him capable of something like that, just a year ago she had said she didn’t believe him capable, but he couldn’t blame her if she did. He realised his willingness to burn this world away to bring back the world he’d destroyed, was something Ellana could never truly understand. He knew the loss of life was not something she’d accept, but she couldn’t see the people as he did. Yes, she had given him an appreciation of the world and its people, one he was lacking before, but their lives were so short. Just a flicker of light, compared to how it once was. Solas took no joy in the death of any one, but their lives were short. The loss was not as large as his had been. Besides, this was not how it was meant to be.

“Andar is outside the cave, sleeping. I did not harm him.”

Ellana looked surprised. “I didn’t think you would.”

Solas smiled and felt warmed by her trust in him.

Ellana fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. “So, that was…” Ellana’s voice died away before she could finish the sentence.

Solas looked at her long fingers twisting the fabric of her shirt, her delicate little hand betraying her feelings. He realised why she was so uncomfortable. That memory was not one she wanted to relive, he was sure, neither did he. Yet she had come here specifically to find the memory, no doubt because of what he had told her over his own travels in the Fade. Maybe she hoped it would help her make sense of what happened back then, or give her insight into his plans. When Solas had found Ellana already asleep, and decided to try and find her, he had already anticipated which memory he would find. After all that was what he connected this place with now, and he couldn’t imagine it being any different for her. Did she understand it any better now, did it hurt less?

_Tell me you don’t care_ , he’d heard her voice say that to him often over the two year he didn’t see Ellana. He couldn’t, of course, but he couldn’t stay and his selfishness had broken her heart. The brightest spirit he had met since awakening in this age and he had hurt her, cut her so deeply. He had hoped she would move on after he’d left. Find love in the Inquisition like Dorian and the Iron Bull had, but when he had seen her again after those two years she was still alone. And he felt guilty at the joy he felt seeing her.

“I remembered what you told me about the Fade being connected to the location you’re in, and I thought if I came here I might have a chance to find the right memory,” Ellana explained. Solas realised she felt the need to justify her presence, or perhaps she simply wanted to tell him she’d remembered his stories. “I didn’t know whether I would see it, I thought there might be too many other memories here.”

“The veil is thin here,” Solas said. “That makes dreaming here easier. And the memories you find are greatly influenced by what you expect to find.”

“You’re not curious why I was here, why I wanted to see that specific memory?”

“I am, but I don’t think I have the right to ask you that.”

Ellana nodded. “That was yours wasn’t it?” Ellana looked up curiously. “I don’t think it was mine,” she bit her lip, “I’m sorry if that was… intrusive of me.”

Solas was surprised, Ellana was apologizing for viewing the memory. “I hardly think I have the right to be angry with you, simply because you revisited a memory that belongs as much to you as it does to me.”

“But it was yours, not mine.”

“We still share the pain.”

Ellana grimaced as if it actually physically hurt her. She ran a hand through her hair, pushing it back from her face. Her hair was longer than it had been, a single small braid ran through it on the right side of her face.

“What made you tell me about the vallaslin?” Ellana blurted out, her words were rushed and her voice almost died away at the end of the question; clearly she was nervous about asking him this. Or maybe she didn’t want to discuss that night at all. “I mean why risk telling me something that might reveal your identity if you didn’t want to tell me yourself. You planned on telling me something else.”

“Yes,” Solas pursed his lips. “But I think I would always have told you about the true origins of the vallaslin.” Solas looked at Ellana’s clear skin. “Perhaps not that night, but eventually. It’s difficult to see those markings – knowing what they mean – on the skin of someone you –“ Solas stopped himself, “care deeply for.”

“I understand,” Ellana said. “When I saw members of my clan and tried to explain why my vallaslin was gone, they were less than understanding. Even now, when many elves know who you are, many of them still don’t want to believe. It is difficult seeing them, knowing the truth. Even if they don’t mean what they used to.”

“That’s why I wanted to take them away from your skin. I also considered the small chance of you discovering my identity because of my actions that night, but I assumed I was safe as that story is one mostly forgotten.”

After a short silence Ellana said: “If you had told me then, the truth about who you are, would you still have disappeared?”

“After we’d defeated Corypheus?” Solas clarified. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “When I decided to take you there, with the intention of telling you who I was, I thought you would feel so betrayed you wouldn’t stay. I decided against the idea not only because I felt my responsibility towards my people should outweigh any selfish desire on my part, but also because I feared you’d ask me to leave. And if you didn’t, I had no right to place that burden on you.”

“Was there never a moment you considered abandoning your path?”

“I can’t, vhenan.” He sighed. There had been many times Solas had wanted to free himself from this quest, but he realised any reprise would be only temporary. He knew what was coming, and he knew he couldn’t stop it. His means might be horrifying, but he knew the end goal was worth it. Solas was willing to pay the price but he wasn’t willing to sacrifice Ellana. When she had told him she was willing to come with him, back when he took the mark from her, he’d believed her. Solas had of course realised she was hoping to change his mind, or wanted to come simply so he wouldn’t be alone, but even so he couldn’t risk his quest corrupting her as well.

Ellana was studying her hand, clearly avoiding his gaze.

“Is something wrong?”

Ellana scoffed at the absurdity of the question, but when she looked up at him, she looked unsure again. “I just… I don’t understand why so much was missing from your memory of that night? I said more than that, I’m certain, I –“ Ellana took a deep breath and shook her head. “I told you that I loved you, that I wouldn’t give up on you and you’ve forgotten that?” She looked hurt.

“I haven’t, memories aren’t always complete when you retrieve them, if we were to seek out the exact same memory now it would be different, I promise you.” Solas looked at her, he did remember her saying those things, telling him she refused to give up on him. At the time he hadn’t believed her of course, he thought that when she discovered the truth she’d regret her time with him, but she didn’t. And maybe she still refused to give up on him.

Ellana straightened herself and swept her hair behind her shoulder; she was composing herself. “You’re sure Andar is all right?”

“I seem to remember we cleared out the undead here years ago; Crestwood seems relatively safe now,” Solas answered. He wondered whether she was only asking him that to change the subject or because she genuinely was that worried about Andar.

“He gained your trust?” Ellana asked.

Solas felt a sudden heat at the back of his neck at hearing the question. “He… why?”

“Well, you said you followed me because you were worried about me travelling alone with Andar. Has he proven you need not be?”

“Ah, I see,” Solas replied, relief washing over him. “I suppose.”

Ellana smiled. “Well I guess that’s something.” Ellana pushed her hair behind her ear. “I’ll be sure to tell him the Dread Wolf himself approves.”

Solas clenched his jaw and looked away, his eyes came to rest on the new statue of Fen’harel. It was one of a fair few new ones he’d spotted while travelling after Ellana. How he hated those statues, the old ones and the new. He’d rebelled against elves being worshipped as gods, and the statues reminded him of how he’d failed.

“Is something wrong?” It was Ellana’s turn to ask the question, and he did with genuine concern. Solas smiled, he wasn’t used to being asked that. The elves in his cause, even the ones he could almost call friends, were never worried about him, he was too alien to them for that. He was Fen’harel to them, but Ellana still just saw Solas.

Solas started to rise, he reached out his hand to Ellana who took it and they rose to their feet together. Solas held on to her hand, rubbing his thumbs over her fingers, but keeping hi eye locked on hers. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you still care, vhenan” he said to Ellana.

She smiled, “always, I’m afraid.”

Their eyes were still locked on each other. Solas squeezed Ellana’s hand and gently pulled her a little closer. Solas was hardly aware of doing it, Ellana was the only person he’d been truly close to since waking up, and certainly the only one who had become this important to him. Had he been worried? Was that why he’d come here? It was certainly the reason he’d given Ellana and himself for following her and Andar. Solas had also wondered whether Andar would tell Ellana about his relationship to Solas, but that wasn’t the reason he’d followed them. In truth he’d wanted to be close to her again. After seeing her, not in the Fade, but physically with him for the first time in a year, he’d wanted more. He wanted to touch her again, not be so isolated. He wanted to be the Solas he’d been at the Winter Palace again, to dance and pretend the band wasn’t about to stop playing.

Ellana’s bright eyes looked up at him, their strange bright grey tinted with the slightest hint of hazel around the pupil, shining so clear in the night. “Why did you really come?” she asked quietly.

Solas hesitated, paused to compose himself, frame an answer, but he spoke before he intended to. “I just want to look at you,” he breathed. His soft whisper was met with a small gasp from Ellana. Didn’t she expect him to show her affection? He shouldn’t, truly, but as all the times before, when it came to Ellana, Solas wasn’t able to resist. Solas leant his forehead against Ellana’s. He wondered how things would’ve been if he had never raised the veil. Would he still have found her, found her, but not as a mortal, as she was now?

Standing like this, so close to one another, he could hear her slightly hitched breathing, mirroring the feeling in his own chest. Slowly, their movements synchronized, they both lifted their chins, their faces close together, slowly, almost unconsciously, they both moved until their lips met. It was a soft kiss, mouths pressed together in familiarity and a silent, constant longing.

Solas let go of Ellana’s hand so he could bring his hands up and frame her face as he slowly, intently, deepened the kiss. He could feel her fingers trailing down his arm, until her delicate hand was at his waist. As her hand softly tugged at him, she pressed her body against his, heat spreading through his body. Solas broke away for just a moment, just to look at Ellana as she was now, in this moment.

Ellana however was not as patient; she closed the gap between them, her mouth crashing into his, her kiss much more urgent – desperate – now. A small involuntary moan escaped his lips, a deep heat burned through his chest, burning away all thoughts of Elvhenan. Solas hooked both arms around Ellana’s small waist, lifting her slightly as he pulled her tight against his body. Her hand at the nape of his neck, pressing as if trying to deepen the kiss, sent shivers running up and down his spine.

Whether it was the kiss, or the memory he’d just witnessed in the Fade, Solas didn’t know, but he felt as he had that day, when he kissed her, like he could give up all other plans and stay lost in her.

Solas made himself pull back a little, “I am sorry. It seems I have a talent for hurting you.” He looked at her face, the bare skin reminding him of his cowardice. “I regret not telling you the truth, I believed you would leave, but I should not have kept this from you.” Solas took her hand in his. “It would also have meant telling you that the mark that was killing you came from my orb, and I couldn’t know how you would react. Still, I should not have kept the truth from you, even if only by omission.”

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Ellana replied, her expression turning hard, but her smile quickly returned. “But just so you know, if it wasn’t clear before, if you had told me the truth, I wouldn’t have left.”

Solas grabbed her waist, pulling Ellana’s body back against his own, leaning in to kiss her. But Ellana hesitated, her right hand gently removed his hand from her waist. Solas felt stung just a little, until he saw the expression on her face.

Ellana took a few steps back before sitting down on the grass, her right hand gesturing for him to follow. Solas felt a sudden, demanding heat spreading from the middle of his chest throughout the rest of his body. Kneeling down on the grass, moving slowly to meet Ellana; she moved with him, lying back, pulling Solas with her until she was lying on the grass, Solas covering her body with his own. For all his time living with her in the same stronghold, there were things they’d never done. Solas still felt closer to her than anyone else, despite all the secrets or the fact that they were on opposing sides for the moment. Still he felt close to Ellana, so close that sometimes she seemed an actual part of him, impossible to separate from him. Trying to imagine her truly gone from his life seemed impossible, imagining her gone from the world –

Ellana closed the remaining space between them, and in an instant her lips were on his, her hand at the back of his head, sending electricity running through his skin. Her kiss was urgent, desperate as she deepened the kiss. Solas felt everything fall away, every goal, every principle, it all fell away, all that was left was this moment. Ellana’s teeth pulled on his bottom lip before moving along his jawline, toothy kisses tracing to his left ear, teeth pulling at his earlobe. Solas let out a low moan. He returned the gesture, leisurelier, but greedier, nipping at her neck, kissing and biting his way back to her mouth. He wanted to devour her. Ellana’s right hand ran down the length of Solas’ body, he realised she was reaching for the buckles of his armour, but one-handed she couldn’t manage the unfamiliar clasps. Solas leant back, his knees framing Ellana’s hips. Solas unbuckled the largest bulk of his armour, dropping it down on the grass. Ellana propped herself up on her elbow, looking impatient to be closer to him. Solas reached out for her face, cupping it in his hands and giving her a quick, urgent kiss, as he straightened himself again he ran his hands down her body, until resting his fingers on the buckles of her leather vest. Solas looked for Ellana’s eyes, with the slightest nod she let him know she wanted this, and in response he quickly undid the buckles. Ellana obligingly – and quickly – removed the vest. Beneath it she was wearing a pristine white shirt, the sleeves were muddy already, and as Solas ran his hands up her body – moving along the flat plain of her stomach, across the curves of her ribs and the swell of her breasts – his hands left faint traces on the white fabric.

Ellana’s hand reached for him, Solas moved to catch her hand in his, but she instead went for the collar of his tunic and pulled him down against her, he lost his balance and crashed against her, she seemed unperturbed and immediately caught his mouth in a kiss. Ellana broke away, her face still close enough that her lips brushed his skin as she spoke in a husky voice, “I want you to touch me.” Her hand moved between them and she started to undo her shirt. A small moan escaped Solas’ mouth as he thought of what was to come, and his hands eagerly joined her hand in undoing the buttons at the front of her shirt.

Suddenly there was a low hiss, a sound very familiar to Solas, the air seemed to vibrate in the same way it did near lyrium… someone was coming.

“ _Get away from her_ ,” the sneer was almost inaudible, but even in his fevered state Solas picked up on it and recognised who the voice belonged to. _How is he awake already?_

Solas looked at Ellana, clearly she had heard it to because she looked scared almost, and… _ashamed_? Ellana’s right hand tightened on his arm, whether she wanted to keep him close a little longer or wanted protection, he wasn’t sure. Solas got up slowly, pulling Ellana to her feet as well. He kept his back to the voice, shielding Ellana while she quickly got her shirt buttoned up again. When she finished she looked over his shoulder and he could see the recognition in her eyes. “Andar? _Cullen_?”

Solas slowly turned around, Andar was leaning on the shoulder of a very tall human woman, he was clearly still weak from the sleeping spell Solas had cast over him. The commander was there as well, his sword drawn, looking younger than the last time Solas had seem him. The woman he had never seen before. She was wearing parts of a Templar’s armour, and he supposed she had to be one, or a former Templar like the commander, if so she had to have left the order quite recently because there was still that strange vibration of lyrium hanging around her, reminding him of ancient memories.

Andar held on to one of his blades, clearly wanting to strike, but neither he nor the commander acted. Perhaps they were waiting for a signal from Ellana, or perhaps they knew they wouldn’t be able to defeat him.

 

Ellana felt her cheeks flush, even though she was dressed – except for her vest that was still lying on the ground – she felt embarrassed beyond belief. She was thankful that at least Cassandra wasn’t present, but she couldn’t imagine this not coming back to her. After all, it couldn’t be a coincidence that Cullen was here…

“Are you all right, Lavellan?” Cullen asked. Ellana looked at him, he was genuinely concerned but Ellana couldn’t care less right now. “Why are _you_ here?” she demanded. Cullen looked startled at the question. Ellana couldn’t be sure if it was her embarrassment or anger at their interruption that made her word come across so harsh.

“I… well, I…” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. “I wanted to make sure you were all right.”

“So you followed me?” Ellana asked, her voice accusatory.

“No! I mean yes, but only to make sure you were all right.”

“Was this Cassandra’s idea?” Ellana remembered Cassandra’s anger and her friendship with Cullen.

Cullen turned bright red. “Er… yes, but only with the –“

“I don’t care what the intentions behind it were. I am not a child and she is not my keeper, she has no right to have me followed!”

“Lavellan,” Cullen started, but he never finished the thought.

Ellana angrily picked up her vest and put it on. Solas had already put his armour back on and looked patiently at her. Ellana didn’t meet his eyes, angrily she buckled up her vest. Her embarrassment was making her be more angry with Cullen than she should be, and maybe she was just angry because she had proven Cassandra right; there had been a reason to follow her.

Solas moved to help her with her vest, but before he could touch her, Ellana saw the familiar shapes and symbols of an antivan fire potion forming around him, he did as well and pushed her out of the way, as gentle as he could, just before… BOOSH! Bright orangey flames licked around Solas’ legs, but they died down almost immediately without doing any damage.

Ellana had no doubts about the potion’s origins and she turned to face the three new people. “Andar!” Ellana warned. Solas was less forgiving. Just as Ellana looked at Solas, making certain he wasn’t wounded after all, she saw a familiar sight. His eyes glowed, blue eyes turning into lightning. Ellana felt fear cut through her, for a moment she felt she deserved no less than to finally be betrayed by her feelings for him. Her eyes shot towards Andar, Cullen, and the stranger they’d brought. They weren’t stone, as she had feared for a moment, but they were frozen. They looked like the Venatori and demons she’d found in the Western Approach, suspended in time, but she doubted Solas would use a similar spell, this was something she hadn’t seen before.

“What did you do to them?”

“They are unharmed. I promise.”

“But what did you do?”

“It is the simplest way to prevent further conflict without restraining them physically.”

Ellana shook her head.

“What’s wrong?” Solas asked.

“What’s wrong? I just saw you cast a spell I have never seen before, a spell that must take a tremendous amount of energy and you cast it without any effort whatsoever,” Ellana looked at her frozen allies. _Cassandra was right to doubt her._

“I did not mean to upset you, I hoped this would be a safer solution than open conflict.”

Ellana shook her head. “I fooled myself didn’t I?” She met his eyes. “Thinking I understood who you are, an ancient elf – whatever that truly means – but I don’t. You’re as different to me as I am to dwarves it seems.”

Solas’s brow furrowed. “You know me better than anyone else in this world, regardless of whether you know exactly what the differences are between elves from my time or modern elves.”

“I hope that’s true,” Ellana said.

“Your allies will awaken even if I don’t release them myself,” Solas said, clearly trying to appease her.

“Release them now.” Ellana looked defiant, but there was some fear bubbling inside her; she was afraid Solas wouldn’t listen to her, and she didn’t know what that would do to her.

Solas started to protest, but he gave in to her demand nonetheless. Ellana watched as Solas’ eyes lit up again, white lightning veining through blue eyes. And just like that, her friends were free again.

Cullen still held his sword raised in preparation of battle, he looked surprised but collected. The same could not be said of Andar. He pushed away from the woman who was helping him walk and approached Ellana and Solas. His legs still looked wobbly as he made his way towards them. Ellana felt nervous looking at Andar; he was so vulnerable, especially against Solas.

Andar raised the one dagger he was carrying. Ellana glanced at Solas, but he looked calm and she felt a little relieved.

“You’re in love with her!” Andar said accusatory. “That’s why you came to the slaver’s hideout. Not to help any elves there!” Ellana was startled by not only the fact that Andar would say that, but by how he said it. He was so angry, even during the most dire moments of their previous adventure, he’d held onto his calm. Andar raised the dagger, visibly winching at the pain in his shoulder. Ellana had healed it as best she could, but her magic was not specialised in healing and so it was clumsy and incomplete.

“She could change things for our people, and you would stop her!” Andar’s arm shook with the effort of holding the dagger up. Behind him Cullen approached, Ellana guessed it wasn’t because he wanted to attack Solas, but rather wanted to protect Andar. The woman they’d brought unsheathed her sword as well. Ellana felt the tensions rising with every second and regretted asking Solas to release them before he had gone.

“Andar, please,” Ellana reached out for him, but his eyes were fixed on Solas.

“Garas quenathra?” Andar hissed at him. **[“Why have you come?”]**

Ellana struggled to make out the precise meaning, her understanding of Elvish was very limited, Andar on the other hand spoke it with the same ease Solas did, his quick tongue and strange accent making it harder for her to follow him.

“Falon –“ Solas started to say. This phrase she at least understood. **[“Friend –“]**

“Ma’landivalis him banal’ras! Ma banal las halamshir var vhen!” Andar interrupted him, he raised his dagger higher and took another step in Solas direction. **[“My believe in you has turned into shadow! You do nothing to further our people!”]** “ Art u na’din,” Andar hissed. **[“I will kill you,”]**

Ellana only understood the last part, and even though it was a threat levelled at Solas, when she moved to stand in between them, it was Andar she felt needed her protection.

Solas ignored the threat, his voice was calm. “Lethallin, dirthara lath araval ena.” Ellana looked over her shoulder at Solas’ soft expression. ** [“Kinsman, seek truth and the path will emerge.”]** _Lethallin_ , she thought to herself,it was a term only used for those you were familiar with, Solas had only used it for her or Abelas, even if he was trying to appease Andar, why would he –

“Harellan!” Andar interrupted her train of thought. **[“Trickster!”]** Ellana had her hand up, gesturing for Andar to calm down, but he pushed past her, ready to attack.

“Ar’din nuvenin na’din,” Solas’ expression looked pained. **[“I don’t want to kill you.”]**

Ellana grabbed Andar’s arm, wanting to stop him. Andar almost roared as he ripped his arm free from her grip and swung his dagger at Solas. “Halem sahlin,” Solas said, and just like that Andar was frozen again. **[“This ends now.]**

Cullen came rushing forward, his sword at the ready, he was going to attack Solas, even having witnessed his power for himself. Ellana rushed forward to meet him. “Cullen, please, Andar is fine!” Cullen was more receptive to Ellana’s efforts, and reluctantly he stood down. Ellana turned to Solas, she walked over to him. “I think you have to go,” she said, not truly willing to accept that herself. “Release Andar, but only once you leave, please.”

“Of course, vhenan,” Solas said. Then he did something Ellana had not expected, even after what had happened between them this night; Solas took her face in his hands and gave her a long, lingering kiss. When they parted she saw something new in his eyes; something had changed.

Solas straightened himself, and turned to Cullen. “Commander.” Solas bowed his head at Cullen, before turning to Ellana. “Dareth, ma’arlath,” Solas said, looking at Ellana one last time before leaving. **[“Be safe, my love.”]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it all the way through: thanks for the commitment! Quite a long chapter, but I couldn't find a natural break (or decent cliffhanger :P).


	11. Chapter 11

“You had no right to have me followed!” Ellana burst through the door of the small inn. Her face was bright red as she strutted through the busy inn, ignoring the looks she was shot by the patrons. Behind Ellana Cullen was looking uncomfortable, Andar looked exhausted, and Cait still had that strange calm about her.

Cassandra rose from her chair, her demeanour controlled. “I did. And I was right to,” Cassandra replied calmly, “you were with him again. You were with Solas.”

“How do you –“ Ellana started and then – realising the answer to the question she was about to ask – looked over her shoulder at Cullen, his face flushed red and she knew he had sent someone to tell Cassandra in what situation he’d found Ellana. Ellana glared at him and then turned back to Cassandra. “I hadn’t planned that!”

“You never do, but you always seem to find him. And you did not send him away either,” Cassandra said.

“You act as if me seeing Solas is somehow treason.”

Cassandra scoffed, “you think it is not?”

“I’m not divulging our plans to him.”

Behind her, Ellana could hear the others retreat, most likely because they expected a fight between the two women.

“You truly do not see how I might disagree with you meeting with our enemy. It is bad enough to know you are in love with him.”

Ellana felt her cheeks burning. “What does that –“

“It has everything to do with this,” Cassandra interjected, “and I think you know that.” She sighed and walked over to Ellana. “There is something else I must tell you,” Cassandra said, her expression softened a little. “Something I kept from you as I wanted to be certain before informing you.”

“Certain?”

“When we found you and Andar, with the slavers, I had scouts check the surrounding area; I wanted to make sure there weren’t any slavers who’d gone off with other captured elves, there were so many cages there I thought it possible. The scouts did not find any slavers but they did find the bodies of three mages. Three elven mages, by their clothes they seemed to be Dalish, but none of them carried the vallaslin.”

“Solas’ agents we can presume,” Ellana said.

“Yes.” Cassandra looked unsure of herself – something that did not happen often – it only lasted for a moment, but it was enough to unnerve Ellana. “They were all killed by some kind of mgic,” Cassandra continued, “it was brutal; I do not think any mage could have done it.”

 _Except for Solas_ , Cassandra did not say it but Ellana could hear it in her words, the way she looked at Ellana as Cassandra slowly tried to have Ellana see what she believed to be a truth that would cut Ellana deeply. “You despise Solas, of course you would think that,” Ellana replied defensively to the unspoken words.

“I do not _despise_ him, I’m simply not under any illusions as to his true intentions,” Cassandra said defensively. She let out an aggravated breath, “I doubted myself as well, so I contacted Sera.”

“ _Sera_?”

“I knew she could contact Dagna.”

Ellana nodded. “You had Dagna investigate the bodies?”

“Yes, and the surrounding area. She said this was magic much stronger than any she had seen used up close; the only time she had seen anything similar in power was when we brought her one of the Qunari Solas had turned to stone.”

“That still doesn’t prove anything,” Ellana said.

“Perhaps not to you,” Cassandra said. “Think on it at least,” she said, her voice was still gentle, this unnerved Ellana more than anything else, because it showed her Cassandra truly believed that what she was saying was the truth, and she was trying to break the news to Ellana gently. If Solas had killed those mages, he had most likely killed his own agents, and had killed them even though he was far more powerful and could have easily stopped them – and whatever they were doing that angered him – in much kinder ways. “I would not bring you this news, if I did not believe it to be true,” Cassandra said. Looking at Cassandra’s expression now, Ellana felt a little guilty about her hostility towards her friend.

“It isn’t true,” Ellana said, “but I am thankful that you told me of your suspicions – that you feel you can trust me with this information, even if it is about Solas – and I am thankful that you thought to look for other captured elves.” Ellana felt another pang of guilt as she realised she herself had been too consumed with thoughts of Solas to look for other elves herself.

Cassandra gave Ellana a nod and let the matter rest. Ellana turned to look for the three people who had gone off on their own. She found them sitting at the bar, as far away from Ellana and Cassandra as the small inn would allow. Cullen was talking to the woman behind the bar and Cait was staring into a large drink, Andar on the other hand was looking right at Ellana, his expression was intense and curious.

As Ellana walked over to her friends, Cassandra following her, she became aware of the music in the inn, and was surprised to hear a rendition of “Sera was Never,” she looked around the inn and spotted a young bard in the corner, an elven woman. Apparently Maryden’s songs were now an integral part of Feraldan life.

“Lavellan, Cassandra,” Cullen greeted them as he got up to make room for them at the bar. Ellana and Cassandra sat down as Cullen ordered two drinks for them. Cait nodded at Ellana as greeting. Andar was suddenly concentrating on his own drink. Maybe he was still angry about being frozen by Solas; he hadn’t seemed too pleased when he’d been released and on the way here he hadn’t said a word. Cullen had tried to ease the tension a few times with stories about his Templar refuge, but gave up when no one gave a reply longer than one syllable. Cait had been quiet as well, but that just seemed to be her nature.

“Cassandra you already know Gael, but Lavellan let me introduce you,” Cullen gestured at the short woman bringing them their drinks. “This is Gael, she owns this inn. And Gael, this is Ellana Lavellan, the former Inquisitor.”

“Or maybe just Ellana,” Ellana said as she shook Gael’s hand.

“Nice to meet you,” Gael said.

“And this is Andar,” Cullen gestured at Andar, when he didn’t respond Cullen cleared his throat and moved on, “and of course you know Cait.”

Ellana got up from her seat and walked over to Andar, whatever his problem was, she was tired of his behaviour. “What’s wrong?” she asked, leaning on the bar.

Andar shook his head, “nothing,” he took a deep breath, “well something. I did not expect that you and Fen’harel – Solas – were truly...” he sighed. “I had heard the rumours of course, but I suppose I presumed those rumours were just romantic misinterpretations of your relationship. After all I had not seen anything to indicate that – “ he stopped himself.

“ _Seen anything_?” Ellana asked confused.

“In the time I’ve known you,” Andar said. “I never believed it but thought that if there was any truth to it, it had to be back when you were still Inquisitor, not now.”

Ellana felt a herself get a little defensive. “You’re sounding like Cassandra.”

“I am far less serious than she is,” Andar grinned for the first time in days. “But if you mean to say I sound like I don’t understand why you would meet with an enemy – “

“I did not ‘meet’ with him, he followed me!”

“He followed you?” Andar asked surprised.

Ellana bit her lip, she hadn’t meant to reveal that. She hadn’t meant to keep it a secret either. She was so used to lying about the extent of her involvement with Solas it had become a reflex of sorts to lie about it. Ellana wasn’t even sure why she did it.

“Are you sure you’re not just angry because the modern romantic tales about Fen’harel as ‘the saviour of the elven people’ turn out to be more lies?” she asked.

“The two are not mutually exclusive,” Andar said, his voice grim again.

“I’m sorry to interrupt your conversation,” Cait said as she approached the two of them while carrying a drink. “But I have something to ask you, Lavellan.”

“You can call me Ellana, I think I told you that on the way here.”

“Yes,” Cait took a big gulp of her drink. “Thing is, I would like to join your cause,” the words came spilling out in a rush. “I don’t know how you would feel working with a former Templar, being a mage yourself, but I want to help and being here in Crestwood, there’s just not a lot to do and some days I feel like I’m –“

“I’d be happy to have you join me,” Ellana interrupted Cait, not because she was impatient, but because Cait looked like she would continue her rambling until someone stopped her.

“That’s good then,” Cait briefly smiled and then turned to leave, but stopped. “Should I… travel with you? Or…”

“That’ll be fine,” Ellana said, smiling to put Cait more at ease.

Cullen realised what was going on and came over. “Cait is joining you then?”

“You knew?” Ellana asked.

“Naturally, I was the one to suggest she join you.”

“Really?”

“Being in the Inquisition helped me when I was in Lyrium withdrawal; having something to focus on, a true goal, is important.”

“I would’ve joined anyway,” Cait said.

Cait and Cullen went back to sit next to Cassandra and Ellana stayed next to Andar. The bard started another song. Ellana recognised the tune, “Enchanter,” she had heard it often in Skyhold, but when the lyrics started she did not recognise them.

_…. The black wolf followed…_

_…Till she came to a crossroad…_

Ellana strained to hear more, but the words were mostly lost to the noise in the inn. Andar noticed Ellana’s expression and said, “You’ve never heard this before?”

“You _have_?”

“Yes, it is quite popular among elves, I’ve heard it sung among Dalish elves and city elves alike.”

                                 _… He stood poised to attack…_

_…The maiden dropped to her knees…_

“How long have they been singing this?” Ellana asked.

“I have no idea,” Andar said, “for all I know it is a very old song that just got popular again. I actually thought it had gained popularity again because of the rumours about Fen’harel.”

“Maybe,” Ellana said as she got up from her stool and walked over to the bard to hear the song more clearly.

_But in the land of dreams_

_The wolf can be tamed it seems_

_Together they will run_

_Can you see them pass the moon_

_The wolf and the maiden_

_Ran away together_

_Because in the land of dreams_

_The wolf can change its nature_

The bard stopped and looked at Ellana, Ellana took the opportunity to ask, “What is this song called?”

“The Wolf and the Maiden,” the bard answered. _Of course it is_ , Ellana thought to herself, feeling strangely exposed all of the sudden.

“Where did you learn to sing it?”

The bard looked uncomfortable, Ellana first took it to be a sign that she knew something, but then realised that with the way the world was treating elves these days, you could hardly blame the woman for being suspicious about being questioned. “I’m just curious to know where it came from,” Ellana added with a smile.

“I’m not sure, I’ve just been hearing it a lot lately and eventually I found the lyrics and decided to add it to my performance.”

Ellana nodded. “Thanks anyway,” she said and turned to leave.

“Are you the Inquisitor?” the bard asked as Ellana turned her back to her.

“No, I was, but that’s not my title anymore,” Ellana said as she turned back to face the bard.

The woman nodded. “I know, I just didn’t know what else to call you… And I’ve heard you’re still recruiting.”

“Not for an Inquisition.”

“I know,” the woman said. “We’ve all heard the stories. My clan, and the elves in the city.”

“You’re a Dalish elf who visits city elves?” Ellana asked surprised.

The woman shook her head. “No, I… I don’t have a clan anymore. And I couldn’t find any other that would take me in.”

“I’m so sorry,” Ellana said. She thought back to how close she had come to losing her own clan back in the days of the Inquisition. Now they were relatively safe, but she still felt guilty for not being there with them.

“You want to help elves, don’t you? Stop what’s happening to us?”

Ellana bit her lip, she wanted to help elves, but truly her goal was much bigger and saying she had started this to help elves would be lying. “I do want that, but my cause… it’s much bigger, I can’t explain it without sounding…” Ellana’s voice died away as she realised just how strange her goals really were.

“But you want to make the world better?” the bard asked.

“In the most simple of terms, yes,” Ellana answered, the parallels between her answer and what Solas would answer to the same question were not lost on her.

“Then I’d like to help, if you’ll let me join you.”

Ellana looked at the young woman, she was looking at Ellana with such hope and it made Ellana more aware of the burden she’d taken upon herself. _Make the world a better place_ , it wasn’t just similar to what Solas would say, it was exactly what he would answer if you asked him for his goals. How could Ellana be so certain she wasn’t leading all of them into the same kind of trap he’d fallen into? How different were they really?

“I don’t just sing, I’m very good with a bow,” the woman said, “I was one of the hunters for my clan.”

“I am willing to have you join us, of course, but I want you to realise that it is dangerous and I can’t promise you that we’ll succeed. If I’m being honest with you, our plans are very vague right now.”

“I understand and I still want to come.”

“And there’s something else, we’re heading to Tevinter.”

The woman was clearly shocked; even before all this Tevinter was the last place elves would want to find themselves. Ellana didn’t know much about Tevinter culture – only what she had learned from Dorian – but she knew enough to feel it only right to warn any elf travelling with her of the possible danger.

“I still want to come.”

Ellana was impressed. “Well, if you’re sure,” she offered the woman her hand.

The woman took it, “Thank you! My name is Lithal, by the way.”

“Welcome to our little band of travellers Lithal, my name is Ellana.”

Andar came over as well. “Are you recruiting?” his tone was less than friendly.

“No, I volunteered,” Lithal said defensively.

“This is Lithal, Lithal this is Andar,” Ellana said before Andar could reply.

They shook hands but neither seemed too happy about it.

“So, are you a city elf?” Lithal asked, her tone was a little apprehensive.

“No. Did you assume that just because I have no vallaslin? Ellana doesn’t have any either and –“

“I was asking,” Lithal cut him off, “I wasn’t assuming anything.”

“Fine,” Andar crossed his arms.

Ellana didn’t understand what was happening, Andar had always been upbeat and kind and now… was it still the revelation that Fen’harel was in fact not working for the betterment of the elven people? She led Andar away and told Lithal to collect her things and meet them at the inn. Cullen had convinced Gael to give them free rooms, (Ellana felt grateful to not sleep in the small tent they had brought), and they would be staying the night.

As Ellana was leading Andar back to the bar she overheard two elves discussing the song the bard had been singing. “What do you think it is about?” a young elven woman said.

“A wolf hunting a girl, clearly,” the elven man next to her said. Ellana paused.

“No, it’s a love story.”

“No it’s not, she goes into the forest because she wants to and the wolf wants to attack her! That’s what the whole line about the path is about.”

“You mean “can anyone tell me, how can you save the one, who willingly walks this path.””

“Exactly it is about how you can stop someone from making bad decisions like walking into a forest with a giant wolf lurking about.”

“I don’t think the line is about that,” the woman said.

“What else could it be about?”

“I don’t know, but I still like the song, and I still say it’s about love.”

“Of course you do,” the man said, “you want it to be a love story.”

“It _is_ a love story,” the woman said, “it’s the story of Fen’harel and his lover.”

Ellana was more surprised than she should be.

“Even if that were true, how is the story of a trickster god and the woman he’s about to attack romantic?”

“He’s not –“ the woman stopped herself and shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She seemed to relax only after looking around her and seeing Ellana – another elf – was the only one near them. “We know he isn’t _that_ ,” the woman said, her voice low.

“We don’t know anything about the real Fen’harel, just that elf who is calling himself that,” the man countered.

“Then how do you explain how he is able to free all those slaves?”

“We could do that as well if we had an army of gullible elves following us.”

“Hmm,” the woman said as she turned her attention to her drink, Ellana was under the impression the woman was insulted by the man’s refusal to accept Solas’ identity.

From the corner of her eye, Ellana saw something move. “Are you coming?” Cullen was waving Ellana over. “We’re starting a game of Wicked Grace.”

Ellana laughed. “You sure about that commander?”

Cullen blushed, “I am, however I have declined to invite Josephine.”

Ellana laughed again. “Well if you’re willing to brave it, who am I to refuse.”

 

Andar was lying on the bed. They’d all gotten private rooms and it felt strange to sleep in a house, and to sleep alone. It would only be for one night, as tomorrow they would ride out to meet the rest of group travelling to Tevinter. When he was still with Fen’harel he had shared a large tent with three other people, and theirs had been one of the less crowded tents. At the time he had been so happy to be there and… proud.

Andar had always been taught to take pride in his heritage and that the Dalish were preserving what it truly meant to be elves, so when Fen’harel, an actual god, started to appear in rumours he couldn’t help but be curious. Discovering the truth about Fen’harel, how he wasn’t a trickster, but had rebelled against the oppression of elves, had made Andar determined to help Fen’harel in his goals of restoring Elvehnan. But now, now he could not look back at that time with anything else than shame and anger. Fen’harel had never wanted to help the elves. Andar felt as betrayed as when he found out what the vallaslin really meant. He now regretted having let Fen’harel take the vallaslin from him, the reasons he had were still valid, but they were now clouded by how angry Andar felt that he had let Fen’harel do something so personal to him.

And now there was Lithal, another elf volunteering to join. Andar couldn’t tell Ellana why she should distrust Lithal; Ellana wouldn’t believe him unless he told her honestly what his own quest had been. Surely Ellana was aware that Fen’harel had agents all around, surely she knew she couldn’t trust just anyone she came upon? But she had treated him with such kindness and trust, so soon after meeting him, Andar feared Ellana was too trusting.

Andar wasn’t sure how he could discover whether Lithal was part of Fen’harel’s group. She did still have the vallaslin, but perhaps Fen’harel had done that on purpose. Maybe if she did turn out to be on Fen’harel’s side, she would come to see the truth and join them and maybe she knew things about Fen’harel’s plans. Well, that seemed unlikely, because Andar had been the closest to Fen’harel, and even he only knew vague things. Proven by how blindsided Andar was when he discovered Fen’harel’s relationship with Ellana. What he had seen between them, well, at least it explained why Fen’harel had shown up when Andar and Ellana had been in danger.

Andar thought back to things Fen’harel had said to him when he was still working for him, things he had said not to explain his plans, but in conversations that Andar had remembered. Something big was coming, something Fen’harel saw as inevitable and threatening to the whole world. He wished he could discuss these things with Ellana, she might know more or have some vague memories of her own that they could puzzle together. But he had no way to ask her about it without revealing his relation to Fen’harel.

_But in the land of dreams_

_The wolf can be tamed it seems_

That ridiculous song was stuck in his head. “The Wolf and the Maiden,” Andar scoffed. He had heard the song before, and had always assumed it was based off some tale to warn children not to run into the woods, no matter how tempting, but he’d never paid attention to the lyrics it seemed.

_The wolf and the maiden_

_Ran away together_

_Because in the land of dreams_

_The wolf can change its nature_

Was it about Fen’harel and Ellana? After what he had seen… clearly she cared for him and he had to feel for her too, why else risk exposing himself like that? In the time Andar had worked for Fen’harel, nothing had given him the impression that he had any family or friends, beyond the people who worked for him. There had of course been standing orders not to engage in combat with Ellana directly, but Andar had assumed that was for their own protection – after all the former Inquisitor was rumoured to be a very powerful mage – but now...

Andar did still believe Ellana truly wanted to help the elven people, but he felt less sure about her ability to do that, now he had seen her interact with Fen’harel himself. If Andar had to fight someone he loved, he wouldn’t be able to do it, and he couldn’t imagine Ellana being more capable of it.

 

He did not meet her every night. Sometimes he just dreamt, like he presumed the people of this age dreamt. Solas remembered the first time Ellana had come to him when they were both dreaming. He had been impressed; he had not thought to see any of the people he had met since waking capable of that. Perhaps if he found a talented mage he could teach them, but Ellana had figured it out on her own. True, she might have been helped by the weakened veil, or his mark, but even then it was a feat worthy of admiration.

Of course the fact that she had been able to find him had meant she intended to, she had _wanted_ to find him. They had spoken often before but Solas had presumed her interest was just in the knowledge he offered the Inquisition, even as his interest in her had grown. He had told himself it was simply because she was a mystery; she had survived where no other would have and she was able to control the anchor when she should not be able to. It wasn’t his guidance that had given Ellana that power, it was her own will and gifts.

When Solas had given his interest in her away, the first time they met in the Fade, Ellana had responded with admitting her own. She had kissed him, and he – despite himself – had kissed her back. In truth he had thought of kissing her often, but had focused on his goals. But Ellana had the maddening ability to break his focus. Spending time close to her made him want to forgo all other plans, each and every time.

Leaving Ellana had been easier when Solas convinced himself she could never accept the truth of who he was. She was Dalish after all, and he had heard the stories the Dalish told of him. However Ellana had accepted him; even as he told her he was her people’s great adversary, she still offered him her love. Perhaps Solas could tell Ellana the truth of what was to come. Perhaps she could surprise him again, see a way through this coming war.

Solas looked up at the night sky, it looked so different than it had in his time. Everything looked so different. Worse. And he had done this to the world. He had no right to wish to be free of the burden he carried, but he did.


	12. Chapter 12

  
It was late, and Ellana had retired to her room. Cassandra had still been sitting at the bar, but Ellana didn’t feel comfortable being around Cassandra right now; not because she was angry with her, but rather because Ellana realised Cassandra was right. Cassandra had never been afraid to tell Ellana when she thought she was making mistakes, and while Ellana wasn’t always happy to hear the critique, she knew she needed it and it had made her the leader the Inquisition needed.

There was a knock on the door, quickly followed by, “Inquisitor, are you awake?”

“It isn’t –“ Ellana started but thought better of it, “come in, Cassandra.”

Cassandra seemed cautious as she entered the room, carrying a staff. Ellana didn’t recognise it, and judging by the faint scent that spread through the room, this staff had been recently varnished. Still, it felt old, in a way Ellana couldn’t explain.

“I had no idea you were looking for a new staff,” Ellana quipped.

“Hilarious as always I see,” Cassandra said, but a small smile appeared on her face. “It’s for you actually,” she said.

“For me? You got me a staff?” Ellana felt guilty; how bad had Cassandra felt if she thought she needed to make up for it by getting Ellana a new staff.

“No, not from me,” Cassandra said as she handed Ellana a note. “It was left with Gael for us by an elf, this note came with it.”

Ellana took the note and as she read it she understood why Cassandra had assumed the staff was a gift for her; all it said was: “Ara las ma bellanaris, vhenan.”

“That’s what he calls you, is it not?” Cassandra asked.

“Yes,” Ellana said, realising Cassandra had recognised the elven word for heart even in its written form, although the fact that the note was written in elvish must have already told her the note was for Ellana.

Cassandra laid the staff down on the small desk in the corner of the room. Only now did Ellana realise the staff was different, shorter than usual staffs but longer than her own staff – the one Dagna had built for her so she could wield it one handed with no problems. Ellana gently touched the intricate carvings that covered the staff, the top part was carved from a different kind of wood then the rest of the staff, it was lighter, almost golden, and it had been carved in the shape of a halla.

“Hanal’ghilan,” Ellana said under her breath.

Cassandra caught it, “what does that mean?”

“ _Pathfinder_ , it is a Dalish myth, a golden halla who comes to the people in a time of great need.”

“It is very beautiful,” Cassandra said.

“It is.”

“Do you have any idea why Solas would send it to you?”

Ellana wondered whether Cassandra was asking because she was just curious, or if she was also worried that this would somehow grant Solas influence over Ellana. “Your people called me the Herald of Andraste,” Ellana said, “but the Dalish – once my influence grew and I started using it to help the elves as much as I could – called me Hanal’ghilan.”

“Oh,” Cassandra replied, clearly recognising the weight of such a title. “I suppose you think it strange, but I assumed everyone called you the Herald of Andraste.”

“Many did, even elves, but not because they believed, most used it as a title separate from its religious meaning, others said it derisively, indicating they thought I had abandoned the people.”

“I see.”

Ellana lifted the staff, it was much lighter than most staffs, it had to be the wood it was made of but Ellana could not recognise it. It was also balanced in such a way she could wield it with no effort, and as much power as she could normal staffs before.

“You think he had this made to apologize for the loss of your arm?” Cassandra asked.

“It would be a very belated apology then,” Ellana scoffed. “No, I don’t think so. This staff is much older than that, I suspect much older than I am.”

“How do you know that?”

“I can… _feel_ it. I can’t explain,” Ellana said, “Sera would feel it as well, but I doubt she would be able to explain it,” Ellana laughed, “if she had been willing to try that is.”

Cassandra turned to leave, but suddenly spun back around to face Ellana. “What did the note say?” Cassandra asked, the rush of the words made it clear she had been restraining herself.

“It is a promise, I think,” was all Ellana said in reply. She put the staff down and turned to Cassandra, “I think I will go to bed now.”

“Of course,” Cassandra said, clearly unhappy with Ellana’s refusal to answer the question. Cassandra left the room and Ellana quickly undressed and crawled under the blankets. Soon she was drifting into dreams pretending she didn’t hope to meet Solas there.

 

“Vhenan,” Solas’ voice came from behind Ellana. She turned around and could see Solas, just a few feet away from her, approaching her. Ellana was surprised, so used to the distance between them she had to take a moment to realise he was walking towards her, closing the distance between them.

“Solas?” Ellana greeted him, her voice unsure; he was now close enough to touch.

Solas smiled at her, a small smile, but she was surprised to see it. “You are well?”

“I… yes. Are you?”

Solas chuckled a little. “I am.”

Ellana took a deep breath. “That’s good then.” She suddenly felt uneasy with how close Solas was standing to her. Not because she didn’t want him close to her, but because she wasn’t sure what to expect. “Is there something… ah.”

“What?” Solas asked curiously.

“It’s just, you seem… I’m not sure.”

Solas smiled again but didn’t speak.

“Thank you for the staff,” Ellana said, thankful to have something to fill the silence with.

“It seemed an appropriate gift.”

“Where did you get it?”

“I recovered it recently. It was built to be wielded one handed; I thought you could put it to good use,” Solas said. He looked at Ellana and smiled, “and I thought the imagery fitting.”

“It is a very beautiful staff, thank you,” Ellana said.

“I am sure you will use it well.”

“I hope I will.”

“I am certain of it; you never stop surprising me,” Solas said.

“I surprised you?”

“Many times,” Solas said. “You command loyalty so easily,” he added after a pause, Ellana looked at him in confusion and so he continued, “the young elf who was with you when the slavers took you, he has joined your cause has he not?”

“He has. Were you hoping to gain him for your own cause?”

Solas chuckled, then grew quiet before asking: “Shall I tell you how we met?”

“You and Andar?” she asked surprised.

“You and me, how we first met.”

Ellana frowned at him; she knew how they had met, but Solas wouldn’t be saying this if she was remembering it right.

“Varric told you I kept you alive after the explosion at the conclave?”

“Yes,” Ellana said, eying Solas with suspicion. “ _You_ told me the same story.”

“It is true, I did,” Solas smiled briefly but then the expression on his face grew more grim. “However, I wasn’t strong enough to remove it, I did manage to stabilize the anchor, at least for a time, but you still wouldn’t wake up. To be honest I did not believe you would. I suspected your spirit had been pulled back into the fade, that only your physical form had truly returned. I had no other ideas so I tried to find you in the Fade.”

“I was still in the Fade?”

“Yes, or at least your spirit was, but you seemed unaware and so you could not return.”

“But you found me,” Ellana said.

“That is how we first met,” Solas smiled at the memory. “I found you trapped in what looked like the camp of a Dalish Clan. I presumed your own. You were trapped because you believed you were helping people – I found you healing wounded elves – you were trapped by your own compassion,” Solas smiled warmly as if Ellana had just done something worthy of praise. “It was that display that made me believe you could help me stop Corypheus.”

Ellana remained quiet, unsure of what Solas expected from her.

“This world is severely lacking in compassion, finding it so strongly present in you was… surprising.”

Ellana looked at Solas, why was he telling her this now?

“What I’m saying,” Solas started after seeing Ellana didn’t get his meaning, “is that finding you there, like that, seeing what kept you there, it gave me hope, something I had not felt since waking.”

Ellana felt slightly uneasy under Solas’ intense gaze; it was the same way he had looked at her all those years ago in Crestwood. Solas reached out, long fingers running along her jawline before he lifted her chin and leant in to kiss her.

“I have to ask you something,” the words came rushing out before she could stop herself. Solas’ hand dropped away from her face, he looked at her inquisitively, and slightly apprehensive. Ellana regretted saying anything. Cassandra had to be wrong, and asking him this, now, would only ruin whatever progress she had made. But Solas was looking at her, waiting for what she had wanted to ask, and Ellana realised this had to be how Solas had felt back in Crestwood.

As her mind raced to find something to ask, something that would seem fitting, Ellana realised there was something else she wanted to know, but she doubted Solas would answer. “What did you mean you can’t stop it?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Back in Crestwood, in the memories, I heard you say – or think – that you can’t stop what’s coming.”

“Ah,” Solas said, he clenched his hands behind his back. “I cannot answer that question, vhenan.”

“Because that would tell me too much about your plans?”

“It could.”

Ellana nodded. “Is it the reason you raised the veil?” she looked at Solas’ face, tried to read the small changes in his expression. “Or is the inevitable event, the veil coming down?” Solas’ expression remained the same. “Is it something to do with red lyrium?” Ellana pushed. Solas’ expression hardened. Did that mean she was right, or close at least? Solas didn’t respond, but he didn’t shut the conversation off completely either. “It was everywhere in the future,” Ellana went on, “the one I saw in Redcliffe, the one we stopped.” _The one you died to stop_ , she thought to herself. “You, the you in that future, said that the veil was gone there, the breach had destroyed it completely.” Solas still didn’t respond, he didn’t even look at her. “Is that the future you want?” Ellana asked.

Solas finally looked at her. “Of course not.”

“But that is what a world where the Fade is part of the waking world would look like, _you_ were the one to tell me that.”

“It is what it can look like, yes,” Solas answered. Ellana had told him of what she had seen in the future, back in Haven, because he had been one of the few people who seemed to understand what had happened.

Ellana studied Solas’ face. “You mean to say the veil could be pulled down and the world wouldn’t look like that? How?”

“Corypheus didn’t want to reshape the world, he wanted to become a god, but he had no idea how to tear down the veil without destroying the world beyond repair.”

“ _Reshape the world_?” Ellana asked, “you mean someone powerful enough could reshape the world if the veil was torn down?” she thought back to everything Solas’ had told her about the Fade, before she had realised how important it all would be. Somewhere in the back of her mind she heard the echo of something he had told her when they had entered the Fade itself: Solas had told her that in the Fade intention mattered, intention shaped the Fade, and the smaller fears had shaped themselves to the deepest fears of each of them… did that mean that once the veil was torn down, intention could shape the world?

Solas clenched his jaw and Ellana felt she was close now, close to some deeper understanding of his plans, but would help her stop them? “Is that how you were able to raise the veil in the first place?” Ellana asked, her words rushed as she tried to keep up with her thoughts. “And that’s what you used the orb for? It wasn’t just to tear the veil down, it’s how you raised it as well! You said they were used to channel the power of the elven gods, you meant channel… _intention_? _Willpower_? That’s why I could use the mark to close the rifts, because of my intention, because I wanted to help?”

“Well done,” Solas replied.

She wasn’t sure if he meant she was right, or was simply recognising her effort. “And could you reshaping the world stop the red lyrium from spreading, as it had in Redcliffe?” Ellana asked.

Solas was aware of her scrutiny now and he showed no change in his expression that could give away what the answer was. “Or is red lyrium what you can’t stop?” Ellana pushed. Solas backed away a little as if afraid his body language would give him away. At first it seemed like Ellana had guessed right, but she felt there had to be more to it. After all, red lyrium seemed to be more present everywhere the Fade had touched, not just that dark future, but at the temple of sacred ashes as well and the red Templars were infected by Corypheus. Had he managed to take it from the Fade? Or…

“I would tell you if I could, vhenan,” Solas interrupted her thoughts. “But I fear you want me to tell you I am tearing down the veil to save this world, I am not, I want to restore what I destroyed, which means destroying what has been built in its place.”

Ellana sighed. Maybe Solas was right, maybe she was desperately trying to find something that would make his goals seem more noble. Still, she hadn’t imagined the thoughts she had heard in the Fade, there was something he couldn’t stop, something that was coming regardless of whether the veil was here or gone.

“I wish you would trust me,” Ellana said. “I want to help you.”

A bitter laugh was followed by, “I think you want to save me.”

“Is there a difference?”

“No,” Solas smiled, “but the only way out for me is to repair what I have destroyed.”

“Then let me help you with that,” Ellana approached Solas, but he was backing away from her and she feared she had lost the little ground she had gained.

“The price would be too high, vhenan.”

“Not if it would mean –“

“You do not know what you are asking,” Solas stopped her, “I do trust you, but I don’t want to see you sacrifice yourself. I value your spirit too highly to risk it being corrupted,” he looked at her, “Ar lath ma, ir tel'ena mar din.” **“I love you, I am not leading you to your death.”**

Ellana shook her head, “but you would risk yourself?” She took another step towards Solas and this time he didn’t move away. “I know where my priorities should lie – what people have put their trust in me for – and they do…” Ellana sighed.

Solas reached out and briefly touched her arm, as if to say he understood, even if she had not spoken the words. Ellana looked down at Solas’ face. “It’s strange how I can always tell whether it’s you, or whether I am just dreaming about you.”

“I’m sorry?” Solas asked, looking at her curiously.

Ellana blushed; she hadn’t thought of what it would sound like. “I just meant it’s strange how I can distinguish between this, and just dreaming.”

“The difference between the two is not as great as you might imagine,” Solas said, then after a pause, “you dream about me?” he asked a little mischievously.

Ellana sighed. “Yes,” she answered a little reluctantly. A small smile appeared on Solas’ face. Ellana hesitated, but went on, “Usually when I dream about you we’re at the Winter Palace, at the end of the night.” Ellana looked at Solas and could see he realised what she meant. “I think because that was the only time it truly felt carefree between the two of us. The only time you weren’t telling me we shouldn’t be together, or telling me you were leaving. You just told me to focus on what was in front of me, and whether you meant it or not, _you_ were what was in front of me. I remember dancing with you and feeling so… free.”

“I remember,” Solas said, he looked at her and she could see a smile spread on his face before his hand reached for hers. And suddenly there was an arm around her waist and she was spun around the forest floor. Ellana laughed and wondered whether he was only doing this for her benefit. They danced, sunlight falling through the leaves, flickering across their faces as Solas led her. At the back of Ellana’s mind there was a small voice telling her she still hadn’t asked Solas about Cassandra’s accusations, but she pushed it from her mind. For now she was content just as they –

Ellana jolted awake; someone was shaking her. Cassandra. “What?” Ellana asked. “What?” She repeated as she pushed Cassandra’s hands away as she moved to sit upright in bed. What was the point of getting a private room when anyone could apparently enter it at their own discretion?

Cassandra looked a little huffed, “it’s this thing,” she handed Ellana a crystal. Cassandra had never gotten used to the sending crystal, neither had Ellana truly, but Cassandra was a little suspicious of the crystal, believing it could easily be tempered with or used to trick them.

“Thank you,” Ellana said, still feeling irritated at the interruption.

Cassandra left the room and Ellana lifted the crystal closer to her face. “Dorian?” Ellana asked as unsure as the first time she had used the crystal.

Dorian’s warm reply came quickly, “Ellana! Wonderful to hear your voice!”

“And yours,” Ellana turned the crystal over in her hand. “Now just to find a way to see your face _with_ the voice.”

Dorian laughed. “You’re still not used to it are you?”

“It is a bit strange, talking into an object and hearing a reply come back to you.”

“Now if I could only find more of these, enchant them with my voice and sell them; I’d make a fortune!” Dorian said.

“I think you’re wealthy enough already,” Ellana said.

“At the rate we’re buying slaves to be freed, that might very well change.”

“Truly?”

“No, not at all,” Dorian said and Ellana could hear the smile in his voice.

“So why did you… er, ask for me?” Ellana said, eyeing the crystal.

“Ah yes, straight to business, you’re always so serious,” Dorian said. “Leliana sent word that you are heading for Tevinter soon.”

“Today actually, it’ll be a good while before we reach the border of course, we’re in Crestwood at the moment.”

“Crestwood? Why would you want to be in that dreary place? Never mind! At any rate, I wanted to make sure you know what to expect.”

“In Tevinter? Well you’ve told me some things.”

“Yes, but I mean you specifically, as an elf.”

“Oh,” Ellana understood what he meant, “I know it isn’t the best place for elves, but surely not all elves are slaves there, I wouldn’t stand out too much I think?”

“No, not all elves,” Dorian said, followed by a worrying pause. “But those who aren’t – well let’s just say I wasn’t surprised by the mistreatment of elves in the south.”

“And it’s worse now because of Solas,” Ellana added.

“That and the strain of the renewed tensions between Tevinter and the Qunari; you would think after this many years the imperium would have gotten used to it.”

“So what did you feel you needed to warn me about?”

Dorian took a deep breath. “Just be careful, maybe hide what you are whenever possible.”

Ellana laughed. “You’re worried about me!”

“Of course I am!” Dorian’s reply sounded a little heated. “You are my dearest friend and I would not want to see any harm come to you. I love my homeland, but it is a dangerous place, especially for elves. I have never been more aware of that fact than since I met you.”

Ellana felt touched by his concern. “Thank you Dorian, but you know I can’t avoid coming to Tevinter any longer.”

Dorian sighed. “I know. Just be careful my friend.”

“I will be, and if I get into trouble I can always contact Bull for help, I hear the Chargers tend to stay close to the border with Tevinter these days,” Ellana teased.

She could almost picture Dorian’s disgruntled look. “Very amusing, Lavellan.”

“I think it’s quite romantic actually.”

“Speaking of romance,” Dorian said, changing the subject, “how do you stand on romance? Leliana tells me a new recruit has joined you, apparently he saved your life.”

Ellana let out an aggravated breath. “Unlike what Sera might have told you, the elf does not always take the elf.”

“I was only teasing,” Dorian said conciliatory, “but maybe you should consider it, it might be healthy… moving on.”

“Probably, but I can’t just change how I feel, you should understand that.”

“I do, but I would like to see you be happy as well.”

“I won’t give up on him, Dorian.”

“I understand,” he said.

Ellana believed him, she had confided in Dorian from the start, perhaps they had become close friends because both of them were so misplaced, taken from very different kind of lives before being thrown into the Inquisition: Ellana had felt alien because she was Dalish, and Dorian because he was Tevinter. Ellana wished she could see Dorian, rather than just talk to this pretty rock. But it was such a comfort to hear his voice and she wanted to be honest with him.

“Dorian,” she started, her voice soft and unsure, “there’s something I want to tell you, but you won’t like it.”

“I don’t know, I like a great many things.”

“Dorian,” Ellana pleaded.

“All right, I am listening.”

“It’s about Solas,” Ellana said.

“Many things are these days,” Dorian quipped.

“Do you remember how I told you about the first time I kissed him?”

“Ah yes, your naughty little dream, most people just enter the Fade and end up tempted by a demon, you took it a step further.”

“Well, that’s not the only time I’ve seen him in the Fade, in dreaming.”

The crystal went quiet for a little while. “You mean you have _visited_ him in the Fade?” Dorian asked.

“Many times.”

“ _Many times_? Recently?”

“Yes.”

“I take it you’re not telling me this because you’ve stopped this practice?”

“No, I… just wanted someone to know, it’s… it’s been hard. It started after I found out who Solas was… or is, and I know I shouldn’t, but I –“

“But you’re in love with him,” Dorian said.

“Yes, still.”

“I understand,” Dorian answered, “but it seems –“

“I know,” Ellana stopped him, “I know it looks like I’m betraying my own cause.”

“I was going to say it seems like you’re hurting yourself unnecessarily.”

“Oh,” Ellana said, “that might be true, but what better chance do I have to change his mind?”

“I take it the others don’t know this?” Dorian asked.

“No, I can’t tell them, I have kept this a secret for too long, I can’t tell them now.”

“You told me,” Dorian reminded her, “they might understand.”

“You are too far away to really get angry with me,” Ellana countered, “besides, do you think Cassandra would understand?”

Dorian laughed a little. “No, probably not.”

“But I didn’t tell you this because I felt like confessing,” Ellana said, “there’s something I want to discuss. I spoke to him this night, to Solas, and he said something.”

“Something you can use?”

“Maybe, I tried to discover new information by seeking out memories in the Fade and I found something. Something is coming, something Solas thinks he can’t stop and something that is inevitable. And judging by his reactions tonight, I think it has to do with red lyrium, I just don’t know how yet.”

“Red lyrium?”

“Yes, you remember the future in Redcliffe, the one we stopped? That was the world without the veil and there was red lyrium everywhere.”

“I remember,” Dorian said, his tone a little dark.

“It had spread everywhere like an infection. And if lyrium is the blood of Titans and red lyrium is lyrium infected with something… I just feel there’s an answer here that I’m missing.”

“Red lyrium is infected with the blight, right? That is what Varric’s dwarven lady friend told us, is it not?”

“Yes,” Ellana said, she hadn’t remembered Bianca’s research until now.

“In a future where the veil is torn down, apparently there is an abundance of lyrium and blight, or at least lyrium infected with the blight,” Dorian said.

“And red lyrium can create more red lyrium, it was growing out of people, not all lyrium needs to be infected with the blight, it just has to start somewhere,” Ellana said.

“What could mean the veil is somehow preventing it from spreading,” Dorian said.

“And where it is gone or weak, it can spread. Just like in Redcliffe and just like at the temple of sacred ashes!”

“You think that could be it?” Dorian asked, tension in his voice.

“I think we don’t have all the pieces yet, but this is something, and that’s more than I had yesterday.”

“You just needed some inspiration, namely me,” Dorian said.

Ellana laughed. “I should go, Cassandra is probably readying the horses as we speak.”

“She is a tenacious woman,” Dorian said.

“That’s why we love her.”

“Well, you might be riding into a place that wants to kill you or enslave you, but at least you will have the consolation of seeing me in person again,” Dorian said.

“It will be a nice change from speaking to this rock.”

“Let me know when you’re close to the border,” Dorian said.

“I will,” Ellana said. They said their goodbyes and Ellana put the crystal away. She got dressed and packed up the few belongings she had lying around the room. She was eager to see the others and discuss what she had just realised. Ellana would have to lie a little, to not reveal where she had gotten the insight, but she felt they were starting, finally, to see what they were fighting.

Ellana laid down on the bed, her packed bag next to her on the floor. The note and the staff Solas had sent were still on the small desk. Ellana got up to put the note away in her bag, but thought better of it and instead she folded it and tugged it away in her vest. _Ara lasa ma bellanaris, vhenan_ , she repeated the words in her mind. She understood their meaning – her Elvish had somewhat improved in the last year and Andar had helped her these past couple of weeks – though Ellana still felt she might be missing some of the meaning.

Elvish was notorious for its multiple meanings and those were worse in written Elvish, not only because besides the clan’s Keeper, not many elves could read Elvish all that well, but also because the tone of the speaker could easily be lost and so much of the meaning was dependent on that. The matter was further convoluted by the fact that Solas spoke a purer form of Elvish than any elves alive today, even the clans Ellana knew of who spoke in Elvish exclusively had to be so far removed from the original, that some subtle meanings were be lost on them. But Solas had written this note for her, he would’ve tried to make it so she could understand its meaning.

Still, it was a strange thing to put in the note. Maybe Ellana was reading it wrong, maybe bellanaris was simply the name of the staff – some staffs were named after all. If it wasn’t a name, and it meant exactly what was written on the paper, Ellana did not understand what Solas meant by it, it was such a strange thing to say, to promise: _I will give you eternity_.

 

He saw them every day: Elves, silently moving through the night, having found the courage to slip away, escape their masters. Often they were led by elves with bare foreheads, elves who did not move like city elves, or Tevinter slaves, but who no longer carried the markings of Dalish elves. He observed their meetings with some curiosity; he felt glad at the sight of so many elves being freed, either from slavery or the repressive regime of the imperium, but something didn’t sit well with him.

Sometimes the bare elves would ask him to join, but he always turned them down. He didn’t want to belong to any group anymore. He had tried that and it had cost him his heart. He had fought a battle that seemed unwinnable, for people he hated, and won. Only to lose the one thing he cared for in this world, to the Inquisition. Saving the world came with a price too high for him to pay. So now he didn’t try to save the world, or end rebellions; he just tried to help some people when he could. Mostly he hunted slave traders, as he had done for years, the only difference was that he was alone now. He had become more ruthless since losing her. He would move unseen through the night, stalking slavers, unnoticed until his final deathblow lit up the night. Many of the elves he helped spoke of Fen’harel, the Dread Wolf, and wanting to join his cause. _One wolf freed them, another to lead them._ There was a certain poetry to that.


	13. Chapter 13

They were close to the border with Tevinter now. As they travelled, Ellana could gradually see the architecture change; more and more the buildings were either clearly built in the Tevinter style or heavily influenced by it. There were also more statues here, guarding both sides of the larger roads they travelled on: large black dragons, seemingly made out of obsidian loomed over them. The grotesque art Ellana had come to associate with Tevinter was everywhere now, and she felt her burdens grow a little heavier, every time she looked at those harbingers of the empire to come.

Though Tevinter’s power was nothing compared to what it once was, the Imperium was still much stronger than most people realised; it was only by the grace of their internal conflicts that they had not conquered the South. Now they also had the Qunari to deal with, the battle between them had started with renewed vigour after the Qunari had failed to invade the South. And then there was the fact that elves all over Tevinter were disappearing, and with them much of their labour force. At first the elves were able to leave with little trouble at all: Tevinter had installed fear in their slaves, and an acceptance that came with a lack of hope for a better future, so when at first the slaves decided they wanted to leave, they easily could; it had only been their belief that they could not, that had kept them in their chains. The relatively few elves who enjoyed a greater freedom in the Imperium could usually leave with even less trouble, once they realised they had somewhere to go to.

Whatever Ellana thought of Solas’ plans, or what he had done, this at least she couldn’t deny: he had given these elves, who had been put down so low, some hope. Even Dorian respected that. Years ago he had seemed oddly fine with the idea of slavery. Of course he had grown up in Tevinter and not known any other way until he came to the South. Still his defence of slavery had given her pause – and not just because of her heritage – because his argument that the poor in Ferelden or Orlais were not truly free was undeniable, but just because Ferelden and Orlais also treated their most vulnerable unjustly, did not mean slavery wasn’t inherently wrong: one nation doing wrongs did not excuse another. Thankfully over the last few years Dorian had grown to despise slavery. Perhaps it was their friendship that did that, after all Ellana would most likely have been a slave in Tevinter as well, had she been born there. Or maybe that wasn’t giving Dorian enough credit. Dorian had taken to buying slave just to free them. This was difficult because every slave freed needed a place to go, you couldn’t just free them, you needed to give them a real chance at a new life. Josephine had employed many of them over the years, either to work for her family or for those families she had ties with.

Some former slaves, or free elves from Tevinter, had even joined Ellana’s cause, others had left to join Solas. Ellana did not stop those who did, she tried to persuade them to either stay with her cause or built a life elsewhere, but ultimately it was their choice, and Ellana would not be the one to take their choice away from them. Besides, she could see the appeal, see why they would want to join the Dread Wolf, now the stories about him once again centred on him freeing slaves, and restoring the elven empire. Sure, most of the stories now told of Fen’harel in servant quarters, or scribbled on the walls of alienages were not entirely true and most certainly exaggerated at the very least, but they gave hope to a people who had seen too much conflict. Even the old curse, “May the Dread Wolf take you,” had now become a blessing among those most impoverished elves, at least those who believed Fen’harel’s promise.

 

“Ellana, could you please help me,” Leliana’s voice rang across to her. Ellana started at hearing her name; she had been very distant for the entirety of the journey, her thoughts jumping from what lay ahead, to how Solas had been the last time she had seen him.

“Of course,” Ellana got up and walked over to Leliana, who was trying to secure one horse while also holding on to the reins of another. Ellana quickly took her own horse and started to secure him to the tree. Not far behind them she could see torches being lid by mages, while others worked to set up the tents. Soon half the hillside was lit with tiny lights. Their numbers had grown, and would continue to grow as others joined them from across Thedas. Looking over them, Ellana felt the familiar burden of lives depending on her. She thought back to when she was with her clan, this felt similar and different at the same time, Ellana did feel like many of the people here were her family, but at the same time she felt utterly isolated, much as she had felt once she was made First of her clan; Ellana hadn’t wanted to be the First, she had wanted to be a hunter.

“Inquisitor!” a young scout came running up the small hill. Ellana recognised the scout, he had been with the Inquisition and now he was with this strange group of theirs. “Scout Winn?” Leliana also turned to the scout. “There’s an attack, in the city,” Winn said as he pointed to the distant city, then he looked at Ellana, and there was something about the look on his face that worried her. “They’re killing the elves, in the alienage, it looks like they’re –“ the scout looked at Ellana again, “well it looks like they’re purging the whole alienage.”

Ellana felt anger boiling up in her, not just because these were elves – and Winn clearly thought that fact would affect her – but because she was so tired of seeing the world hurt the most vulnerable of its citizens. “We have to go now,” Ellana said.

Leliana nodded, “Winn, go to Cassandra, tell her what you told me, tell her to mobilize as many men as she can and come after us.” Winn nodded and ran off.

“We can’t wait for Cassandra,” Ellana said.

“I did not intent to wait,” Leliana answered and already headed for the horses.

As Ellana was untying her own horse, she could see Andar running up the hill, straight for her, just behind him were Lithal and Cait. “Ellana, what is happening? The scout was saying something about elves?” Andar seemed more unnerved than Ellana.

“Yes, in the city, they’re purging the alienage.”

“Fenedhis,” Andar said under his breath.

“Of course they are,” Lithal said, clenching her teeth.

Cait said nothing, but she immediately ran off to where the other horses were, and soon came back, leading two horses by the reigns, followed by Leliana who was also leading two horses.

“We’re riding out before the rest of the men, or whoever Cassandra manages to get ready,” Ellana said while quickly, but not so gracefully, getting on her horse. “I won’t ask you to come with me, if you want to wait, or help Cassandra, you’re free to do so.”

Andar had already mounted one of the other horses. “So very unlikely,” he said, smiling.

The rest of them quickly got on the horses as well. “We should go now,” Lithal said as she turned her horse to be aligned with Leliana’s. Cait said nothing but joined the small formation, a determent look on her face, one Ellana was not surprised to see.

Ellana smiled to herself, warmed by their willingness to risk themselves for strangers, just because they needed help, she turned her own horse and spurred it on to take the lead. They left the camp in full gallop, rushing towards the lights of the city.

 

Unlike most alienages, this one was located on the very edge of the city, it almost looked like it was growing out of the city walls: the rotten asymmetrical wooden walls of the cramp living spaces juxtaposed against the clean red stone and polished metal statues of the city wall. Already you could tell there was a fight raging in the alienage: shouting, screams, metal clinking, and a burning smell mingled with the dank smell of the alienage. It was too dark to see if there was any smoke coming from the place, but Ellana knew that even if there wasn’t any yet, there soon could be.

They got off their horses and they spurred them on to get away from the city, Ellana knew they wouldn’t go too far and would come if called, and she didn’t want to tie them up and risk them.

“How do we get in there?” Ellana asked.

“The roofs,” Andar said.

Leliana nodded, “look, we can climb up there,” she pointed at the wooden structure coming out of the city wall. Ellana couldn’t see how, but followed the two rogues.

“They will never let us live in peace, will they?” Lithal said to no one in particular. She was looking at the rotten wood, the shoddy repairs. Ellana realised Lithal probably had more experience with alienages than she did. Actually, considering his missing vallaslin, so might Andar. She had never really bought into the idea of the Dalish being above other elves, a sentiment many of her clan held even as they traded with humans who themselves looked down on all elves, her clan looked down on city elves (or any none-Dalish elves really). While Ellana had never shared the sentiment, it was only now that she realised how different her life was to that of elves trapped in alienages, living among humans. Ellana knew some of the stories about what went on in alienages, of course, but she had no first-hand experience with it. Ellana felt ashamed to think that she had encouraged Dorian to help the elves in Tevinter, and had brokered an unsteady alliance between Gaspard, Celene and Briala in the hopes of helping the elves in Orlais (much as her plan had backfired), but she had not truly dedicated herself to helping the elves herself. Yes she had protected her own clan, and made an unstable alliance with another clan, and occasionally sent help if she heard of others in trouble, but had she truly helped the elves who most needed it? Had she really helped the city elves, or those captured and sold? How could she ask elves to join her cause above Solas’ when she offered them so little?

They scaled the wall much quicker than Ellana had feared. Cait had the most trouble with it, but Andar stayed next to her, showing her with every step where to place her hands or her feet. Ellana’d had surprisingly little trouble with it, despite having only one arm she could use, because Leliana refused to leave her side, helping Ellana up or supporting her weight when necessary.

Ellana finally reached the roof and stood up, the alienage spread out beneath her. It was chaos, people running around, some fighting, some running, some just sitting – seemingly frozen in place. The whole place was muddy, and messy, things thrown into corners, garbage and planks and pieces of destroyed furniture. There were small fires burning, they looked like they had started as campfires to keep warm, but some were dangerously big now, large piles of blackened objects – Ellana gasped: those were bodies on the fires, small frames, even now recognisable as elves.

 _This is how it has always been_ , Ellana suddenly thought to herself, and she felt like she was finally acknowledging a deep pain she had tried to ignore all her life. _This_ was what the humans did to her people, what they had always done, and what they would have done to her and her clan after the conclave, if the Inquisition had not been formed. This was what humans had tried to do to her clan, and what they had done to countless clans before. Ellana remembered all the times she had been called ‘rabbit’ at the Winter Palace, even at the height of the Inquisition’s power, how many times she had seen even the nobles visiting Skyhold look down on her, the whispered insults from even the Inquisition’s soldiers, how the humans who visited her clan had gauged at her and the others like they were an exotic exhibit. Ellana remembered the fear she had felt, unable to protect her clan, and hoping Cullen’s men would reach it in time.

But this was worse: these elves had no power, they barely even had lives to lose, but the humans would take even that from them. Looking at these elves now, chased by men in armour as their houses were torn down, their possessions burned, and their bodies discarded as if they were less than nothing, Ellana suddenly felt the whole history of the elves stretch across the years, and she saw how every time they had found a home, or tried to build a home, or been promised a home, every time they were chased away from it with violence, and for the first time in her life, she felt a true hatred burning in her chest: in that moment she hated the humans. The hate her Keeper had for them had never seemed reasonable to her, but now, now she could feel it.

Ellana cast a barrier around herself and jumped down. She landed on her feet, in the middle of a struggle between two large men, both armed to the teeth, facing off with two elves, both the elves looked like they had been dragged out of their beds, wearing barely any clothes, and huddled together. They weren’t even fighting back; they didn’t believe there was any hope of victory, as if this day had always been coming for them.

The staff she had been given by Solas was much lighter than any other she had wielded, and it made her attacks follow each other faster. The two men lunged forward, their swords lashing out at her, but Ellana quickly froze one of them, and attacked the other, a blade seemingly made out of yellow light hacking at him, he was dead before the other one was released. She stepped forward, ready to finish that one off, but right then, out of thin air, Andar appeared, two blades lashing at the man in such quick succession, Andar almost became invisible again.

Another soldier, or city guard, ran at the two elves, but a hail of arrows stopped the city guard dead in her tracks. Ellana looked behind her, the arrows had come from Leliana and Lithal, who were both still standing on the rooftop.

Cait appeared next to Ellana and Andar and nodded, Ellana lead the three of them to the next group of men. They were too late, and Ellana watched as a young boy was cut down in front of her. Two other elves tried to drag him to safety – though Ellana doubted there was anything they could do for the boy – as three men and one woman tried to cut them down as well. Cait jumped in front of the elves, and managed to charge at all four of the soldiers with enough power to knock two of them to the ground, as she lunged her sword at the third. Ellana quickly attacked the fourth one, who still seemed dead set on going after the elves. Soon all four of them were dead.

The fight wasn’t fair to the soldiers, they were clearly not nearly as skilled as Ellana and the others were. But Ellana still felt that newfound hatred burning inside of her, it made her attacks more vicious, and she didn’t know if it made them stronger as well, or if she had always been holding back some measure of her true power and skill and she wasn’t anymore. Andar swiftly moved across the battleground, invisible up until the moment of attack. His armour was barely enough to withstand arrows, but Ellana made sure he had a barrier around him at all time. High above her Leliana and Lithal were taking out the archers and some of the warriors and rogues as well. Cait was a brute force, and reminded Ellana of Cassandra, but with less control.

A rogue suddenly appeared at Ellana’s back and managed to slash at her before she could cast a barrier, the blades easily cut through her leather vest and she felt both of them cut into her flesh, pain shooting up her body, and she almost dropped her staff. Suddenly there was a barrier around her, one she hadn’t cast herself, and it seemed to be regenerating her health, Ellana realised it had been the staff, apparently it carried an enchantment that made it cast a barrier to protect its wielder when they were wounded. Slowly the pain in her body dulled enough for her to regain control, Ellana spun around, her blade cutting through the rogue, she drew her arm back and slashed at him again and again until he collapsed to the ground.

Ellana looked around the alienage. There were few soldiers left, and most of them were fighting someone already. But then she spotted a younger soldier, smaller in frame, setting fire to one of the buildings. All the buildings were made out of wood, and all leaned against other shoddy shelters, so if one burned, they all burned.

Ellana rushed forward and with a single fire bomb she managed to take out the soldier. But she knew of no spell to stop fire. Her clan had been so scared to attract the Templar’s wrath that they had forbidden ‘casual use’ of magic, which meant that there were many simple everyday spells Ellana didn’t know. Thankfully Cait was of a more practical nature and she quickly came rushing with a bucket filled with water from the well. One bucket did little to stop the fire of course, but it reminded Ellana that she did know how to freeze things and with that the fire was stopped.

“Ellana, Andar!” Leliana’s voice rang out from above her. Leliana was on a lower rooftop now, running across the roofs to reach –

As Ellana followed Leliana’s trajectory with her eyes she saw what Leliana saw: Andar under attack from three warriors. Ellana rushed forward, trying to cast a barrier to protect Andar, but he was too far away. “Andar!” she yelled as if she could protect him with her voice alone. The warriors did look to see who was shouting, but it seemed inevitable that they would strike Andar down before Ellana or Leliana could reach him. But then an elf appeared. He was taller than other elves, and wearing armour, and carrying a large sword that looked like light trying to break through metal. The elf quickly cut down the first warrior and Leliana took out the second with her arrows. Ellana was now close enough and cast a barrier around Andar and the elf helping him. To her surprise, the elf turned around and genuinely looked angry, almost as if the help angered him.

The last warrior tried to take advantage of the elf’s distraction, and swung his sword at Andar, before Ellana or Leliana had the chance to act, the elf did. The elf was suddenly bathed in bright blue light, almost as if he was lighting up the way his sword did, and then, without any effort, he put his hand through the warrior’s chest, just before he could attack Andar. Ellana stopped dead in her tracks. She had never seen anything like that. It looked like the lyrium veins in the Deep Roads had, but these ran through this elf’s skin. And how had he just done that, put his hand through that man’s chest?

The warrior’s lifeless body fell to the ground and the elf helped Andar up. Ellana quickly ran up to the two elves. “Andar, are you all right?” she asked. Andar took a small bottle from his coat, “nothing that a good healing potion won’t take care of,” he said and he downed the bottle. Andar then turned to the elf. “Thank you,” he said, “I did not expect to find a mage in an alienage, but –“

“I am not a mage,” the elf retorted, his teeth clenched.

“But what you just did…” Andar looked at the warrior lying at his feet.

“It’s the tattoos,” Leliana said as she approached them. “They’re lyrium, are they not?”

The elf looked surprised but nodded.

“I know who you are,” Leliana said, “I met Hawke once, back in Kirkwall, you’re Fenris.”

“Fenris?” Ellana asked, it took her a moment to place the name. “Oh,” she said when she realised where she had heard that name before. She had never had much interest in the stories coming from Kirkwall, and had only known Hawke for a little while, but now Ellana remembered when she had heard the name ‘Fenris,’ it was the last thing she had heard Hawke say, before leaving her in the Fade, she had said ‘I’m sorry, Fenris.’ Though Ellana had not asked Varric any more questions about Hawke, Ellana now realised what Hawke must have been to this elf.

“You’re Fenris?” Andar asked, he sounded impressed. “I should’ve guessed by the markings, of course, I suppose I just imagined them to be different.”

Fenris didn’t say a word, he studied the group and then his eyes rested on Ellana, she could see his gaze going down her arm, to where it stopped abruptly. “You’re Inquisitor Lavellan,” he stated. Ellana felt uneasy. “Yes, I was.”

Fenris nodded, then he turned to look across the destroyed alienage. “We have to help them,” he said and walked off in the direction of one of the surviving elves.

“He was with Hawke, wasn’t he?” Ellana asked Leliana.

Leliana nodded. “I have never met him, but I know the stories.”

“I really wish Varric was here,” Ellana mumbled, only half-joking.

“Maybe we should speak to him, to Fenris,” Leliana said.

“I don’t think he wants to hear anything I have to say,” Ellana replied.

“Perhaps, but he could help us,” Leliana said.

“After what I did?”

“You did nothing,” Leliana said.

“ _I_ was the one to choose,” Ellana reminded her.

“Hawke chose to stay behind, to finish what she started,” Leliana said, “I might not have known her very well, but I am certain that it was her choice.”

“I was the one who opened the rift, I was the reason we were in the Fade in the first place,” Ellana said.

“Corypheus was to blame, not you,” Leliana said, mimicking the speech Ellana had given Leliana years previous.

Ellana nodded and slowly walked towards Fenris. Much like Solas, Fenris was not what you would expect in an elf, he was taller and slightly broader than other elves, his white hair and darker complexion were a combination not often seen, and then there were the markings. Fenris had squatted down next to an elf sitting in a corner. “Are you all right? Did they hurt you?” Fenris asked in a voice much gentler than the one he used before. The elf rolled up his sleeve and revealed a deep cut that ran across his forearm. “Just this,” he answered in a flat tone. Fenris glanced at Ellana and she felt he was telling her to heal the elf. Ellana had been practising her healing spells, and as she placed her hand above the wound, it quickly closed.

“At least that is good for something,” Fenris said as he rose to his feet, all traces of his earlier gentleness gone.

“Fenris, I –“ Ellana shook her head; there was no apology you could give when you were responsible for the death of someone’s loved one.

“There are more elves who need your help,” Fenris said and for a second Ellana thought he meant across Thedas, but then she saw him nod his head at a small group of elves huddled together. It was difficult to tell which – if any – of them were injured, as they were all covered in blood and mud. Ellana approached the group and Fenris followed her in silence. She could feel him looking at her, studying her as she diligently healed every wound, no matter how small.

Eventually she reached a small girl, she was cradling her arm, it looked broken and Ellana feared she wouldn’t be able to heal it, healing bones being one of the more difficult spells and one of her weaknesses. Ellana used her staff, hoping it would focus her energy enough to pull it off, but it didn’t work. One of the elves who had not been injured and had retreated to the back of the group stepped forward. “I can help,” he said, and as he held his hand above the little girl’s arm, Ellana could see the familiar glow of a healing spell spread. He looked at her and she understood he wanted help, she covered his hand with hers and together they managed to heal the little girl.

“Incaensor,” Fenris said, “that’s why they attacked,” his tone was angry, but it wasn’t clear what he was directing his anger at.

The man looked ashamed. He retreated a little and put his hands in his pockets, as if to hide his gifts.

“Sorry?” Ellana looked at Fenris.

“Incaensor,” Fenris repeated, “it’s what they call slaves who manifest magical abilities. There was a time he might have been of use to them, but with the fear surrounding the elven rebellions these days…” Fenris looked at the man.

“You’re a mage?” Ellana asked.

“I am,” the man said, “but I don’t know how they found out.”

“Aren’t you a bit, well, old, for it to only have manifested now?”

“It manifested when I was much younger,” the man said.

“And you kept it a secret, even though it could’ve freed you?”

“It would not have freed me,” the man said bitterly, “I would simply have been forced to serve the Imperium some other way. And I would’ve been taken away from my family,” he sighed, “not that it matters now.”

“And they would purge an entire alienage for that?” Ellana asked surprised.

“For less,” Fenris said, his voice making it clear he was speaking from experience.

Ellana looked around the alienage, the destroyed fragments of the small life the elves had built here. “We’re getting you out of this city,” Ellana said to the man, “all of you, we will give you shelter.”

“Who will give us shelter?” the man asked.

“This is the former Inquisitor,” Fenris said, and he said it with a kind of respect Ellana hadn’t expected from him.

“You are?” the man asked surprised, and then he looked at her arm. “And you would take us in?”

“We’re not the Inquisition any more, but we can still provide you and your people safety,” Ellana said.

“ _Hanal'ghilan_ ,” a soft voice said. Ellana turned around and was surprised to see a familiar face. “Keeper Hawen?” Ellana asked, shocked. His grey hair was tied in a messy bun and his clothes were filthy and torn. The vallaslin was all that indicated that he had not always been here.

“Why are you here?” Ellana asked, but as she asked, she could feel dread pooling in her stomach; there was only one reason why a Dalish elf would be here. “Where is your clan?” Ellana asked, her voice trembling a little as she remembered finding Taven’s body and now pictured the same happening to the rest of the clan.

“They are all dead,” Hawen said, confirming her fears.

“Humans attacked your clan,” Ellana said, her anger leaking through the words.

“Yes,” Hawen said. “They tried to take all of us, to sell us, but most of the clan died resisting the humans, only Taniel and I survived… she died on the way here.”

Ellana felt angry tears sting her eyes. If anyone had given her the power there and then to destroy place every human in Thedas in the same position they forced elves into, she would have. She could feel the anger vibrate through her body, and her staff gave off a low hum from all the power running through her. But then she looked at Cait, and Leliana, and remembered how hard they had fought next to her to help these elves. And she remembered Cullen sending his best men to protect her clan, even though they could’ve been used elsewhere, or Josephine speaking with the nobles who tried to undermine Ellana’s position at every turn.

As she felt her heart calm a little, she understood how easy it was to be overwhelmed by hatred, how easily she could forget herself. Ellana looked over and saw the body of the soldier who had set fire to the building, she now saw he was in fact a scout, and very young. Had he even chosen this life? How many people would be caught up in this war, fighting even if they didn’t want to? How many would lose their lives? How many would she kill?

“They locked us in,” the man said, bringing Ellana’s attention back to the moment. “When they entered the alienage, they locked it behind them.”

“It won’t be the first door I’ve torn down,” Ellana said. And she signalled the others that they were heading out. “Fenris, will you help us get these people to our camp?”

“And when they are there?”

“We will protect them,” Ellana promised him.

“All right,” Fenris said.

“You, stay close to me,” Ellana said to the mage, “what is your name?”

“Es’len,” the man said.

“A pleasure to meet you Es’len, I am Ellana,” Ellana shook his hand. “Now let’s get your people out of this city.”

The elves were still slightly distrustful of Ellana and the others, but she could hardly blame them, still, she would help them out of this city and she wouldn’t allow the other residents to harm a single one of them. Ellana’s group had helped other elves escape, but she had never seen anything like this, and it had cut her deeper than she even realised.

Slowly they approached the gates and Ellana and Es’len led the group. Together they took the doors down without any real effort. As the doors were destroyed, Ellana could hear gasps behind her and screams in front of her. Behind the doors there were soldiers waiting, that they hadn’t entered the alienage during the fight did not surprise Ellana, presumably they had expected to hear the sound of fighting, so there had been no reason for them to suspect something was wrong. Now of course they knew that things had not gone as they had hoped.

A tall man, dressed in an elaborate decorative armour approached them, most likely he was the one in charge. Her rage had calmed slightly, and Ellana felt less inclined to kill him on sight, still, there would be no negotiations.

Leliana had come to stand next to Ellana, the expression on her face was the familiar determination, and frankly terrigying look Ellana had seen on Leliana’s face many times. Leliana had become a little less hard during their time fighting Corypheus, and many members of the Inquisition who had first been a bit trepidatious around her had become more at ease with her, but Ellana knew that fire still burned in Leliana and she was still one of the strongest fighters for their cause.

“We’re taking the elves with us,” Ellana said, a silent warning in her voice. Her staff gave off a slight glow, her emotions filling it with power. “All of them,” she moved towards the commander. He was clearly frightened, Ellana imagined that living next to the border of Tevinter probably instilled a fear of mage in him, more so than if he had been born elsewhere.

“I... have orders.”

Ellana could see the city gates from here, they were open, the city had had no reason to think anyone would enter it to stop them from carrying out what many cities had before them. Then, just beyond the gate, Ellana could see the first torch appear, and next to it Cassandra.

“And we have an army,” Ellana said. She wasn’t sure if their ragtag band qualified as army, but she also suspected that a city as small as this one, probably didn’t have enough reserve soldiers to stand in their way.

Cassandra spotted Ellana and the others and quickly got the men in front, all of whom had been trained by Cullen back in the time of the Inquisition, in formation. They all marched at the same pace, and though it was more of a decorative display, it was intimidating as well, and it certainly made an impression on the commander in front of Ellana. The tall man shuffled his feet and kept glancing at the approaching force. Cassandra had the men form two rows, leading all the way to where Ellana and the elves stood, effectively forming a safe passage from there to the gates of the city.

“Keeper Hawen? Fenris?” Ellana gestured at the passage between the soldiers, both elves knew what she meant and they started leading the remaining elves out of the city.

The commander meanwhile was just quietly watching, his men were standing next to him, and just like him their eyes were fixed on the elves slowly moving out of the city.

“I should kill you for what you ordered those men to do,” Ellana said, her voice low and controlled.

“That wasn’t on my orders!” the commander protested.

“They are your men, they listen to you, you are just as responsible as the one who gave you your orders.” Ellana looked around her, the elves were all gone, except for Es’len, who was still standing next to her as she had asked. Cait and Lithal were standing next to the soldiers and Leliana still had her bow and an arrow in her hands, clearly not certain they had reached the end of this.

“If you try to come after these elves, I will kill you,” Ellana said, and she knew it was the truth.

The commander didn’t speak, and he didn’t protest in any other way. Ellana signalled the others, and together with the soldiers they marched out of the city, and back to camp.

 

The camp was already being broken up; they couldn’t stay here any longer, Ellana doubted the city would try to attack, but they might have alliances they could call on. So their group was heading to the final campsite, a forest on the very border of the Tevinter Imperium. Already some of the Dalish elves who were part of their group had travelled ahead, scouting and preparing.

Keeper Hawen was helping the healers, even with so many mages among their cause, more help was needed. The elves they had saved were still huddled together, Ellana was not surprised. Es’len was busy healing some and comforting others. Es’len looked almost as old as Hawen, except his hair was still mainly black, long and braided much like Fenris’ hair. It seemed a miracle that Es’len had been able to hide his abilities for this long, but then it again it seemed unlikely many people paid the slaves enough attention to notice his abilities.

Leliana walked up to Ellana, “I believe there will be another song written about you after this.”

“Sorry?” Ellana asked surprised, wondering whether everyone knew about the song Lithal had been singing.

“Surely you are aware there are songs about your victories for the Inquisition? Or about you travelling through the Fade?”

“Oh,” Ellana said, feeling slightly relieved.

“Perhaps I’ll write a song myself,” Leliana said.

Ellana noticed Fenris moving between the elves.

“Someone will have to talk to him,” Leliana said.

“ _Someone_?” Ellana eyed her with suspicion.

“It would be best if you did,” Leliana said.

Ellana let out a long breath, “and what would I say? Sorry I killed the woman I’m almost certain you loved?”

“You did not kill Hawke,” Leliana said.

“So you keep reminding me, still, I don’t think the precise reasons why she is dead will matter that much. I was the one to make the final decision. I could have saved her.”

“And let Alistair die? There was always going to be a sacrifice.”

“True, but what does that matter to someone who lost the person they loved most?”

“A great deal I would think,” Leliana said. “When you told me you had seen Justinia had died because she wanted to make sure you could escape the Fade… well, it was a comfort.”

Ellana got up and slowly, very reluctantly, made her way to Fenris. Leliana had tried to help, and she had, but she had also reminded Ellana of how many people had died to get her where she was now.

“Fenris?” Ellana waited for him to turn and face her. “I, err… I just thought we should talk.”

“You have my thanks,” he said.

Ellana wasn’t sure what she had thought, or dreaded to hear, but that was not it. “For what?”

“For helping these elves, I could not have done it alone.”

“You were here before us then?”

“I arrived as you were fighting, but I had already intended to come here, I had traced some slavers back to this city,” Fenris said.

“Slavers?”

“Yes. They are dead. I was looking for their establishment in the city,” Fenris said.

“And did you find it?”

“I did.”

“And?” Ellana asked.

“The alienage wasn’t the only place burning tonight.”

Ellana nodded and couldn’t help but feel a little pleased.

“I’m glad we at least got some of the elves out,” Ellana said.

“As am I,” Fenris said.

An uneasy silence settled between them. Ellana glanced at Fenris, but his eyes were fixed on something else, still, he didn’t move away. “Fenris? I just wanted to say that I am sorry about Hawke.”

“I do not wish to discuss it,” was all Fenris said.

After a short pause, Ellana decided to continue anyway, “I know it must mean very little, but –“

“Then you must realize there is little point to your empty talk,” Fenris said, more venom in his voice this time.

Ellana decided to drop it, he was right after all, nothing she could say could fill the void she had created in his life.

After a while, Fenris asked: “Tell me, do you do this often?”

“Ending up in fights I didn’t choose? It’s pretty much all I do.”

“Freeing the helpless,” Fenris pressed.

Ellana considered the question, was that what they did?

“I hope we do,” Ellana answered truthfully.

Fenris looked at her, seemed to be considering something and then spoke again, “I would offer my services, if you did.”

“Are you saying you want to join us?”

“I am saying I want to help the vulnerable,” Fenris said.

Ellana bit her lip. “I would welcome any help, truly, but I don’t think you want to join us.” Ellana looked at Fenris, the strange markings on his skin faintly glowing in the night. She tried to remember everything Varric had told her about Hawke’s friends, but she couldn’t recall him ever saying anything about these tattoos, perhaps the story was known to most people and he had simply assumed she would know it as well. “I remember Varric telling me Hawke travelled with an escaped slave from Tevinter, I assume that’s you,” Ellana said. Fenris nodded. “I can’t imagine you’d be willing to go back there,” Ellana said.

“I would not have been, if my former master had still lived, but it hardly matters now; there is no one there who can lay claim on me. Well, no more than they can try to lay claim on you or any other elf,” Fenris said.

“I thought not all elves were slaves in Tevinter?”

“That is true, but all elves are viewed as less than humans or dwarves, and it isn’t unheard of even an elf with a high standing to be reduced to a slave if others will it so.”

“I suppose that shouldn’t surprise me,” Ellana said.

“Why are you heading into Tevinter?” Fenris asked.

“We’re going after –“ Ellana realised Fenris would need more explanation, “I don’t know how familiar you are with elven myths?”

“I’ve read quite a lot about elves,” Fenris said.

“Well, then this will sound strange, but we’re going after the Dread Wolf, or Solas as he is called.”

“Fen’harel?” Fenris asked surprised.

“You have heard of him?”

“Yes, I have seen many elves join him this past year.”

“Ah,” Ellana said.

“Why stop him?”

Ellana took a deep breath, and in the most concise way possible, she tried to explain why they had to stop Solas. Ellana worried when she explained to Fenris that Solas wanted to restore Elvhenan, as she knew many elves would want that or relish the chance to restore some of the former glory of the elves. Ellana could understand why, but she knew that even if she wanted that, even if she wanted to give the elves their own empire again, a home that couldn’t be destroyed, this was not the way. Fenris however seemed to have no interest in restoring Elvhenan and seemed to take Ellana’s word as she told him what she had told countless others before him.

“Then I will help,” Fenris said eventually.

“Good, I mean… thank you?”

Fenris’ expression softened a little. “For now I will help the elves here,” he said and turned around and went back to the elves they had saved.

When Leliana saw Fenris leave, she got up to join Ellana. “Is he staying?” she asked.

“Yes,” Ellana replied, still feeling surprised.

“Good,” Leliana said, “I have heard stories about him, supposedly he is a very powerful warrior.” Ellana looked at the blond elf, talking to the elves they had saved together, she wasn’t sure what to make of him yet, but felt glad to have his help.

“Lavellan, there is something you should hear,” Cassandra came towards them, already signalling Ellana to follow. Ellana did, and Leliana did as well.

Cassandra led them to the edge of the camp, there were six elves there, sitting around a small campfire. Ellana recognise the little girl whose arm she and Es’len had healed; these elves were part of the group they had saved. When they got close enough for the elves to notice their presence, they all stopped talking and looked very nervous as they tried to look anywhere except at Ellana.

“They want to leave,” Cassandra said.

“Leave?” Ellana couldn’t imagine any place, close enough for them to reach, that would be safer than the city they had just left.

“They want to join Solas,” Cassandra said.

“We want to join Fen’harel,” the oldest of the women in the group said, as if she wasn’t sure if Cassandra meant the same man by the foreign name.

“I see,” Ellana said.

“We’ve heard he takes in Elves, that he will –“ the woman looked at Leliana and Cassandra, clearly unsure if it was wise to bring this up in front of non-elves.

“I know what the stories are,” Ellana said, “but things are more complicated… he wouldn’t give you what you want.”

“We want to leave,” the woman’s voice trembled a little, almost as if she thought they were going to stop them.

“I won’t stop you, I won’t keep you here if you don’t want to stay,” Ellana reassured the woman, “but I want you to consider, he is building an army, there I no home yet to run to, I want you to realize this”

“We do, but we still want to leave.”

Ellana wasn’t sure if the woman, or any of them, had taken her words seriously, but she was too tired to keep trying to convince them to stay.

“If you still want to leave…” Ellana looked at Cassandra, “give them some provisions and three horses, if we can spare them.” Cassandra looked like she was about to protest, but left to do as Ellana asked.

It wasn’t long before the elves had their provisions and left with two horses. “Do you think it wise to let them leave?” Cassandra asked.

“I can hardly force them to be committed to this cause,” Ellana answered. What she didn’t tell her was that after this night, Ellana understood better than ever before why the story Solas spun for his followers was so tempting. The idea of having a true homeland, save from the destruction elves faced everywhere… it was seductive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're disappointed that there was no Solas this time, you'll be happy to hear there will be another chapter this week that's kind of a companion to this one, but Solas-centric. Originally it was part of this chapter, but it got too long and so I've made it its own chapter. I'll try to have it up in the next few days.  
> (Also, I added an illustration to the previous chapter.)


	14. Chapter 14

  


These were the dreams he dreaded the most; Solas watched how Ellana came over to the bed, climbed on top of it, and laid down next to him, resting her head on his chest. Her black hair was longer than it normally was, and elaborately braided, her dress was made from white silk, embroidered with golden thread that gave off a soft glow. Solas looked around the spacious room; a large doomed ceiling covered in thick tree branches in bloom, golden tiles framing large windows with coloured glass, displaying a changing depiction of a forgotten realm, partially obscured by pale blue, silken curtains softly waving in the wind.

Ellana moved in Solas’ arms, she looked up at him, her hand reaching out and touching his cheek, and Solas felt a familiar warmth spreading through his chest. “Ma sa'lath, andaratisha,” she said, her singsong voice making it sound almost poetic, but the purity of her pronunciation made it clear this was not truly Ellana comforting him. **[“My one love, be at peace.”]** Ellana was still looking at him, smiling now, as she stretched to reach him, her mouth almost meeting his... Solas forced himself to wake up.

 

“Ara suledin nadas,” Solas said under his breath, as he sat up in the bed. **[I must endure.]** Solas tried to push his anger from his mind. He’d had similar dreams before, he tried to clear his mind before sleeping, hoping to avoid the experience, and whenever the dreams did happen he would force himself to wake up, these dreams were an unnecessary distraction; only troubling with no chance of discerning any new information.

Today, however, Solas’ anger was not only powered by this particular dream. Solas let out an exasperated breath. Strange that such a small thing would occupy his mind for so long, it had been nearly three weeks since Ellana had abruptly been pulled from the fade – from his arms – and he still felt angry burning away inside of him when he thought about it, whoever had woken Ellana up had stolen precious moment from him. Or perhaps Solas was simply angry at himself, for once again feeling as if he had been on the precipice of laying down this burden.

Solas dressed, and walked over to the window. He had been avoiding meeting Ellana in dreams since that night; it would be too easy to give in. Too easy to see the world as she saw it. Looking out the window, seeing all those elves who were fighting for a better world – limited as their knowledge of this new world was – he felt the familiar weight of guilt and duty. Solas tried to push the feeling from his mind. _If only Mythal had not refused to aid me_ , Solas thought, an irrational anger filling his mind. _If only she had granted me access when I asked, none of this would have been necessary._ Solas paced the length of the room, his fist clenching at his side without him noticing. _But then,_ he thought, _then I would have acted before seeing._

As Solas moved to leave the room, he passed his desk, lying on it were two posters collected by one of his scouts, months earlier. The posters had been showing up around Orlais and Ferelden for months, recently they had even been discovered in Tevinter. The posters were in two distinct styles, clearly not made by the same author: one poster bore the image of a large black wolf and promises of reclaimed power and newfound freedom, promises playing on the hope for a new empire for the elves. The other had the image of a golden halla on it, and a simple promise of protection, _a safe harbour_. Solas unthinkingly smiled, the posters had been on his desk since he had first received them; he had not been able to bring himself to dispose of them, as if he believed there was still something to learn from them.

There were rumours of the former Inquisition freeing slaves or being a sanctuary for freed slaves, these rumours had started a little while before the second poster started showing up. Solas believed the rumours to be true, remembering Ellana freeing the slaves they had found in the Hissing Wastes, and granting them a place in the Inquisition. Someone with a more strategic mind could now be freeing slaves to booster their numbers, but it seemed unlikely that this was Ellana’s motivation. In this respect at least she was quite similar to Solas himself. While he had ended up fighting side by side with former slaves, he had only done so out of a sense of righteousness, and only the willing fought alongside him. Solas remembered seeing the tens of thousands enslaved by the Evanuris, and their abuses of them. He could stand not stand it anymore than she could stand it now. To wake and see the Dalish wear the vallaslin as a way to remember the old ways… it cut him deeper than he would have believed possible, but seeing _her_ wear the vallaslin was far worse. Solas had wanted to tell her the truth about the markings for so long, but was not sure how to explain his awareness of the truth behind them, or his ability to remove the vallaslin. When Solas finally did say it, it was merely because he could not think of anything else to reveal, that carried enough weight to hide the truth he had wanted to reveal to her.

Solas thought back to that day, taking Ellana to Crestwood to tell her the truth, and accept whatever response she would give him, even if his hope was that she would accept him, even when seeing all of him. However, when they arrived at the cavern, the entrance had been surrounded by red lyrium, a stark reminder of the unrelenting scourge threatening the whole world, if Solas did not act. Still, holding her, it felt as if the whole world was right there in his arms; it felt as if this would be enough. As if he could simply rebuild, instead of reclaim. But as Solas pulled away, looking at her beautiful face looking up at him, he was overwhelmed with a feeling of dread; holding her he could already feel her slipping away from him… _there was_ _too little time_.

Solas shook his head, as if it would clear his mind. He quickly made his way down the stairs, and out the front door. The building he occupied was old, but still intact, and surrounded by tents and newly built wooden structures. This was only a very small part of the camp, the tents had only been set up here because the fields reserved for the tents had become overcrowded. They were safe here, the only access to this forgotten place was through an eluvian, and now he was the one who controlled them.

One of the soldiers was noticeably startled by Solas’ presence near the training yard. Solas walked here often, but the man was most likely new to the group, and when Solas looked at him, he quickly looked away and went in the opposite direction. Solas sighed, he almost missed Vivienne’s insults, or Sera’s attempts to get a rise out of him, no one here would dare do that, no one here considered him to be Solas, they purely saw him as Fen’harel. Their respect bordered on worship and Solas found he detested it even more this time around. Still, he had to bare the weight of his title; it would not be Solas they would follow, it would not be Solas they would give their lives for. Solas had not let himself get close to any of them, not even Andar, who he had spoken to more than any of the others, even if his understanding of the plan was far slighter than that of some, like Saraten. Perhaps it was a subconscious choice, to protect himself from his growing guilt over what he had to do to them, or to avoid any of them feeling free enough around him to question him about his exact goals. Right now they all fought for a romantic ideal, not a lie so much as a deliberately undefined hope.

_Only by omission,_ Solas remembered what he had told Ellana, back when she had confronted him over not confiding in her. Solas had believed his own defence at the time, but in truth he knew she was right, and that he had lied to her. True, Ellana had never directly asked him whether he was Fen’harel, and so he had never needed to deny it, but she had asked to know him, and as she bared her own character to him, he had kept so much from her; never granted her the same insight into his true nature. Now he was keeping the truth from these elves willing to die for this cause. It would be much simpler if he could undo what Ellana had done: it was through her he had come to see the people of this age in a different light, had come to consider them beyond his initial judgement (or condemnation) of them. Still, there were things, fundamental differences he could not overlook.

Even now, Solas doubted Ellana understood the true difference between him and the elves of her time. Solas longed to explain, but any information given to her could be too much, her curious nature and sharp mind had already surprised him; he could not risk her uncovering too much information. While Solas truly hoped Ellana could find a way where he could not, he would not risk his plans being disrupted beyond repair. Ellana could not understand why she, or indeed the rest of the people in this world, were not enough to change his mind, and he could not explain. If she had seen the world as it was, or the way the elven people related to it, she would see how wrong this world was.

Even if the threat hanging above it could be stopped, even then this world was not good enough. The pain, the destructions, the cruelty of its people… it seemed that in separating the waking world from the dreaming world, Solas had condemned the people to the worst parts of his world. A cruel place where people were born and died in a few short years, often primarily filled with suffering. This was not the world he had given everything up for, sacrificed for. If Solas did not fix this mistake, then the price he had paid for it was lost, it would all have meant nothing, worse, it would mean he had not only not succeeded in helping his people, he would be the villain so many saw in him, he would have only made things worse. Solas had to keep trying.

Ellana had never viewed him as such, as the Dread Wolf, even as he told her what he was willing to sacrifice. Ellana hated what he had to do, how could she not, but her eyes had remained kind and she had offered him understanding where others would have offered only hatred. Solas could understand her pain, because it was true that many would die, but what Ellana failed to understand was that countless numbers had already died because of his actions, all as a direct result of his actions: those who died in the chaos of the new state of the world, and those who had died because he had cursed them with mortality. Not to mention how many had died simply because this new world was a cruel place to live. Ellana had been born into this, she had never known another world, how could she understand how wrong this place was? How many more would suffer and die because of the way the world was now? How could he not struggle against this, try to fix it? You have to keep trying to make the world better, not accept the intolerable.

“Fen’harel,” a scout approached him, it was Ishgan, one of the first to join him. “Gaspard has been assassinated,” Ishgan said, “Orlais is claiming he fell in battle with the Qunari, but that is a lie.”

“I am not surprised,” Solas said. It was true that the Qunari had been attacking Orlais and Ferelden on and off for the past year, they did not seem to be planning a true invasion, not yet at any rate, Solas believed the Qunari were in fact testing the strengths of the south, trying to find weaknesses they could exploit, but they wouldn’t assassinate Gaspard, they would gain nothing by it.

“It is unclear who killed him, but we believe we know a way to the man’s name. We believe it was an Antivan crow.”

“It is irrelevant,” Solas said, “we know his murderer already, the empress, who Celene hired is of little interest to me.”

Ishgan looked surprised, and slightly nervous. It was a look Solas saw often, he suspected that even the ones who had been following him for a long time still felt some residual fear, he blamed the stories the Dalish had told of him.

“Did you locate Briala?” Solas asked, as this had been the scout’s original assignment.

The man looked even more nervous now, “no, she is gone. She might be dead, we cannot find her.”

“I doubt she is dead,” Solas said. Most likely, she had retreated to the shadows, when it was clear that the shaky truce Ellana had negotiated between Celene, Gaspard and Briala had come to an end. It was hardly surprising, even Ellana herself must now realise that trying to have those three work together was madness. It was her unwillingness to sacrifice anyone that left the empire vulnerable to this. Solas knew Ellana had hoped she could pressure the three leaders into improving things for the elves, but the few reforms that had been put into place were undone once the Inquisition was gone, and with it Ellana’s authority and the weight she needed behind her words to have them mean anything against the word of an empress. Blackmail without proof required you to be believed on your word; with the Inquisition disbanded Ellana had reverted to being simply a Dalish elf, someone with little influence. Celene was smarter, and had kept both Gaspard and Briala at court, while ignoring their attempts to influence her rule, she seemed less inclined to negotiate with them then ever before, her resentment most likely fuelled by the humiliation of being effectively muzzled by a Dalish elf for over two years. Celene had waited for the opportune time to dispose of her ‘allies.’

Ishgan was still looking nervous, and Solas realised he was waiting for permission to leave, so he told him he could go. Solas missed the days no one looked to him for orders. It seemed his life was destined to be filled with struggles he did not choose for any other reason than he felt obligated to take them on. Solas would’ve been quite happy if he had never been asked to join that first war he fought in. But once he agreed to serve, he had accepted what war demanded of a person.

Unlike Ellana, for much as he loved Ellana for her kindness, at times she let it lead her decisions even when reason would give better advice. Orlais wasn’t the only place to suffer by Ellana’s soft hand: Solas remembered her allowing the Grey Wardens to stay, and the energy it had taken to protect or stop those who were still under the influence of Corypheus, or whose memory of the calling was still too vivid, too much to handle. Ellana was still so young, and so new at her position; she still needed to learn that war demanded blood and victory demanded sacrifice.

A nervous looking group of elves passed him, led by Arathalle, one of the mages working for him. They were dressed in clothes that looked too big for them, carrying packs with a familiar crest embroidered on it. Solas approached them and the elves looked nervous, then Arathalle said something to them. While Solas had not caught the remark, he could guess she had told them who he was, because the elves now no longer looked nervous, instead they looked frightened and moved away from him.

“They’ve only just arrived,” Arathalle said, sounding almost apologetic.

“I see,” Solas said, he nodded his head in what he thought would be the least threatening greeting. He looked at the packs again, those were Inquisition packs, there were several around Thedas undoubtedly, but it seemed unlikely they would have simply found four of them. “Have you come from El – the former Inquisitor?” Though Solas did not ask it to accuse them, he could see the question made the elves even more frightened.

“They were freed,” Arathelle said.

“By Inquisitor Lavellan?”

The elves looked at each other, and finally the oldest woman in their group spoke, “they took us in, but we left.”

“They freed you?” Solas asked.

“No, we were set free by the magister who bought us.”

Solas raised his eyebrows, “someone paid for your freedom?”

The woman nodded, “magister Pavus, he – “

“Pavus?” Solas asked surprised, he felt his heart warm a little, knowing Dorian had at least grown a little since he last saw him, and was using his new position and influence to help people.

“Yes, he bought us but set us free and two soldiers came and brought us to a camp and they fed us and gave us clothes and…” she stopped rambling and looked at the others in her group. “We could stay there, but we wanted to join you, because we – “ she looked at her friends again. “ _I_ heard you are going to give the elves a land, a real place.”

Solas was aware of the implicit hope in her statement, that this would be a land for her, a _home_ for her. This woman’s chances were small, Arathelle, at least stood a better chance, as a mage, but honestly for most of them the chances that this land would be theirs was very slim, and if they did see what world he would bring them, would they want to stay?

Solas did not answer the woman, this day he could not bring himself to lie. “There might be some vacant bedrolls in the tent at the back of the campsite,” Solas said to Arathelle. She immediately led the elves away, the woman was the only one who looked at him as they were led away. Her face was worn and wrinkled; her hair thin and grey. Solas had trouble guessing the ages of the people of this time, but she looked like she was nearing the end of her short years, and he felt the familiar guilt press down on him once more, as he felt the weight of all the years he had stolen from her.

These four weren’t the first elves who had been freed by the former Inquisition and had made their way here, to him, some had even met Ellana, (but none of them had any information he did not already possess). Ellana always let them go it seemed. It had been the other way around a week ago, a small group had left the camp and other elves told him they had wanted to find the Inquisition and join. Solas had considered sending agents after the group, but decided it did not matter, they knew nothing that could help Ellana, if they even managed to find her. All these elves could really tell her was that Solas’ camp was reachable through an eluvian. Even if Ellana had not guessed this piece of information before, the knowledge would not help her reach the camp.

Would Ellana even try to reach the camp, if she somehow managed to find a way? Ellana would not risk the people under her command for an impossible chance – and she had to know Ellana was a more powerful mage than her, with a large force behind him. _She would come alone,_ he realised. Ellana would try to reason with him.

Solas was not surprised to hear Ellana’s group had grown to substantial numbers, his agents told him the news in whispers, as if fearing repercussion for telling him the news, but Solas had not expected any less from her. Ellana had a remarkable ability to inspire loyalty and give hope, even to those taught to view elves with suspicion. Solas could only respect that; the loyalty she inspired came from hope, kindness, a just spirit, not fear or a tradition of myths carrying her name. Solas had witnessed Ellana rise from a prisoner convicted before she even woke, to a respected leader, despite her origins. Now he sometimes saw those elves who followed her, their hands baring her mark, people still followed her and they were right to, she was one of those rare people who could wield power without letting it corrupt her, or change her morals, she would not end up mistreating those who served her, or erecting statues in her name. She would not be compromised by the words of others, whispered in her ear.

If Ellana had lived in his time she would have been a talented creator, her will rivalling his own. Solas thought back to that time, when creation needed no more than will and intention. To a degree that was still true in this age, but it was as if the wings had been clipped, and every creation was forced into to obey the laws of this waking world. Solas looked around the camp, even the small buildings they had built looked unimpressive and uninventive. Even the ancient, stone, building he lived in would pale in the light of the buildings he had seen.

The eluvian on the other side of the small courtyard lit up a little brighter, it was only a flicker, but it indicated someone was coming through. Solas made his way across the courtyard, just as a tall elven man walked through, Sataren, one of the few who could navigate the eluvians with such grace, though considering his nature that was hardly surprising.

“I think they’ve set up their final camp,” Sataren said as he joined Solas.

“Near the border?”

“Yes, in the woods.”

Solas nodded and felt some pride, knowing Ellana had realised Tevinter had to be the place to discover more about his plans. She was probably planning on trying to find it in dreaming. Solas was unsure if it was common knowledge in this time that Tevinter was where once the riches parts of Elvhenan were located. If Ellana was to find his plans in dreams, this would be the place to start. It might seem foolish that he was not worried about her interfering with his own plans in Tevinter, but it simply seemed highly unlikely to him that Ellana already realised what exactly Solas wanted to find there, he had not heard anything about the artefact in this age, indeed, even its name seemed to have been lost to the ages.

“Is she sa –“ Solas stopped himself, “is the camp defensible?”

“To a degree, I doubt they could withstand a front on attack, not from us at any rate, if you want me to prepare –“

“No,” Solas said tersely. “Simply keep me informed of any big movements.”

“Of course,” Sataren nodded and turned to leave through the eluvian again, but just before he did he looked back at Solas, “we could take the camp.”

“I said no,” Solas warned.

“But it would be far easier, we could eradicate their movement,” Sataren said.

“Do not presume to have the right to device strategies for me,” Solas said through clenched teeth.

“It would be easier than constantly spy on them to discover their plans.”

“Ir Fen’harel,” Solas hissed, “Ne tel’ghilana ma!” **[“I am Fen’harel,”] [“You do not guide me!”]**

Sataren looked angry, defiant even, but eventually said, “Ma nuvenin,” and left through the eluvian. **[“As you wish.”]**

Sataren was the only one who would question Solas’ orders from time to time. Solas recognised it could be beneficial to have someone challenge your views, open up new ideas, but there was no negotiation when it came to Ellana. It was true that his forced could take the camp, even without having seen it for himself he was certain of this, but if it had been his wish to stop Ellana’s group, he could have let the mark kill her.

Sataren was one of those who had already joined his cause by then, Solas had not told him he had seen Ellana, nor had he told him what she meant to him. Sataren, like the others, believed he had stopped the Qunari invasion to spare the elves, and ultimately to weaken Tevinter’s position, both were reasonable assumptions and true to a degree. Solas had not told them he had wanted to intervene personally so he could see Ellana again, and save her. When the Inquisitor appeared at the Exalted Council with her arm missing, word had spread quickly, and his men had assumed Ellana simply lost her arm to the magic of the mark, as in fact most of the people in Thedas believed.

At the time, Solas’ orders to not attack the Inquisition had seemed reasonable, it would seem he thought the Inquisition too strong, and Ellana a mage too powerful to risk open combat for any of the people working with him. After the Inquisition disbanded, his order to not attack Ellana nor those working with her – at the time a small number – made sense, the alliances the Inquisition had made still seemed strong, and there were whispers that even the empress worked for them. But recently it had become more difficult to give reasons behind his standing orders. Most people here were too afraid to ask, or trusted him without doubt, Sataren was really the only one to doubt him, but he would follow him nonetheless.

 

The group was diverse, Sataren could see not just elves, but humans and even dwarves. Sataren had seen this before of course, but he still felt surprised by it; it was not his experience that elves in this time had positions of leadership, at least not over other races. The camp was already almost done, he thought, looking at the many tents set up and the few wooden structures still being built. The Dalish elves amongst the group seemed to be leading others in how to improve the camp, setting up places to wash, cook and how to hide the camp.

The former Inquisitor moved through the crowd, she was carrying wood to one of the structures still being assembled. Sataren idly wondered why she wouldn’t use her magic for that, especially considering how powerful she was rumoured to be as a mage. On her back she was carrying the staff Fen’harel had ordered Sataren to retrieve and have refinished. He still wasn’t sure why, and Fen’harel had not been pleased with his questions. It had to tie in with some plan he had for dealing with the Inquisitor, but Sataren did not know how, even to him Fen’harel spoke very little about his precise plans. _How powerful must she be?_ Sataren looked at the elf, she was small, as all elves were in this time, and moved through the camp greeting people, as if she was not their leader but just among friends. How powerful must she be, to make Fen’harel reconsider attacking her camp? Or was there something else, something Sataren had not seen and could not guess? He couldn’t help but feel curious, watching her, studying her, trying to figure her out. Nothing about this camp would pose any real challenge, it was large, yes, and filled with people willing to fight, but it had to be her that was stopping them from attacking.

Sataren shifted, so he could sit more comfortably in the tree, a simple spell hiding him. Normally he would let others do this, he was supposed to be overseeing this, he did not have to sit here, watching her himself, but after Fen’harel’s outburst earlier, he could not resist. True, Fen’harel had told him before to stop questioning him, but he had always been patient, his refusals had always been weighed responses, it was only this time he had reacted so impulsively, and with such anger. The only other time Fen’harel had been angry with Sataren was when he asked why the Inquisitor needed that specific staff. It didn’t scare Sataren as much as it would’ve the others, instead it had mainly fuelled his curiosity. And now he had to know what had caused Fen’harel’s reaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it might make sense if I make a post any time I say something in a chapter that might make you go 'why would she think that,' and explain where I'm getting the idea from. (I won't explain anything I've hinted so vaguely at that it could easily be interpreted in different ways, or I might change direction on.) So the post for this chapter is [here](http://dragonageinquisitionart.tumblr.com/post/139215412242/mythal-refused-to-help-solas-to-tear-down-the-veil) (nothing too drastic yet).  
> Feel free to ask me to clarify more or something else if you want or of course if you see something I got wrong.
> 
> About Sataren's name: as ancient/ very old (do modern elves have that?) elves tend to have names that mean something, I decided to go that route, his name is literally 'one mind' (Sa=one, Taren=mind), which could mean focused, or just stubborn.


	15. Chapter 15

It was nearly dark outside, and all around the camp mall lights were being lit, here in the inner circle of the camp were all the tents and small wooden buildings housing the refugees travelling with them. Ellana tried to find places to send them, but every day there were fewer and fewer places in Thedas where elves could truly be safe. The disappearances of elven servants and slaves had led to rumours of a coming uprising of the elves, which in turn fuelled more suspicion towards elves and that drove more elves away from the countries that, frankly, had most to fear from a possible uprising. Ellana felt the pressure as well, every day she felt the need to do more, work faster; this tentative peace could not last much longer.

Ellana let out an exasperated breath and let herself fall down on the bed, frustrated with her lack of progress on discovering what Solas’ plan was exactly, and finding an alternative. Ellana hadn’t spoken to Solas in over a month. There had been something different about the last time they met, she had felt a change between them. But then Cassandra had woken her up and since then every time she had been to the forest, it had looked different than it normally did, and Solas was never there to meet her. Ellana was certain Solas was avoiding seeing her, and part of her worried this would be like when he disappeared after fighting Corypheus, maybe he had sensed the change as well.

Maybe if Ellana focused more, tried to steer herself more, maybe she could reach him. She had found him in the Fade in Skyhold after all, without knowing what she was doing, just her desire to see him, that had been enough to guide her. Ellana imagined she should be more capable if she consciously sought him out, focused her mind.

Ellana got up from the bed, grabbed her pack, and started rummaged through it. There were few personal possessions she in the pack, and nothing reminded her of Solas. Frustrated, Ellana threw the pack in the corner of the room and briskly walked over to the other corner of the room. _It might work_ , Ellana thought to herself as she picked up her new staff and laid it down on the bed. Then she reached inside her vest and pulled out the note that had come with the staff. Maybe this was enough to increase her focus on Solas. Ellana wasn’t sure where she had gotten this idea, that things that reminded her of Solas would help her focus her mind on him when sleeping. In a way it made sense, if certain places could hold certain memories, couldn’t that be true of objects as well?

Ellana laid down on the bed next to the staff and note, slowly and meticulously she went through all the memories she had of Solas, trying not to get distracted by anything else, hoping to steer her dreams. It took her an hour to finally fall asleep.

 

For a moment Ellana thought she was back in the familiar forest, but this was different, not only did the forest look different, it _felt_ different. The trees were much taller than any trees she had ever seen and their leaves were very brightly coloured, a rainbow of colours decorating their branches. High above her, between the leaves, she could see the sky, but the sky was different as well, if Ellana had to name its colour, she would still say it was blue, but at the same time it wasn’t, it almost looked like the sky did in the crossroads, but at the same time it didn’t, it was as if it _felt_ like that sky, rather than look like it.

Ellana turned around her axe, trying to get her bearings, her eyes caught on an archway in the middle of the forest. It was just a stone archway, not part of anything bigger, but at the same time it didn’t look like a ruin, it looked like it had been placed there intentionally. Slowly Ellana approached it, despite its alien nature and the strange feeling that lingered there, Ellana felt safe – no safe wasn’t the word, she felt welcome, she felt like she was coming home – and so she stepped through it.

To Ellana, it felt like she had just stepped through the archway, but it soon became clear she had been transported out of the forest. Ellana gawked at the large white buildings towering above her, the building had many archways, along the top of the building gold leaf decorating the smaller arches there. The building, all the buildings, were breathtaking, but what amazed Ellana most was the fact that they were high in the air, she didn’t dare to get closer to the edge – a worry no one seemed to share with her – but even from here she could catch a glimpse of the ground far below this floating city. It seemed impossible, but Ellana began to suspect she knew where she was, or when at least. Keeping her eyes in front of her, Ellana moved away from the entrance and towards the busy courtyard.

The courtyard was vast, much larger than any she had seen, and beautifully decorated. It was busy, and Ellana felt anticipation wash over her. Ellana could feel it wasn’t her own emotion, but rather one attached to this memory she was in. The courtyard was filled with elves, and small stalls, they didn’t seem to be merchants, as Ellana saw people taking fruit and other food without paying for it.

There was magic everywhere, it looked like everyone here had magic abilities to some extent, Ellana almost didn’t notice it, as the spells were subtle, but now that she paid attention to it she saw one woman decorate her robes with flowers, with just a flick of her wrist, and a man floating across the courtyard as if carried by an invisible beast.

The centre of the courtyard was decorated with a gigantic mosaic, blue tiles made out of precious stones, and gold leaf formed an intricate pattern, but Ellana couldn’t make out what the image was. Around the courtyard she could see steps, leading up to the large buildings built around it. All the buildings had a similar style: large archways, and smaller ones, some with coloured glass panes, some with large billowing curtains, the buildings ended in colossal towers, their tops crowned with smaller ones covered in gold leaf. Everywhere there were plants growing, around the buildings, around the courtyard and there were large branches twined together to form the large dome ceiling above the courtyard, leaving enough space between the leaves to still allow the sun to reach the courtyard.

It was strange how this could all look so new to Ellana, and at the same time she felt like she was home, but more than that, she felt… she felt _whole_.

The elves were all talking, their enthusiasm growing, and their voices mingled together. Ellana couldn’t understand what they were saying – all of them spoke fluent Elvish in a way she had only heard it from Solas – but she felt that even though she knew she shouldn’t be able to make anything out besides a few words, she could still understand them, just as long as she let the understanding wash over her, instead of trying to pick out single words to translate. The voices all rang out clear and a calm washed over Ellana as she listened to the voices. It was difficult to describe but the closest Ellana had gotten to this feeling before in her life, was when she was travelling with her clan and they would all sing together, and all their voices would harmonize perfectly, this same feeling would always wash over her.

As Ellana slowly started to cross the courtyard she finally knew what had seemed so strange about the crowd – strange even by this new standard for normal – there were no children. Some elves looked younger than others, yes, but there were no children, no small ones, they were all grown, even the ones who looked the youngest were still clearly adults.

Ellana had no time to think about it any further, as she felt the air filling with a low, soft hum. Ellana felt it move through her body more than she could heard it, but it still seemed like the start of a song. The people around her clearly noticed it as well, and they spread out, clearing the centre of the courtyard. Ellana quickly moved to the edge as well, curious but also nervous, nervous but also exited, the feelings felt alien to her, as if they were apart from her, and she assumed they were part of the memory.

Two men appeared, they stepped out of… well, air, but Ellana assumed there was just another entrance there that she could not see. The men seemed to be discussing something, but they were both turned away from Ellana so it was difficult to tell. Ellana noticed both of them were very similarly dressed: both were wearing tan pants, decorated with golden embroidery, their feet were bare and neither of them was wearing a shirt, both had golden bands around their arms, but the designs differed.

Ellana moved along the edge of the courtyard, even though she realised this was a memory she was seeing, she felt worried about disturbing the other people. As she walked by them, she noticed they were all taller than her, the men and the women, and none of them bore the vallaslin. Ellana looked back at the two men, as she made her way towards them, around the clearing, she could finally make out their faces.

“Solas!” Ellana shrieked despite herself, she clasped her hand to her mouth as if she could retroactively stop herself from disturbing the peace, but no one had noticed, no one would of course.

Ellana froze on the spot, looking at the side of his face, he looked the same as she remembered him, except for his braided hair, and there was something else, his expression seemed... unguarded as he was laughing with the other man. But as Solas turned now, she saw what the light had obscured before: Solas bore Mythal’s vallaslin, the markings as light as hers had been, but unmistakable.

Ellana was stunned, her mind was racing, trying to understand what this meant. Assuming Solas had told her the truth in Crestwood, did that mean he was Mythal’s slave? Or did others wear them as well? Servants maybe? _What had Abelas been?_ Ellana noticed the other man bore the same vallaslin.

Ellana looked at Solas again, studied his behaviour, wondering whether she was looking at someone else after all, even if she knew his face far too well to truly believe that possibility. Then her eyes caught on something and the already slim possibility became impossible; this was clearly Solas and it made perfect sense why she had attracted this memory. There, on an elaborately decorated table, were two staffs, both of them much shorter than the ones commonly used, and she was almost certain that she recognised one of them. Ellana couldn’t help but draw closer to the table, already convinced of what she would see there. Lying on the table was _her_ staff, the familiar carving of a golden halla confirming it, the staff did looked slightly different, it had leather wrapped around the grip, and there was gold leaf on the staff, but it was clearly her staff.

Ellana was startled by an arm reaching past her for the other staff, Ellana jumped back. The man picked up the staff and twirled it around a few times, the staff was similar in design but bearing the carving of a fox, and covered in silver leaf. Solas also approached the table, Ellana’s eyes fixed on his face, wondering whether there was a way to reach him; this all felt so real it was difficult to accept she was just a passive witness. Solas picked up the staff and swung it above his head. Ellana could feel his excitement wash over her as Solas tried to one up the other man.

The two men looked at each other and smiled broadly, Solas gave the man a pat on the back and held out his arm as if to suggest they begin, and they both moved to centre of the clearing. Ellana quickly got to a spot from where she could witness whatever was going to happen. Two other elves approached Solas and the man, carrying leather bands. As one of the men approached Solas, Solas compliantly lifted his arms, and the man bound the leather band around Solas’ waist, then Solas placed his left arm behind his back and the man secured the arm to the leather band. The other man did the same to Solas’ opponent.

When the other men had cleared the courtyard, Solas raised his arm, staff in hand. “Garas elgar’falon, atish’all vir’haninuth, garas iras Mythal’enaste la dareth,” Solas said, making a show of it. **[“Come spiritfriend, enter the path to everlasting glory, be safe and come into Mythal’s favour and be safe.”]**

Ellana understood, even if she hardly caught any of the words, she could still feel their meaning, in the same way she could feel Solas’ aggression and keenness roaring now. Even though Ellana had never seen this ritual before, she knew this was a kind of sparring, like the soldiers did at Skyhold, but it was also a ritual of… _entrance_ to something, something she couldn’t understand because the concept was too alien to her. Ellana also knew the hands were tied because only the staff was to be used.

Solas’ opponent bowed his head, as did Solas, and then there was a strange hum to the air again. Solas attacked first, golden light striking at the other man’s chest. It didn’t look like magic normally did – in as far as there was a ‘normal’ where magic was concerned – and Ellana wondered whether this was just how magic looked in a place where the Fade was part of the world, or whether this was a special kind of magic specific for this sparring match.

The other man got knocked off his feet and Solas laughed heartily at the sight of flailing legs. “Elvarel!” he bellowed with joy. **[“Try harder!”]** The man scrambled to get back to his feet and the second he did he sent a spell flying at Solas’ legs. Solas spotted the spell and gracefully jumped out of the way, his legs spinning under him until he landed – effortlessly – back on the ground, staff already sending a new spell at the man’s head. The man bend backwards and missed the spell by a hair, the way he was standing now it should be impossible for him to keep his balance, but he did. The man charged at Solas, staff sending spell after spell, each being deflected by Solas. Solas sent silvery light speeding at the man’s legs, the man saw it in time and jumped out of the way, landing on his one free hand, pushing himself of the ground and landing back on his feet, it almost looked like he could fly. His staff had been knocked out of his hands, the man made it come flying back, with no discernible effort, and the moment it touched his hand he knocked Solas over with a ball of white light.

Solas looked heated now, no longer laughing or smiling as he had throughout the fight. He quickly got up and pushed himself off the ground with his left leg, his right leg kicking at the other man’s head, but just before the kick could make contact, the other man bend backwards, just in time, he landed on his hand and vaulted back onto his feet, his staff swinging in Solas’ direction, another ball of white light flying at him. Solas deflected it and sent one of his own spells hurling at the man. The man conjured something that looked like a shield built out of lightning, and the spell bounced back against the shield, hitting Solas instead. This time Solas looked furious, his movements still gracious as he wildly cast spell after spell, the shield dimming with every hit. Solas closed on the man now, his staff swinging wildly at the man, spell after spell, some even missing the target in his impatience to strike at the man.

And then, with a final ball of light, bigger than the shield itself was, the fight was over; the shield exploded and the ball of light hit the man square in the chest, he was knocked back and Ellana could see his nose, ears and even eyes started bleeding. The staff the man was carrying suddenly cast a barrier around him and Ellana could see the healing magic beginning. This was what her staff had done for her, it made sense that staffs made for friendly duelling would have some kind of safety mechanism to them, to prevent casualties or grave injuries.

Solas approached the man, who was already getting back up now. "Din ensalin vunin," Solas said, smirking, "ma felas, da'len." **[“No victory this day,"] ["you are slow, little one."]** The man grimaced, but whether that was because of his loss, or his wounds, Ellana wasn’t sure.

The two men who had fastened the leather belts now approached to remove them. “Athim,” the man helping Solas told him, it sounded like a warning almost. **[“Humility,”]** Solas nodded, but then turned his face away from the man so he wouldn’t see the grin spreading across Solas’ features.

Ellana approached Solas, she couldn’t help her curiosity, she studied his face, there was no doubt that was Mythal’s vallaslin, the very same Ellana herself had carried until Solas removed it from her face, but the way he moved and acted, he didn’t seem a slave or even servant, it all made little sense.

Solas was still carrying the staff as he made his way through the crowd. Ellana stayed close to him, looking at him, marvelling over how familiar yet strange he was to her now. He moved with the confidence he had tried to hide from her when they first met, but there was something else about him, he seemed carefree almost, and definitely happier than at Skyhold. Solas also seemed younger, she could feel it almost, but it wasn’t in the way Ellana thought of age.

As she followed Solas, keeping her eyes on him, Ellana wasn’t paying attention to where they were going, until suddenly the courtyard melted away and they were in the middle of a forest. Ellana barely had time to register that Solas had likely done this, either they’d walked through a door she hadn’t seen or Solas himself had this power. Ellana followed Solas to a small hill, but it wasn’t until they had rounded it that Ellana saw the entrance to some underground chamber. Solas gestured with his arms, and the door opened, the staff he was still carrying was carried inside by invisible hands. As some strange trade, a small object was now returned to Solas. He caught it in his hands and Ellana saw that it looked quite similar to the elven artefacts they had once used to strengthen the veil.

Solas moved his hand over the small object and it filled with magic, small flickering lights spread out from the centre of it, and surrounded Solas before traveling into the woods. Ellana had barely began to wonder what it was for, when she saw the lights start to reveal a hidden building. Solas headed towards the large building that had been revealed, it rose from the forest floor, taller than the white buildings in the floating city, grey stone decorated with golden mosaics, large towers rising above the main building. It reminded Ellana of the Temple of Mythal, even the statues were very similar. Surrounding the Temple were colossal crystal towers, they didn’t look like they had been built, rather it looked like the crystal had grown around and between the existing trees, or perhaps it were the trees who had grown to accommodate the crystal towers. Ellana was amazed when she recognised one of the large dragon statues. _I know where this is,_ Ellana thought to herself, she had seen it as a ruin on their way to camp, not the Temple, but the statue, that she had seen.

There was no one to be seen around the Temple, but Ellana could feel there were elves inside. Solas moved towards the Temple, unfased by the marvel of it all. “Who are you?” Ellana asked, more for herself than in hopes of getting a reply.

And she could not try to answer it for herself as, without any warning, the memory started melting away around her. Ellana looked at Solas, a he confidently walked towards the Temple, and she wondered how little she truly knew about him, and why she had ever believed herself capable of judging his motivations or changing his mind.

 

Ellana woke up, her back hurt because she had managed to roll on top of the staff and sleep like that. She couldn’t stop thinking about the Solas she had seen in the memory. How long ago was that? What had happened to his vallaslin? It was strange how despite now knowing more about him than she had before, she felt like she had known him better _before_ she had entered the memory. Perhaps because it reminded her of how little she knew about Solas. But how could that ever change? Solas had lived longer than Ellana could grasp, the things he must have seen, must have done, could she even understand him, if he was suddenly willing to tell her everything, or were there perspectives too inherently different?

Putting the staff and note away, he realised it shouldn’t surprise her that she ended up in that memory, her focus had been on the staff and Solas and it had led her to where her attention was most familiar. Even though it had been a mistake, she now had something to go on. The artefact he carried could reveal the hidden Temple, and maybe that could help, and it was close enough to ride out alone.

 

“Fenedhis,” Solas paced the floor of the library, or rather the small room he considered to be the library in this place. Outside the camp had quieted down, most people were sleeping by now, he had always slept less than the others, but tonight he might have to stay up until dawn.

Solas had been lying in bed a couple of hours earlier, when he had felt a familiar pull, it was Ellana, trying to call out to him. The fact that she could do that, she who had been just a mage and who’d had only a few years to practice her newfound skill, was impressive. Solas wondered again whether the anchor had left any residual power in Ellana, or whether it had simply triggered dormant abilities. T the very least, the anchor had permanently strengthened Ellana’s connection to the Fade. Solas found himself be glad for it, if only because that connection would give her a better chance, if it came to that.

The pull was still there, and Solas let out a frustrated sigh. Why had he not walked away back when things were just beginning? Solas had never expected to find someone like Ellana when he woke, and he certainly had never expected to feel so overwhelmed by his own emotions, so lacking in control over his own actions when he was around her.

It had begun as friendship, something that had been surprising enough to Solas, but he had quickly developed feelings for Ellana. Solas had tried to hide how he felt, tried to avoid her, but she always came to him, and she always asked him along on her expeditions, and then when Ellana had come to him in dreaming, in his admiration for her, and his confusion at all the rules she so easily broke, Solas had slipped up, revealed something, and Ellana had acted on it. _Kissed him._ He should have stopped it there, but it had been so long since someone had seen him as just himself and chosen _him_ , that when Ellana turned away from Solas, believing her affections to be unwanted, he couldn’t let her go, couldn’t let her believe he didn’t want her, and he had felt his resolve crumble. As it always did around her. As it did this night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some small things: I based Solas' characterisation in the past off banter between him and Blackwall. And I used da'len because, considering how Solas' uses it in "Measuring the Veil," it can be used to indicate you believe yourself someone's better.  
> Also, if you have questions about why I used a certain Elvish phrase or the translation of it, feel free. As far as I can tell Elvish is very much like Dutch (except not being a full language of course), in how it just smashes all the words together, so when I need to think of a new word or phrase I will sometimes combine words, and as such it can be difficult if you were looking for the translation of that word yourself.


	16. Chapter 16

“Can’t live without me, I see!”

“Yes, it is unbearable,” Ellana answered in a sardonic voice.          

The crystal flickered a little brighter when Dorian’s reply came, “such sarcasm, but I know you missed me really.”

Ellana laughed a little. She looked outside the window of the small cabin that had been built for her (despite her insistence that she would prefer a tent), the camp was in the middle of a forest, and even though all she could see were trees, beyond them she could imagine Tevinter looming over them, red stone towers crowned with black metal spikes, large black gates opening, Tevinter’s problems spreading over the rest of Thedas. Several times over the last year there had been rumours of Tevinter wanting to declare war on the south, due to their refusal to help Tevinter with the Qunari threat.

“Ellana?” Dorian’s voice called out. “My voice hasn’t lulled you to sleep, has it? I know they must be working you like one of your Fereldan workhorses, but –“

“I’m not Fereldan.”

“My apologies, I do get the southern countries confused.”

Ellana doubted that, and suspected he was doing it on purpose, but she let it go. “We’ve arrived in Tevinter, or just at the border.”

“I see… good, well, not _good_ so much as a terrible, _terrible_ idea,” Dorian fell quiet for a little while. “You set up camp where I said?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ve set up the barriers, the spells, I sent you?”

“Yes Dorian, please stop worrying.”

“I am not worried. I simply enjoy knowing that people are listening to me, as they should.”

“We’ll be all right,” Ellana said, ignoring Dorian’s diversion. “But that’s not why I contacted you,” Ellana said as she shifted on her bed. “I’ve come to realise something, and I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of this before, I think I’ve just been overwhelmed with information and I don’t have your talent for archiving,” Ellana said.

“Well then it’s a good thing that you’re the leader of the Inquisition, no wait, you decided to give that up,” Dorian teased.

“Yes, yes,” Ellana said.

“All right, I’ll stop teasing you, for now, tell me what you’ve discovered.”

“Remember when I helped Morrigan get her son back?”

“From Mythal? Yes, it seemed astonishing back then, meeting an actual elven god, that is until you started making a habit out of it, naturally.”

“I think that’s exactly why I have not realised this before, meeting Mythal was so overwhelming, it was all we discussed about that incident and I just think we missed the most important part,” Ellana placed the crystal on a pillow and laid down next to it. “We were in the Fade! And we just never discussed that.”

“I suppose the novelty wears off a tat, after you’ve accomplished that particular feat it a couple of times,” Dorian said.

“The thing is, Morrigan said it took enormous power to direct the eluvian to the Fade, so it must have been Mythal who did that.”

“Hmm,” Dorian’s voice came from the crystal, “that does make our journey to the Fade somewhat less extraordinary it seems. A shame, I was hoping to sell a first-hand account to Varric for his next book.”

“Dorian,” Ellana pleaded.

“All right, all right, why is this important?”

Ellana was surprised by the question, until she realised how little she had really said about her meeting with Solas, back when she discovered he was Fen’harel, she had told the others what she thought relevant, but how much had she left out? It had been such a horrible time for her, she hadn’t really considered everything he had said to her, at least not to the extent she should have.

“Solas told me that he would’ve used the anchor to enter the fade and tear down the veil,” Ellana said.

“Yes, I vaguely remember you saying he would have torn down the veil using the anchor, but I don’t remember you saying he had to enter the Fade first? Of course I was still trying to wrap my mind around the idea of the hobo apostate turning out to be the hobo god.”

“Solas said he needed to enter the Fade, yes,” Ellana answered the question.

“I see. Why is that important now?”

“Because Mythal could enter the Fade using the eluvians! Corypheus wanted the power of the well to enter the Fade, but I’ve seen Mythal enter the Fade herself, so _she_ had the power to do so. Solas didn’t need the orb, she could’ve let him in. It seems strange Mythal wouldn’t help him; they must have been close if her death made him banish the Evanuris. Even if he had not realised where she was before, at the very least he knew Mythal was alive after I met her, so why did she not help Solas enter the Fade?”

“You think Mythal disagreed with Solas’ plan,” Dorian concluded.

“That’s what it seems like, or maybe Mythal wanted to find another way,” Ellana resisted saying she felt much the same way, “but frustratingly, even if Mythal would be willing to help me to stop Solas, I have no idea how to contact her.”

“Solas has control over the Eluvians?” Dorian asked.

“Yes,” Ellana said.

“Then why is the sky still cheerily blue and not that horrid moss colour we saw in Redcliffe?”

“Exactly,” Ellana said, “either Mythal is still stopping Solas from entering the Fade, or he needed the orb for more than just entering the Fade. Solas said, back when he led us to Skyhold and he first told me of the orb, that those orbs channelled power, so clearly it would increase Solas power. Perhaps he still isn’t strong enough, or maybe he never was strong enough to tear down the veil without help?”

“He must have just loved that,” Dorian said. “If he does still need something to give him more power, or perhaps channel – focus – his power, it would have to be a relic from his time. I might be able to find some leads,” Dorian said.

“Good,” Ellana said. “And try to find something that will tell us how Mythal was able to enter the Fade. There must be some myths about it I don’t know about.”

“As you wish,” Dorian said.

“It always pays to have the rebellious archivist on your side,” Ellana said.

“Especially when the apostate hobo turns against you,” Dorian joked, but then realised what he had said, “I apologize, I know you still care for him.”

“It’s fine,” Ellana said.

“I will let you know if I discover anything,” Dorian said.

“Thank you.”

“Do take care of yourself,” Dorian said, “I would feel bad if after everything you end up getting killed in my homeland.”

“Same to you,” Ellana said, and she watched the slight glow of the crystal die down.

 

Even before she saw him, Ellana knew this night Solas would meet her again. How she knew, or how she knew he was there with her, she couldn’t say.

“My heart,” the familiar voice came from behind her. Ellana turned around to see Solas approach her.

“Solas,” Ellana said, smiling because she was genuinely happy to see him, enough to momentarily forget about the frustration and fear Solas had caused her by locking her out of his dreams for the past month.

Solas stopped just inches from her, Ellana watched him as he reached for her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “Solas?” Ellana asked unsure, as she felt Solas’ eyes studying her.

“I…” Solas’ eyes drifted between her eyes and her mouth. “I… want,” Solas said, his voice almost inaudible. Solas leaned in, wanting to kiss her, but Ellana’s words stopped him. “I saw something,” she said. Ellana had wanted to let him kiss her, but she knew that if she had, she would forget the question she had to ask.

Solas looked at her inquisitively, his hands slid down her arms, his right hand holding on to her hand. Solas patiently waited for Ellana to speak. If he had guessed that Ellana had seen Elvhenan in her dreams, he wasn’t showing it, it could however not come as a complete surprise to Solas that Ellana had seen what she had; he had given her the staff and if Ellana had figured out that objects – like places – could hold specific memories, Solas had to be aware of that fact as well. Which made her wonder, whether he had intended for her to see that specific memory.

“I saw… at least I _think_ I saw Elvhenan, as it was,” Ellana said. Solas’ eyebrows rose. “And you. I think I saw you there,” Ellana added. A quick smile flashed across Solas’ face, but he didn’t respond. Ellana bit her lip. “You were, your face… it bore Mythal’s vallaslin.” Solas still didn’t respond, instead he looked down at Ellana’s hand in his. Ellana pushed on, “that was you, wasn’t it?”

Solas squeezed Ellana’s hand, then met her eyes, “yes.” His hand reached for her face, his fingers briefly brushed against her forehead. “That was a long time ago.”

Ellana blinked, part of her had expected Solas to tell her she was wrong. “What you told me about the vallaslin, when you removed mine… was that true for you?”

Solas smiled warmly. “Are you asking me if I was a slave, vhenan?”

“Were you?”

Solas let go of her hand. “No,” Solas answered, but then seemed to consider something. “Like you, I _chose_ to bear Mythal’s vallaslin, but our choices are not always as informed as they should be.”

“But you got rid of it,” Ellana said.

“Some truths change the way we look at the world, and we change with it, “Solas said, “if we are willing to accept new ideas.”

“I see,” Ellana said, her hand subconsciously reaching for her missing vallaslin as she remembered how she her own thoughts about the vallaslin had changed when she had learned the true meaning behind the markings.

“What did you see of Elvhenan?” Solas asked, Ellana thought it might be his way of changing the subject, but he seemed genuinely curious.

“Not much, just some kind of ritual fight,” Ellana said, “at least, that’s what it looked like to me.”

“You are correct” Solas said, “they were rituals of passing, to prove yourself capable enough to serve.”

“I suspected as much,” Ellana said, “but what really amazed me was _where_ I was. I was in the air, the whole city was in the air. Or maybe it wasn’t a city, just a collection of buildings, I don’t really know how large it was, but it _floated_. You told me about floating palaces years ago, but to see it in reality...” Ellana shook her head, as if she still didn’t trust the experience to have been a genuine one. She was pacing across the forest floor now, gesturing with her arms as her description of the memory poured out of her. “And the way I reached the city, through a gateway or... It looked like an eluvian, but different, I couldn’t see any glass, it was just the frame it seemed,” Ellana was rattling now, not waiting for Solas to react.

Ellana hadn’t stopped thinking about the whole experience since she had woken up from that strange dream. She wanted to see it again, she wanted to see more of it, she – _missed_ it. It had looked exactly as Solas had once described it to her, and somehow it had still been so much more, _better_ , than she had imagined it to be. All the while realising that what Ellana had seen was no more than a glimpse of what the world had been.

“And the forest,” Ellana continued, “it looked different than the forests these days does, or it _felt_ different. I’m not sure… I can’t really describe it,” Ellana looked around the forest they were in now, it didn’t look like the forests of Thedas did, never had.

“I know, vhenan,” Solas said, smiling warmly.

“Of course,” Ellana laughed a little, “that was your world.”

“It would have been yours as well, once.”

Ellana wondered who she would have been in that world. Perhaps she would still have been a hunter, one with less responsibilities and more freedom in her choices.

“How did it feel, being there?” Solas asked.

“I’m not sure how to describe it,” Ellana said, kicking at some leaves, feeling frustrated with her inability to articulate what she had experienced. “It felt… _I_ felt… welcome, like I belonged,” Ellana was still struggling to put into words the effect the memory had had on her. “I felt connected, but most of all I felt like I was _more_ , as if some part of me that I hadn’t realised was missing, had been returned to me.”

“It is likely the feeling is diminished, when conveyed via imperfect memories – you are after all not feeling it, but rather experiencing the memory of a feeling – but I suspect that the sensation was at least comparable. The harmony you describe, that has been lost,” Solas looked pained. It was a look she had seen often, but now Ellana felt she understood that pain better than she did before.

“Do you recognise the forest?” Solas asked.

Ellana thought he meant the forest she had seen in the memory, but then she looked around her, and something struck her. Something she should have recognised on her own, really. “It’s here,” Ellana said, “this is the same forest.”

“It is,” Solas said.

“You chose this place then, for us to meet?”

“This place draws from both of us,” Solas said, “I may have chosen this forest, but it is influenced by your will as well as mine. It is more similar to its original form now, because you recognise its origins and shape your expectations of its appearance accordingly.”

Ellana nodded. “Still, why choose this place?”

Solas pursed his lips, as if he was considering whether to answer. “In truth, I wanted to show you Elvhenan, but I was unsure of your reaction.”

“You thought I wouldn’t want to see it?” Ellana asked surprised.

“Hardly,” Solas said, “but I… I never intended to find you here. When I did, I tried to only watch.”

“And now?” Ellana asked.

The forest around them slowly started to melt away, and large white buildings rose around them; within seconds Ellana found herself standing in a familiar courtyard. It was deserted and that strange feeling wasn’t present, but the rest was just like she had seen in the memory.

“I wish you could have seen it as it was,” Solas said, “but this will have to do.” Solas held out his hand to Ellana. Ellana looked around the courtyard and then at Solas again, and took his hand. Solas’ fingers tightened around Ellana’s hand as he led her across the courtyard. As Ellana looked at Solas, she saw his clothes change in front of her eyes, just as the environment had, Solas’ beige tunic turned a pale golden colour, the tunic was decorated with elaborate, green, embroidery, and had large, billowing sleeves. Solas also wore a long asymmetrical black cloak, decorated with silver embroidery along its edges. The clothes looked like nothing she had seen in the waking world.

Ellana and Solas reached the steps at the edge of the courtyard and Solas slowly led them up the steps, towards large, open doors. “Are we going inside?” Ellana asked. “Can we even do that, here?”

Solas chuckled, “naturally, you remember the first time we entered the Fade together, when we visited Haven?”

“You mean when you guided me there?”

Solas glanced at her over his shoulder. “I had to prevent you finding a memory I did not wish you to see.”

Ellana laughed a little. “I see, you were afraid I would discover who you were, somewhere in the memories attached to Skyhold.” Ellana looked around her, “and now? Did you really want to show me this place, or is this another diversion?”

“That is an excellent question,” Solas said, “but do you believe I would answer it truthfully if I were trying to divert your attention, if this were part of some deception?”

“I think you would try and avoid giving a definite answer, and instead let me assume some falsehood you could hide the truth behind.”

“An excellent strategy,” Solas said as he led her through the large doorway.

The interior of the building was as spectacular as its façade; the high domed ceiling was partially obscured by silky fabric hanging from it, branches were growing in here as well, intertwining with the pillars, with smaller branches reaching out across empty space, twisting together, forming new architecture covered in pink blossom. Giant murals covered most walls, while a large golden mosaic bearing the image of a halla covered one entire wall. The floor was a dark blue, reflecting tiny lights, or no, small lights shone from it, making it look like they were standing on the night’s sky.

“Did all Elvhenan truly look like this?” Ellana asked Solas.

Solas let out a bitter laugh, “no, there has always been a stark contrast between those with power and those forced to serve. However, this is what its cities looked like. For a time it is what I believed our entire empire to look like,” Solas looked around the vast space. “It is easy to be blind to the plight of those suffering below you.”

Ellana squeezed Solas’ hand before letting go to move across the vast expanse of the floor, spinning around every few feet, trying to see it all, remember it all. “It’s beautiful here, I’ve never seen anything like this before, in the waking world I mean.”

“Nor would you,” Solas said.

“What was this building?” Ellana asked.

“It was my home, once.”

Ellana was shocked. “This was your home?”

“For a time. I shared it with others,” Solas said, “but yes, this was my home.”

Ellana smiled.

Solas cocked his head, clearly wondering why she was smiling.

“You’ve kept so much about yourself from me,” Ellana said, “I am just surprised you would show me this.”

Solas looked… wounded, almost. It was difficult to tell what he was thinking. Ellana approached him, reached out with her hand to take his. “I just want to know you,” Ellana said apologetically. The words brought back an old fear that had recently grown stronger. “It’s just –“ she paused.

“What is it?” Solas asked, his other hand cupping her face.

Ellana shook her head, “I know almost nothing about you and when I saw the vallaslin on your face, well, it just reminded me that I know even less about you than I think. You’ve lived for so long, seen so much, and I hardly know anything about your life. Or you.”

“You know me better than anyone else in this world,” Solas said. “Knowing someone is more than having a concise list of their failures and victories.”

“True, but that’s not exactly what I meant, what about other experiences that have shaped you, made you who you are now? If elves were immortal before, how much must you have seen, I have no –“ Ellana stopped talking, she had seen something in Solas’ eyes, an odd reaction that flashed across his face. “What?” Ellana asked. Solas looked at their hands. In her mind, Ellana went over what she had just said to Solas, trying to discover what could’ve cause the controversy. And then the realisation hit her. “You’re still immortal,” she said, almost whispering even as the truth of it was to her.

Solas looked at her, “I am.”

Ellana blinked. “ _How_? I thought the veil caused elves to age and die?”

“Not directly,” Solas said, “our immortality is depended on our connection to the Fade, the loss of that connection is what caused us to begin aging.”

Ellana frowned, “and you didn’t know that would happen, when you created the veil?”

“No,” Solas clenched his jaw, “I underestimated how entwined our world truly was with the Fade. I believed we could built a live with a more restricted access to the Fade, but I was wrong.”

“Then why didn’t you try and fix it earlier? Corypheus can’t have been your first chance?”

“He was not,” Solas looked away, and Ellana caught what Solas’ eyes had rested on: a large mural of Mythal.

“She refused to help you, didn’t she?” Ellana asked.

Solas narrowed his eyes, but then let out a bitter laugh. “You are correct,” he said. “She wanted to find a better way, much like you, I suppose.”

“But that’s what you want as well, isn’t it?” Ellana asked, not as sure as she had been before.

Solas looked pained, hesitant, “she believed there was another way. I did not,” he looked at Ellana, “I’m still not sure there is a peaceful alternative.”

“Is that why you used Corypheus?”

“I woke only a year before meeting you,” Solas said, “that was not by choice.” He sighed, and fidgeted with the embroidered edge of his sleeve. “Raising the veil took more of me than I realised it would. I knew the price would be high, I knew it would take decades to regain my strength, but I had not expected to slumber for millennia. When I woke…” Solas’ voice trailed off. Ellana tried to imagine what it must have felt like, the shock of seeing the world, feeling like he had shaped its every mistake. “All I knew of the history of the world, I had seen from memories in the Fade. It was only when I woke that I saw the true extent of what I had done, what my actions had cost the elves. So much lost, so much destroyed. I had to act, but I wonder now if was too impulsive, if there had been another way, if I had only listened.”

“So listen now,” Ellana said.

“I am,” Solas said. “But I cannot wait, I cannot put all my plans on hold, for the fleeting hope of finding a better way.”

Ellana shook her head. “and what if that leaves me with too little time to find that solution?”

“Mir tel'ensalin, la ara ghilana elvhenan ensalin. Aval'mir, vhenan.” Solas reached out and stroke her cheek. **[“It is my failure, and I will restore our people. It is my journey, my heart.”]**

“I know,” Ellana said, “still I would hope you could grant me more time, considering…” Ellana looked at Solas, he lowered his eyes. “You’re still immortal,” she whispered to herself. Only now did the revelation slowly start to sink in. She shook her head as she felt a strange sensation tighten around her chest. “That’s why you could leave me so easily,” she eventually said, “we only knew each other for such a short time, and to you it must have felt like a fleeting moment, a single drop in an ocean of time.”

Solas’ eyes shot up, and fixed on her face, his hands reached for her face, and he pulled her in for a desperate, passionate kiss. Solas’ arm hooked around Ellana’s waist, pulling her in closer, as he leaned into the kiss. When Solas broke the kiss, he kept his arms around her body, trapping her close to him. Solas’ face was just inches from hers when he spoke, “emma vhenan’ara.” **[“you are my heart’s desire.”]**

Ellana looked up at Solas, she felt the sincerity behind his words.

“Then why can’t you give me more time?” Ellana asked.

Solas let go of her, shook his head, and took a step back, “Time is running out, vhenan” was all he said. Ellana knew pressing him would not give her any more answers.

They stood there, silent, until Solas spoke, “Come with me, there’s something I wish to show you.” Solas took her hand again and Ellana let him guide her towards the stairwell, a large iron spiral stairway. When they reached the top, Ellana could see that his floor was divided into rooms, Solas led Ellana to the room farthest from the stairwell. The room was round, spacious, and the walls were completely covered with elaborate murals. “This was where I slept,” Solas said.

Ellana looked at the decorated walls, “I’m not surprised.”

Solas chuckled, “I was not the only painter here.”

Solas guided Ellana to the large balcony. “This is what I wanted to show you.”.

Ellana almost gasped out loud; what she could see now had been previously obscured by the buildings. Ellana had never seen anything quite like the sight before her now. Beyond the railing of the balcony, hovering far above the hills and the forest below, was a giant waterfall, framed by blue vitriol rocks, where the water crashed on the rocks, it exploded, almost looking like fireworks, colours shot up in the air and rained down on the forest below them, some returned to the top of the waterfall. There was the faintest music coming from the spectacle. It was a cycle, a never-ending display of light, colour, and music. Around the rocks of the waterfall there were branches, all in bloom, purple flowers framing the waterfall.

“How did that –“ Ellana thought back to everything Solas had told her and the things she had read about the time of the ancient elves. “You created that, didn’t you?” she asked, the look on his face had given it away.

“Not by myself, but yes,” Solas said.

“Could everyone do this, back then?”

“Hardly. Everyone connected to the Fade had magical abilities, but not everyone was as talented – talented is not the right word, not everyone had enough willpower, could focus their minds to create.”

Ellana leant on the railing of the balcony, still looking at the waterfall. It was so beautiful, the idea that someone could create something like that… it didn’t compare to any of the abilities mages had these days. “I wonder what I could’ve made, if I had been born in that time.”

“I think you would be exceptionally skilled,” Solas said, leaning on the railing next to her. “I would love to see it.”

Ellana smiled. “I suppose I would as well, but it seems I’m doomed to try and impress you with my subpar skills. Maybe in another life.” Solas grimaced and Ellana felt there was something she was missing.

The balcony was very spacious, bigger even than those she had seen at the Winter Palace. The floor was a giant mosaic, the pattern appeared to be a large tree framed by a blue sky. There was a long, blue velvet, sofa on the balcony, Ellana moved to sit down on it. “It’s so… peaceful here,” she said, leaning back against the pillows, "quiet,” she closed her eyes for a moment. “I miss that. I used to love just setting out on my own, going off to hunt by myself. At first I hunted alone because the other hunters weren’t too pleased with me using magic to hunt, but later I chose to be alone.” Ellana sighed, “But that was years ago, ever since the conclave it feels like I’m never just by myself, there is always someone or something that needs my attention.”

Solas sat down next to Ellana, knowing she hadn’t meant to include him in her statement. Solas leant back against the pillows as well. “I came to sit out here often,” he said. “I was a much younger elf back when I lived here, much more excitable, but I loved the quiet of this place.”

Ellana pushed her hair behind her ear. Solas reached out and pulled her against him, draping his arm around her shoulders as she rested her head on his chest. Ellana closed her eyes and enjoyed the peaceful quiet of a moment alone.

“I miss you,” Ellana eventually said, “I miss seeing you, being able to just walk downstairs to talk to you.”

“Or _jumping_ downstairs,” Solas added, smirking.

“Yes yes,” Ellana swatted him. “You know what I mean.”

Solas took a deep breath. “I do.” He push a lock of her air behind her ear. “I miss it as well.”

“Then maybe, just for now, we can pretend we’re back there,” Ellana said, “tell me something about yourself.”

Solas was quiet for a little while, and Ellana wondered whether he was going to answer her. “What would you like to know?”

Ellana shifted her weight. “I don’t know… tell me about the village you grew up in, Leliana told me she found it, but it was a ruin. Unless you lied to her about where you were from of course.”

“I never lied,” Solas said.

“So you did grow up there?”

“In a sense.”

“That sounds ominous.”

Solas sighed. “I did grow up there, but not in the manner you imagine. I did not lie to Leliana, so much as I let her draw conclusions I knew she would come to unless I corrected her.”

“Sound familiar.”

“I’m sorry.” Solas stroked Ellana’s hair. “I could not have told you, without explaining things I suspect you would not have believed at the time.”

“Like?”

Solas took a deep breath. “Do you remember when Cole first joined the Inquisition? The discussion we had about his nature, what he was?”

“Yes, he was – well is – a spirit.”

“Who looked like a human boy.”

“Yes,” Ellana answered slowly, wondering where this was going.

“He took that shape to comfort the real Cole; the real Cole wanted to be whole again, but Cole could not do that, so he formed himself after who the real Cole wanted to be. I imagine that is the reason Cole, as we knew him, wasn’t a mage. It takes extraordinary focus to do what Cole did; I have not seen it myself, did not think to see it, since raising the veil.”

Ellana felt the small hairs on her arms stand up. “Since raising the veil?” she repeated, letting the word sink in, “you mean to say, that before that… that the ancient elves themselves were...” Ellana’s voice trailed off before saying what she now believed to be true. It seemed impossible, but Ellana remembered what she had read in the library, while travelling through the eluvians, at the time she had thought she mistook the meaning, but now she felt she had been right. Ellana looked up at Solas, waiting for him to confirm it.

“Yes, they were spirits who had taken physical form. Some never did, I for one never intended to; it is easier to travel deep into the Fade, and shape things there, if you’ve never taken physical form.” Solas waited, perhaps he thought Ellana would challenge his statement. “So you can understand why I did not want to take physical form, but Mythal asked me to come.”

Ellana sat upright and shook her head. “You were a spirit?” her voice was soft. Ellana thought back to Cole, the only spirit she had ever befriended, but even he had seem so… well, _different_ , from her. “But then why aren’t you more like Cole? More… I don’t know.”

“I understand what you mean,” Solas said. “It was different for me. Cole’s struggle to take shape was much harder, things were easier before the veil. Besides, I have been more connected to the waking world than Cole has. I also imagine that if Cole keeps his form, regularly returns to it, interacts more closely with people, that he would become… easier to understand for you. As I imagine he did, over the years he travelled with us.”

“Would that have happened faster if I pushed him to become more human? Would he be more like you now?”

“I suspect so.”

Ellana wondered whether she had done Cole a disservice by not allowing him that chance. She regretted that she could not see him now, ask him how he felt. “Did you take anyone’s shape, like Cole did?” Ellana asked, tentative fingers brushing Solas’ arm.

“No.”

Ellana’s fingers traced up his arm, then running her finger tips along the line of his jaw, his ears. “You feel… just like everyone else. Could you go back to what you were?”

“I believe so, but not with the veil in place,” Solas covered Ellana’s hand with his own. “Besides, I have no wish to.”

Ellana laughed suddenly. Solas looked at her inquisitively. “I’m sorry,” Ellana said, “I just realised I am touching your skin, saying it feels like mine, but we’re not even here, not physically. I’m not even truly touching you.”

Solas smiled. “Are you not? I’ve never considered these meetings less real.”

“I suppose,” Ellana said. “Why did she ask you to come?” Ellana asked, suddenly remembering what Solas had said.

Solas looked at Ellana and seemed to be considering whether he would answer her. “I was needed to win a war.”

“A war? You were a soldier?” Ellana asked, remembering old conversations she had caught between Solas and Blackwall during their travels.

“Yes, a very young and irresponsible one.”

Ellana stood up, and ran her hand through her hair. “I don’t know you at all, do I?”

Solas stood up and placed his hands on her shoulders. Ellana shook them off and said, “I wonder if I even understand you, if I could. You’ve lived so long, and the life you had, I can’t even begin to imagine…” Ellana let out an exasperate breath. “If I can’t understand what you’ve lost, how could I ever convince you to give it up?” She turned around to face him. “I can’t, can I? Convince you to not try and bring down the veil? All I can hope is to find some way to tear it down without destroying this world, or killing everyone in it.”

Solas clenched his jaw. He didn’t respond, but he didn’t have to, Ellana had already realised that whatever plan she came up with, would have to revolve around tearing the veil down, but in a safer way. If there even was such a thing. If this world and its people could even survive the one Solas had described to Ellana. But if she wanted to safe it, without having to kill Solas, she would have to find a way to tear down the veil while saving the people of this world. Solas would never agree to giving up on the elves. And after what she had seen these past days, she was starting to understand why he couldn’t.

“Is there anything else that is different about you, from me?” Ellana asked. “Something specific to your nature?”

Solas shook his head. “Not in the way you imagine. I took physical form, millennia ago, the things that are different about me, compared to you, are due to my connection to the Fade and my experiences.”

Ellana smiled and reached out for Solas, placing her hand on his chest. She looked up at his face. “It seems a wondrous thing that I would meet you. Even if...” Ellana grimaced, and lowered her eyes again. Solas lifted her chin so she would look at him. “Ma sa’lath,“ he kissed her, a brief, soft kiss. **[“My one love,”]** “I wish I could show you Elvhenan, show it to you as it truly was, you would understand.”

“I think I already do,” Ellana said, “but you’ve not spent enough time in this world to know its value. I know it can be a very unforgiving, cruel existence here, but that’s not all there is to it. Wouldn’t you rather preserve the good in this world than risk making things even worse?”

“You once told me we have to keep trying to make the world a better place,” Solas said.

“But not at the cost of everyone in it. Not while risking it all.”

“I can undo this mistake,” Solas said. “My mistake.”

“Fixing it won’t cure you of your guilt, Solas,” Ellana said.

“Maybe, but at least I will know I did everything I could. At least I will have spared countless others the suffering this world bestows on so many.”

Ellana bit her lip. “Solas, do you actually believe there is a way to tear down the veil without killing the people of this world? Or destroying it?”

Solas frowned. “I do,” he said after a sort pause. Ellana believed him. “And I believe you are the best hope for finding it.”

Ellana swallowed hard. “Is it wrong that a large part of me is only willing to take on this role, once again, just for the hope of bringing you back to me?” her voice was soft, as it was a confession tat ha been burning on the tip of her tongue. Ellana had never admitted it not even to herself, feeling ashamed, feeling she was betraying the people putting their trust in her. Ellana looked up at Solas, his expression softened as he looked at her now, and something spread across his face, an expression she hadn’t seen in years. Solas brushed a lock of hair out of her face. “Ar lath ma vhenan.”

Ellana pushed herself up on her toes to meet him in a kiss, her arm locking around his neck, half pulling him down, his mouth crashing into hers, his soft lips parting before she could will him to. Solas’ arms wrapped around Ellana’s waist, slightly lifting her as he pulled her in closer.

They both lost their balance, and Ellana let out a small shriek as they crashed on the sofa. Solas laughed a little, before meeting Ellana’s mouth again, lips pressing against hers, his tongue running along the inside of her upper lip. “Solas,” Ellana asked between gasping breaths, “why wouldn’t you… back in the Inquisition… was it because of what you are? Because you’re a…” she let out a frustrated breath. How was she supposed to ask this?

“No,” Solas answered, understanding what she needed to know. “I wanted you to know the truth first, I wanted you to choose me, knowing everything.”

“You truly doubted I would?”

“I did,” Solas frowned, “and I would not want you to feel like I tricked you into giving yourself to me,” his expression grew dark.

“What is it?” Ellana asked.

Solas moved to sit on the sofa, guiding Ellana’s hand so she would sit upright as well. Ellana cursed herself for saying anything. “There are already stories being told,” Solas said.

“What have you heard?” Ellana asked.

Solas shook his head. “I should not concern myself with these sort of things.”

“You can tell me anything.”

“I know, vhenan,” Solas smiled at her. He took a deep breath, “there is a story I’ve heard pass around, saying the Dread Wolf controlled the Inquisition by tricking the Inquisitor in becoming his lover.”

Ellana frowned, “I haven’t heard this story.”

“This is how it starts, the story will spread and eventually become another part of the myth of the Dread Wolf.”

“Why does this bother you so much? There are far worse stories told about Fen’harel.”

“I know,” Solas said, “but… this story taints _our_ story.”

“I don’t care, we know what we mean to each other.” Ellana leant her head against his shoulder.

They sat there for a while, both looking at the waterfall, or at least that was what Ellana believed. “Solas,” Ellana eventually broke the silence, “why did you have to lock the Fade away? Surely there are easier ways to lock up would-be gods, mages or no.”

Solas laughed a little.

“What?”

“Nothing, I just admire your curiosity.”

“But you’re not going to answer me?”

“I can’t, vhenan,” Solas said, stroking her hair. “Just know that there are parts of the Fade that should never have been breached, and that there were those that disagreed.” Solas abruptly stood up and held his hand out to Ellana. “I think it’s time to wake up,” he said to her, pulling her close so he could kiss her, and as he did, Ellana could feel the world around her dissipate as she started to wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The explanation post for this chapter, discussing why I made Solas a (former) spirit: http://dragonageinquisitionart.tumblr.com/post/140532090692/solas-nature


	17. Chapter 17

Ellana curled one leg under her as she tried to make herself as small as possible, sitting on the chair next to the giant crate that functioned as a desk. She felt utterly alone. She had woken up from a dream wherein she had learned more about the history of her people and Solas, than she had ever known before, things she now desperately wanted to discuss with someone, but no one here even knew she still saw Solas in her dreams. And she couldn’t tell anyone because they would hate her for lying or worse, see it as some kind of betrayal. _Would they truly be wrong in believing that?_ Ellana had never felt this isolated.

Solas was a spirit, or he had been one before? He had explained it to her and she still didn’t understand. How could she? What did it even mean? Was Solas like her now, or more like Cole? Ellana shook her head. Tears started rolling down her face, angrily she wiped them away. Why was she crying anyway? Was it the realisation that Solas was so different from Ellana, he could never truly see her as an equal? Or was it that she now felt she would never be able to fully understand him; that the revelation had put a giant wall between them.

It was no wonder Solas was willing to sacrifice so many just to get his own people back; how dull they must all seem to him, how utterly trivial their worries must be to him. Ellana got up from the chair. Her eyes fell on the papers covering the desk. _More obligations people had thrust on her. More things she could screw up. More decisions people could recent her for._ In one fluid motion, Ellana swiped all the papers off the desk.

She didn’t want any of it. Not the responsibilities, not the followers, not the titles. But she would never be able to be honest with any of them! “Imagine telling Cassandra I only stayed with this band of misfits in the hopes of saving Solas!” Ellana let out a bitter laugh. She had never hidden the fact that she was uncomfortable in the leader position they had forced her into. A Dalish elf forced to lead the Inquisition, what a farce! Next she’d be leading a new Exalted March on the last remnants of the Dalish! They didn’t even let her go defend her own clan when it was threatened, saying the leader of the Inquisition was ‘needed elsewhere.’ Solas was right, her title replaced her, she was no longer a woman, she was the Inquisitor. She was a symbol of hope, maybe, but above all she was a tool to be used by those wanting to shape the world! She kicked at the chair, which knocked against the crate before toppling over.

Ellana let herself fall on the bed. She let out a frustrated breath. History would forget her, like it had forgotten Ameridan. Ellana felt the tears start again. _Solas would forget her._ To him, her life must seem so very insignificant. A few years, a single flicker of light before dying away. Ellana sat up in the bed, bringing her knees to her face. Ellana felt so small, not the grown woman who’d helped save the world, she felt as she had after Crestwood. Except now she felt absolutely alone.

Suddenly Ellana could smell bread, fresh bread, the kind she had made with the Keeper. Humans didn’t make bread like that. She wondered if some of the elves in camp had baked it. There were quite a few families now in the camp, she had offered her small home to them, but they all refused, her position placing barriers where she wanted none. Ellana got up and walked down the stairs, intending to go out into the camp, looking for the bread. Already she felt a little better, the memories the smell brought up felt ancient, but she felt a little less alone.

“Aah!” Ellana almost toppled over.

The young man before her looked as he always did to her, though she suspected that he held that appearance for her as not to frighten her, any more than appearing out of thin air already did.

“Cole!” Ellana straightened herself. Now the initial shock was settling down, she felt like hugging the boy, so glad was she to see someone who would understand.

“Hello. You see me.”

“Yes,” Ellana narrowed her eyes, “because you let me, right?”

“You see me because I’m here. If I wasn’t here, you would not see me. But I am.”

Ellana smiled, “Puzzling as ever, Cole.”

“I’m glad you’re glad,” Cole answered. Ellana laughed, she understood what he meant, he was glad she was glad to see him. It was difficult at times, speaking with Cole, because he responded to what you felt, rather than what you said. That wouldn’t cause any difficulties were it not for the fact that a lot of the times it was difficult to know what exactly you were feeling.

“Did you come because I was upset, because you could sense me?”

“I can always feel you.”

“You can?” Ellana asked surprised, but then the truth dawned on her, “oh… you can feel pain.”

Suddenly Ellana felt a warmth wash over her, and her pain felt a little easier to carry. Ellana looked at Cole a little closer now, it had been a year and a half since she had last seen him. “You look… different.” It was difficult to describe what was different, he was the same, but she could see something else as well… a flicker of something new. “You’re… shimmering, you almost look like –“ Ellana stopped herself.

“Why are you embarrassed?”

“I was going to say a spirit,” Ellana laughed a little.

“I am a spirit.”

“I know Cole,” Ellana pursed her lips. “But I… I never seen that before.”

“You didn’t want to see. _He’s my friend, friends are real, solid, the same._ Now it’s different. You see, want to see, want to understand, want to believe.”

Ellana frowned, trying to understand what in her made him say that.

“Your pain,” Cole said. “It’s different now, _sharper_.”

Ellana felt tears stinging her eye;, someone recognising that in her meant more than she had anticipated. “And you came to help,” she smiled.

“I came because I could help.”

Ellana looked at Cole and remembered how surprised she had been, years ago, when Solas had told her he befriended spirits. She had never considered that a possibility, or even considered it, but here she was. Cole was different now, more spirit than when she had first met him, but he was still her friend.

“This isn’t a new hurt, Cole, and I don’t think you can actually help me, but I am glad to see you.”

“You miss Solas.”

“Yes.”

“More than before. You want the old Solas back. _An outsider like me, an us, real._ He’s different now, _more, unlike, unknown._ But you’re wrong, he’s what he has always been.”

“I know Cole, but I didn’t know before, what he is, I suspect you did, you probably always knew. But Solas only told me this night.”

“I know,” Cole answered, “I can feel his pain too.”

“ _His_ pain?” Ellana asked surprised.

“It’s harder, he tries to hide, but I see more now.”

“Because you’re more spirit now?”

“ _Afraid, wanting, willing her to see, but… will it make her stop.”_

Ellana looked at Cole, “Cole, why is it that Solas sounds… well, less like you and more like me?” She hoped that wasn’t a insensitive thing to say to a spirit.

“It doesn’t hurt,” Cole said. “He’s more, he’s from a time everything was more, no walls.”

Ellana wondered whether Cole had shown up because he could help her with this, tell her more about spirits. Whether they could even feel love. In the way she felt it.

“ _Ara lasa ma bellanaris._ He does.”

“Cole?”

“ _Wondering hurt, lost, can he feel like I feel, want like I want._ You’re afraid he can’t. But he does.”

“Thank you Cole.”

“But you’re still sad.”

Ellana sighed. “Yes, I don’t think you can fix that Cole.”

“I can’t,” Cole said, “but I can help a little.”

“You can,” Ellana said, still feeling that her pain was lessened by Cole’s presence. “How is it that you can ease the pain just by being here?”

“I help you carry it,” Cole said, “I could take it away, but I know you wouldn’t want me to.”

“No I don’t,” Ellana said. “What I want… I don’t think you could do that.”

“No,” Cole answered.

Ellana bit her lip, wondering whether she had the courage to ask him what she desperately wanted to know. “Cole, am I different now, without the mark?”

“ _Bright, blinding, hurting_ – then, gone… but you are the same.”

“Thank you,” Ellana said.

“ _His mark, part of his the old world, worried, questioning,… is that what he saw?_ It’s not why he loves you,” Cole answered before Ellana could even ask.

“Are you sure? Solas loves me because he thinks I am different from the rest of my people, but I am not, and I –“ Ellana shook her head.

“The mark made him look, _curious, surprise, respect,_ then… something unexpected… _admiration, friendship, love…_ The mark made him see you, but he loves you because of what was behind the mark.”

Ellana smiled. “Thank you, Cole. And I’m sorry…”

“For what?”

“I’m sorry I never really viewed you as you are.”

“You worry when you shouldn’t.”

“That’s certainly true,” Ellana laughed a little.

“You’re kind, loving, compassionate. You care.”

“Of course.”

“You let me stay,” Cole said.

“You helped us, we couldn’t have saved as many as we did in Haven without you.”

“You let me stay even though you were afraid.”

“I was never frightened of you,” Ellana said. Which was true, she would have been before, before her long talks with Solas had made her view spirits in a new light.

“You were afraid of others, afraid they would punish you for helping me, accuse you, drag you to a new circle.”

Ellana understood now, Cole was feeling how she had felt, back when she had said she wanted Cole to stay. Cassandra, Cullen, Vivienne, all people she had looked to for guidance and they had all seemed so angry about her decision to let Cole stay, it had been frightening. Ellana knew what happened to mages in human societies, and even though the circle had fallen, Ellana had still been scared. She feared they would say that she had made a deal with a demon by letting Cole stay. It wasn’t that she believed any of them hated mages, or didn’t respect her, but the circles were just how thing were done. It wouldn’t be a betrayal of her, so much as a return to normality. But Ellana had still not wanted to send Cole away.

“Thank you,” Ellana said. “And thank you for the bread; I am guessing the fresh bread suddenly being prepared wasn’t a coincidence?”

“ _Warm, sweet, kneading, watching it rise…_ home. You miss it. I just reminded one of the elves, one of them like you, of the fresh supplies brought to camp.”

Ellana smiled. “I do miss having you around, Cole, this camp could use some more ‘reminders.’”

“I’m needed more elsewhere.”

“I know, Cole, but I’ll speak to you again, right?”

“Probably,” Cole said and with that he disappeared again.

Before Ellana had time to process what Cole had told her, the small door of her cabin was thrown open. “Was that Cole?” Cassandra asked. “I thought I saw him, through the window.”

“Yes, but he’s gone now, you missed him. I’m sure you’re glad of it.” Ellana regretted her words almost immediately, Cassandra deserved better.

Cassandra looked surprised, “I have my reservations about Cole, but he’s shown himself to be a true ally.”

“I’m sorry Cassandra, I’m just…” Ellana took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you all right? You seem distraught.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pull myself together if Leliana finishes the planning and we have to ride out today.”

“I was asking as your friend,” Cassandra said.

Ellana looked at Cassandra, dressed in a light armour, holding one of the practice swords, her face filled with genuine concern. _Cassandra was the one they should’ve made Inquisitor._ She was already a Seeker, didn’t that make her far more qualified than a Dalish hunter?

“I will be,” Ellana said. “Was there something you needed, I assume you didn’t come here on the off chance to see Cole?”

“No, I did not,” Cassandra looked over her shoulder. “Varric arrived at the camp. I’m not entirely sure how he even knew where to find us, but he is here.”

“And you didn’t want to say hello?”

Cassandra pursed her lips. “Unless he comes to see me,” she said. “We have finally come to some kind of understanding, I would not risk that turning into hostility once more.”

Ellana laughed a little. “I’m sure he would be glad to see you again,” she said.

“Would he truly?” Cassandra asked, clearly sceptical.

“I really think he would,” Ellana said, as she and Cassandra moved between the many tents, heading for where Cassandra had seen Varric last. “But don’t worry, I won’t try and force a reunion on you.”

Ellana spotted the familiar sturdy frame of Varric, he was even wearing the same clothes he’d had on last time she saw him, back at the Winter Palace. Ellana turned to say something to Cassandra, but she had disappeared. Ellana shook her head and returned her attention to Varric. It was only now that she saw he wasn’t alone. Fenris, the strange elf who had joined them was speaking to him. Or to be more precise, Varric was speaking to Fenris.

“I had little choice,” Varric said to the surly looking elf, “you’ve been avoiding me and everyone else who cares about you for the last two years.”

“I do not need your pity, dwarf,” Fenris said, his arms locked in front of his chest.

“I’m not here out of pity, Broody,” Varric said. “I’m here as your friend, and because I’m fairly certain Hawke will come back to haunt me if I don’t take care of you. She promised me she would, if I didn’t look out for you. I think this counts as looking out for you.”

“That seems an idle threat, dwarf,” Fenris replied. “Hawke is gone, and she’s not– coming back.” Fenris was staring at the red band he wore around his wrist. Varric looked genuinely concerned – a look Ellana recognised from when it was directed at her – but he pressed on.

“And you think she’d want you to live your life mopping around?”

Fenris didn’t respond.

“You don’t have to be in mourning for the rest of your life. Go out, make some friends, get a hobby, find a new life.”

Fenris remained quiet.

Varric threw his hands up in the air and shook his head. “You’re not the only one who misses her, you know?”

Both Fenris and Varric now noticed Ellana’s slow approach and Varric turned to face her. “Shiny!” Despite the tense atmosphere, Varric greeted Ellana with exceptional cheer as always.

“That hardly applies anymore,” Ellana said, lifting her left arm.

“Yes, but any nickname connected to your arm a it is now will just sound like I am rubbing salt in the wound. But I’ll take some time to come up with a better one, I promise.”

Fenris abruptly turned around and left.

“I’m sorry I intruded,” Ellana said, feeling it was her presence that had driven Fenris to leave.

“Ah, leave him be,” Varric said. “I’m sure he’ll turn around. I’ll be playing Wicked Grace with him again before you know it.”

“You think so?” Ellana asked, watching as Fenris disappeared between the tents of the camp.

“I like to be optimistic,” Varric said, “ _stupidly optimistic_ ,” he muttered under his breath.

“So you’re friends with him, with Fenris?” Ellana asked.

“Yes, when he lets me at any rate.”

“He took Hawke’s death pretty hard then,” Ellana said, then, shaking her head, she added, “of course he did.”

“Hey, it isn’t your fault she chose to stay behind in the Fade.”

“Thank you, but it is. I know people want to make me feel better by telling me I wasn’t responsible, but I hate it when people don’t take responsibility for their actions, I won’t start doing the same thing now, just because it is easy.”

“As long as you don’t end up beating yourself up like Broody over there,” Varric pointed in the direction Fenris had left in, but the elf was long gone. “That won’t help anyone.”

“I’m surprised you found time in your busy schedule to come all the way to our camp.”

“Don’t remind me,” Varric rolled his eyes, “I had to tell Bran I was going to have my bath and then I had to climb out of the window to avoid being stopped.”

Ellana narrowed her eyes. “Is that really what happened?”

“No,” Varric said, “but it makes for a better story.”

Ellana nodded. “You came here just to check up on Fenris?”

“Yes, that elf makes it impossible to check up on him from a distance. Thankfully Nightingale let me know he had joined your little mission.”

“Leliana? I didn’t know you two were in contact.”

“Of course we are, someone has to keep their ears to the ground. You’ve lost most of the connections the Inquisition had, you need some allies with ties around Thedas.”

“I thought I had Josephine for that?”

“Ruffles can’t shoulder all that by herself,” Varric said, then, after some consideration, he added, “actually, she could, but as it turns out, I am really bad at closing my eyes and pretending nothing bad is happening to the world.”

“You’re worried?” Ellana asked.

“About Chuckles turning out to be an ancient elf-god intent on destroying the world? Yes, I am a little worried.” Varric shook his head. “ _Chuckles_ ,” Varric grumbled, “now what do I call him, ‘Wolfy’?”

“I’m sure he’d appreciate that.” Ellana leaned back against a collection of wooden crates.

“So, how are you holding up?” Varric asked.

“The constant tension is certainly helping,” Ellana said sarcastically. She looked around the camp. “It’s difficult to relax when your camped right next to Tevinter.”

“Don’t look at me, I’m told dwarves have it pretty good in the Imperium,” Varric said.

“Well maybe you should be the one to run around Tevinter looking for clues then.”

“I don’t know, Shiny, I heard you had a pretty good lead yourself.”

Ellana looked startled, but then realised he meant the memory she had seen. She had told Leliana about it, not including Solas’ presence. “Leliana told you then,” Ellana said, “yes, we have a lead. I believe she’s already close to completing the plan to get me there.”

“That one works fast.”

Ellana nodded, feeling slightly distracted by other worries. She took a deep breath. “Do you think he even wants to be here,” she said, “Fenris I mean.”

“Broody? Your guess is as good as mine. I think he wants to help slaves and possibly elves, maybe he thinks this is the best way to do so,” Varric said.

“You think that’s why he’s staying?” Ellana asked.

“Maybe.”

“He just seems, well, miserable.”

“He’s usually more fun than this, he’s even been known to make a joke or two, believe it or not,” Varric said.

“But Hawke’s death hit him hard.”

“As hard as you can expect when the one person you’ve let yourself love is killed.”

“I would’ve… ah, there’s no point in thinking about it,” Ellana said.

“I know you always want to save everyone,” Varric said, “but sometimes you have to make a choice. If I can understand that, you should too.”

“I just wish we didn’t have to leave Hawke behind in the Fade.”

“Leave her behind?” a deep voice came from behind them.

Ellana felt a shiver run down her spine, something about the tone of voice unnerved her. She slowly turned around to face Fenris, who was staring at her with dark eyes.

“You mean to say you’re not certain she’s dead?” Fenris asked tensely.

“The spider-demon we faced was too big, even for Hawke, it was the king of all spiders,” Varric said, but his tone became more serious when he saw the look on Fenris’ face. “Look, Broody, if I believed Hawke could still be kicking around in the Fade, alive, I would be the first person lining up for the expedition to find her. Hell, I’d be financing it.”

Fenris seemed to be considering what he had heard, he didn’t say anything, but there was a clear restrained anger visible in him from the way he stood there.

“I don’t think anyone could’ve fought that demon and survive,” Ellana added tentatively.

“And if she did?” Fenris asked, his voice too controlled to sound natural.

Ellana shook her head. “I almost hope she didn’t, to be honest,” Ellana looked at Varric, he wasn’t looking at her, and she could see in his face that he still felt guilty about Hawke as well. “If, by some miracle, Hawke did survive, she would be stuck in the Fade. There’s nothing there for people to live off, we _can’t_ live there, it would be a nightmare until finally she’d…” Ellana looked away, she didn’t need to see the pain she’d caused on either Fenris’ or Varric’s face.

“I see,” Fenris said.

An awkward silence fell on the group. Eventually Ellana felt she had to say something. “Fenris, I would have–”

“Ellana,” Andar called out as he joined the group. Ellana could see him look around the strange assembly, trying to figure out what was going on between the three people there.

“Yes?” Ellana prompted when Andar didn’t speak again.

“Ah, yes,” Andar’s eyes met hers. “Leliana, she would like to speak to you,” Andar looked at Varric and Fenris again, both of whom were hiding their faces. “I think it’s about that ruin you wanted to visit, either that or she wants better sleeping arrangements, I did hear her complaining about her tent earlier,” Andar smiled, but Ellana could see he was uncomfortable.

“I’ll see what she wants, then,” Ellana said, glancing at Varric and Fenris, “unless you need anything?” Varric turned to face her, his eyes redder than they had been before. “That’s all right, Shiny, I’ll come talk to you later, just give me a few moments with him,” Varric nodded at Fenris.

“All right, then,” Ellana said, glancing at Varric and Fenris one last time before leaving with Andar.

 

“Ellana,” Leliana greeted her as she entered the small wooden building that functioned as the war room. “I hear Varric is in the camp, let’s not tell Cassandra, I would enjoy seeing her reaction when she sees him in person.”

“Why am I not surprised you already know he’s here.”

Leliana smiled. “It is my job to know these things.”

“Well I will have to disappoint you, Cassandra already knows and she is already avoiding him.”

“Oh well, next time then,” Leliana said, still smiling.

Andar entered the building, “as promised, one Ellana Lavellan,” he said to Leliana, while gesturing at Ellana.

“Is this about the ruin? Have you planned the expedition?” Ellana asked Leliana.

“It is, yes,” Leliana said. “Lace has planned the best route, it should be relatively safe.”

Ellana narrowed her eyes, “what do you mean by relatively safe?”

Leliana laughed a little. “Safe by your standards, I’m sure you can handle whatever resistance you do encounter,” Leliana handed Ellana a simply drawn map. “I would advise you to take only a small party with you.”

“Don’t I always,” Ellana said. She turned to Andar, “would you be willing to come with me?”

“Yes, of course,” Andar seemed surprised.

“Good, I think we could use you, your Elvish is a lot stronger than mine is.”

“Elven,” Andar corrected her.

Ellana raised her eyebrows.

“It is Elven, not Elvish,” Andar clarified.

“I know,” Ellana said, “but in my clan we always called it Elvish,” she looked at Andar, “the only one who always used to correct me on using the alternate term, was Solas.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Andar said.

Ellana nodded, said goodbye to Leliana and left to find Varric again.

 

Varric was sitting on a crate outside her little home. “Varric?” Ellana asked.

“I’m waiting for Broody to come around,” Varric indicated that Fenris was inside, “but I think he needs more time. I should probably be leaving anyway.”

“Or, you could come with me to reminisce about the good old days. I’m setting out soon, and I thought maybe you would like to join me?”

Varric looked up, “I don’t think so, Shiny, I have to get back to Kirkwall. Bran is probably close to having a full-on heart attack by now.”

“I’m sure he has access to Kirkwall’s finest healers,” Ellana said.

“Kirkwall’s finest healer left the city years ago, actually,” Varric said. “I would love to go out and kill some people with you like the good old days, but I think the city might actually need my help more than you do.”

“I understand,” Ellana said.

“I know you do,” Varric said. “Do me a favour, will you, take the elf with you, I think he could do with a distraction. Or something to hit.”

“Sure, if you think he would be willing to come with me.”

“Yeah, he isn’t the type to let personal conflicts stop him from doing the right thing.”

“So I guess this is goodbye again?” Ellana felt more upset than she would have expected.

“Afraid so,” Varric pushed himself off the crate. “Maybe once you save the world again, you can come visit me in Kirkwall? The way things have been going for you so far, the world will have turned against you again by then, and you might need a place to lay low.”

Ellana smiled. “I will,” she said, “besides, I still want to try out the key you gave me, if only to see Bran’s face turn that angry red again.”

Varric chuckled. “You got it, you save the world, and we’ll play around with the chains in the harbour, I’ll even buy the drinks,” Varric slapped Ellana on the arm before leaving.

Ellana watched Varric disappear between the tents before heading into the house, doing what Varric asked was the least she could do. Maybe this was how she could finally repay the debt she owed to Hawke.

Fenris was standing near a small table, flipping through one of the books that were lying around the house. “Fenris?” Ellana approached him slowly. “I’m setting out for an expedition of sorts, and I was wondering whether you would like – whether you would be willing to come with me? If you prefer not to, I will understand of course.”

Fenris glanced at her over his shoulder. “Vera left without telling me,” he said. Ellana froze, amazed he would talk to her about Hawke. “I don’t suppose she told you that,” he was still holding the book, and Ellana could see his fingers tighten around it. “Vera left a note, she said she believed the Inquisition was the best chance to fix the hole in the sky, but she didn’t want me to follow.”

“Hawke was afraid you would get yourself killed, protecting her,” Ellana said softly, “I think she knew how dangerous it would be, maybe she even feared she wouldn’t–” Ellana sighed. “I don’t think she left without telling you because she didn’t trust you, she left because she cared too much about you to risk your life.”

“I know,” Fenris said, he put the book down. “I did not tell you this, so you could comfort me, I told you so you would understand why I am staying.”

“Oh,” Ellana said.

Fenris turned to face her. “I will come with you,” he said, “Vera believed you were the best chance this world had, she would have helped you now if she could, so I will in her stead,” Fenris said. Under his breath, so soft Ellana wasn’t even sure if she was meant to hear it, he added, “even if it seems empty now.”

“Thank you,” Ellana said, “we’ll be leaving soon, I’ll come get you when we do.” She left the home.

Ellana set out for the training yard Cassandra used most. It wasn’t very long before she could spot the Seeker sparring with one of the new recruits. The recruit was a young man who looked slightly intimidated as he kept his shield up while Cassandra tried to hit him with her practice sword. Cassandra was clearly holding back, but even so the recruit looked quite worried.

“Cassandra?” Ellana drew her attention and the recruit seemed relieved to be freed from the sparring session.

“Lavellan,” Cassandra approached her. “I hear I missed Varric,” Cassandra said.

“Yes,” Ellana said. “As you intended to.”

Cassandra cocked her head. “He did not come to greet me either,” Cassandra said. “I thought things between us had improved.”

Ellana was surprised, because it sounded like Cassandra was genuinely upset that Varric had not greeted her, even though she had avoided greeting him as well.

“I’m sure he would’ve come by if he’d had time,” Ellana said.

“Are you… _comforting_ me?” Cassandra asked, her eyes narrowing.

Ellana threw her hands up, “no, I wouldn’t dare.”

Cassandra still glowered at Ellana, but there was the faintest hint of a smile on her face.

“I came here to ask you something,” Ellana said, “I was hoping you would have time to come with me to the ruins.”

“The ones you saw in the Fade?”

“Yes,” Ellana looked at Cassandra, waiting for what was sure to follow.

“Are you sure it is wise to go there? What if it is was just a trick of the Fade?”

“Cassandra, and I appreciate your advice, but the object I saw, it was real and we need to find it. It revealed a temple, an elven temple that couldn’t be seen without it.”

“Is that why you believe it will help our efforts against Solas?” Cassandra asked.

Ellana swallowed hard, she could hardly tell Cassandra why she believed the temple was significant. How could she tell her she believed Solas was showing her what she needed to find a better way to tear down the veil? Cassandra would feel betrayed, and rightfully so.

“I believe we cannot hope to stop Solas from killing countless people in completing his plan, unless we understand more about the ancient elves. I believe this object and the temple it revealed will help us with that at least.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but Ellana felt like she was deceiving her friend nonetheless. Still, sometimes she had to do what she believed was right, without asking anyone’s permission.

“In that case, I am willing to help you find it,” Cassandra said. She put the practice sword down and crossed the training yard, to ready herself for the expedition, Ellana followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided Varric had to have a nickname for the Inquisitor, I couldn't find any 'official' nicknames, so I came up with 'Shiny,' referring to her mark of course.


	18. Chapter 18

“No, no, ‘tel’ is a negation,” Andar’s voice spoke from somewhere behind Ellana.

“ _Tel’abela_ s,” Fenris repeated the sentence, his pronunciation improving with each new attempt. “So it means ‘I am not sorry,’” Fenris said.

“Sometimes,” Andar said, “usually it just means you accept the apology, that it’s all right.”

“I see,” Fenris said, softly repeating the words one last time.

“Elven isn’t all that clear I’m afraid,” Andar said, “I still feel very inept, but often you can _feel_ what was meant, if that makes sense.”

“It does,” Fenris answered.

Despite the fact that Fenris had only been practising with Andar for the past few days, his Elvish – or Elven as he now also called it – was already nearing Ellana’s level. Ellana wasn’t sure how much of the language he had known before starting the lessons with Andar, but considering the improvement she had seen already, Fenris seemed to have a real talent for languages.

Cassandra was walking next to Ellana, she was studying the map Leliana had provided for them, every now and then she would grumble under her breath. “We are getting close now,” she said, pointing at something in the distance, Ellana couldn’t see what she meant.

The forest was different here, the trees were taller, there was less sunlight coming through the leaves and every now and then you could see something out of place, a strangely cut stone, or something shimmering between the leaves. Ellana was looking around the forest, trying to spot the small hill their men had recovered the object from, because that would mean they were near the temple. They wouldn’t be able to spot the temple, not without activating the object, but the small hill would tell them where to look.

“Ellana!” Andar caught up with Ellana and Cassandra. He put his arm on Ellana’s arm, stopping her, “look, there!”

Ellana followed his hand, expecting to see the small hill, instead she saw the smallest traces of green and gold cloth through the branches. _Aravels_ , Ellana thought to herself.

“Why would any Dalish clan risk traveling so close to the Tevinter border?” Ellana looked at Andar.

Andar shrugged. “Should we say hello?”

“I do not think we will need to make that decision,” Fenris said. Ellana followed Fenris’ gaze until she saw what he had already noticed: there in between the trees were three hunters, all of them had their bows at the ready. Ellana knew what that meant, and she automatically looked above her, seeing three other elves sitting on the branches, blades at the ready.

Ellana raised her hands, the others followed her lead. “Aneth ara,” Ellana greeted them. Technically they would have to greet her with the phrase, but she hoped it would make it clear she was one of the people. And not a threat. One of the three elves before her scoffed. Ellana glanced at Andar, hoping he would have some other greeting they could try, but he stayed quiet, and kept his eyes trained on the elves above them, his fingers twitching.

One of the elves dropped from the branches above them, Cassandra drew her sword and jumped in front of Ellana. Ellana reached for her, touching her shoulder, “Cassandra,” she tried to calm her friend. Reluctantly Cassandra put away her sword, but she didn’t move from her position.

“I’m sorry we startled you, we’re traveling through the forest, we weren’t looking for your clan,” Ellana said to the elf who’d dropped down from the branches.

The elf looked at her, then at Fenris, Andar and eventually Cassandra. He gestured with his head, indicating he wanted them to walk toward the Aravels in front of them. Cassandra looked ready to attack, but Ellana put her hand on Cassandra’s shoulder, prompting her to turn and face her. Ellana shook her head, “let’s just talk to them, please.” Cassandra let out a frustrated breath, but then conceded. Ellana looked at Andar and Fenris, but they both looked willing to go along with the elves.

All four of them were led into the camp and Ellana could hear some gasps, and a lot of low voices discussing their arrival. Suspicious eyes followed them as they were led to the middle of the camp. Slowly a circle of curious elves formed around them, until one of the elves stepped forward, by the clothes Ellana could see it was the Keeper of this clan.

“Lasa ghilan?” **[Give guidance.]**

“Your pronunciation of Elven is admirable, flat-ear, I did not realise the alienages taught it beyond ill-remembered phrases?”

 _Flat-ear_ , the derogatory term cut her deeper than it should, and Ellana didn’t understand why the Keeper would call her that… Then Ellana realised… her hand reached for her forehead, and once again she was reminded of how her relationship with Solas had put her apart from other Dalish elves. Ellana resisted the urge to immediately correct the keeper. Andar however spoke for her, “flat-ear? You don’t recognise who she is? She’s probably the most influential Dalish elf of our age!”

Ellana glared at Andar, she felt touched by his defence of her, but she also knew how easy it was to lose the trust of a clan.

“Influential?” the Keeper looked at Ellana’s clothes, then her blue eyes travelled to Ellana’s face, studying it, and then her arm, Ellana could see the realisation spread across the Keeper’s face. “You’re of clan Lavellan, you’re the Inquisitor.”

“No, I was, the Inquisition is gone, now I’m just…” Ellana’s voice trailed off as once again she wondered what she was now. Ellana had almost said she was just the First of clan Lavellan, but she didn’t think she still truly deserved that title. True, the clan had never officially replaced her, but she knew other mages in her clan had taken up the duty she was neglecting by always being away from  the clan.

“Even with the Inquisition disbanded, clan Lavellan is still the most influential clan,” Andar said. Ellana was surprised he would know that, any elf outside of an Dalish clan had no reason to know that. He was right, however, thanks to the Inquisition and Varric’s help, Ellana’s clan had grown to be the most powerful Dalish clan, however little that meant in a world where elves held no true power.

“I’m not here on behalf of my clan, hahren,” Ellana said, bowing her head slightly. “We are traveling through this forest, I had no idea there were even any Dalish clans around here,” Ellana said. She looked around the circle of elves who had gathered and wondered whether there were more elves in this clan. “I’m actually surprised to find _any_ Dalish elves around here.”

The Keeper studied Ellana’s face, as if trying to figure out whether she was being truthful. “I’m Keeper Ashta,” she eventually said. “This is clan Sheallen. We are also travelling through the forest,  but not to the same destination I think.”

“Why would you risk traveling this close to the Tevinter border?”

“These days it is hardly more threatening than any other place in Thedas,” the Keeper looked at Cassandra. “Shemlen are hunting us more vigorously than I have ever seen before, I’ve seen mages dragged away from their clans, put in the new circles, some clans have been left without a Keeper or a First.”

“That is not the practice of the Circle,” Cassandra said.

“Perhaps not before,” the Keeper said.

“Are you sure?” Ellana asked, realising what it would mean for a clan to lose both their Keeper and First.

“Yes,” Keeper Ashta answered, “it seems they are trying to disband clans without right-out slaughtering every elf belonging to it.”

“A clan without a Keeper or First… it wouldn’t last,” Andar said, more to himself than to the others.

“Precisely,” Keeper Ashta said.

“And you hope staying close to Tevinter will keep you safe?” Ellana asked incredulously.

“We’re hoping we will be safe deeper in the forest, this is one of the oldest forests in Thedas, perhaps it will hide us, for a time.”

“The Templars’ reach might not find you here, but what of slavers? Are you not afraid of their raids?” Fenris asked.

Keeper Ashta scoffed. “I am more worried about the slave armies,” she shook her head, “those dead red eyes, not something I would want to face.”

“Red eyes?” Cassandra asked, judging by her voice her mind went to the same place Ellana’s had.

“Yes,” Keeper Ashta said, “they feed their slaves something, it looks like Lyrium, but it’s like a sickness, infecting people.”

“We’ve come across it before,” Cassandra said.

“Then you understand,” Keeper Ashta said.

“Yes, but isn’t that more reason not to stay here?” Cassandra asked.

“This is not the only place they hunt elves to enslave them,” Keeper Ashta said, “but this is the place I believe we have the best chance at hiding.

“Hiding until what, every slave is freed and every slaver killed?” Fenris scoffed. “You will be hiding for all the years of this age and the next.”

Keeper Ashta seemed undeterred by his remark. “You are free to leave,” she said to Ellana.

Ellana bowed her head, “thank you.”

“Dareth Shiral,” the Keeper said.

 

“I did not feel they wanted me in their camp,” Cassandra said.

Ellana laughed a little, “that was actually the most friendly clan I have come across in a long while.”

“Truly?” Cassandra asked.

“Yes,” Ellana and Andar answered in chorus.

“I wish we could help them,” Ellana said, more to herself than anyone else. If she had not disbanded the Inquisition she would still have had the resources to help them, or any of the clans affected by the renewed efforts of the Circle.

“Do you think she spoke the truth, when she said Templars have been taking mages from Dalish clans?” Cassandra asked.

“Why not? There is a precedent,” Ellana answered.

“True, but I have never heard of their efforts being that…”

“Thorough?” Andar supplied.

Everyone kept quiet after that, it was an uneasy quiet that felt more like a truce. Ellana felt uneasy, being the only mage here, she was the only one who could truly understand what it was like to live with the threat of being dragged to the Circle. She would never understand why Vivienne had reinstated the Circle, but surely she was not aware of this, of Dalish elves being dragged away from their clans in the hopes of destroying those clans? Vivienne would never agree to that. Ellana wondered whether Vivienne would be willing to listen to her, if she brought these concerns to her personally. They had never gotten close, but there was mutual respect there and Vivienne had been understanding, and always kind. Vivienne had spoken to her when Ellana almost lost her clan, when Solas disappeared, Ellana couldn’t believe a woman like that would allow this to happen.

“There!” Ellana exclaimed when she spotted the hill. She rushed forward, as if afraid to lose sight of it again. The entrance was still open, the work of their agents, and it was tempting to go in, but they had to enter the temple first. There was a reason Solas had led her here, and she felt almost giddy with excitement, not just because it would strengthen their efforts, but because it was another chance to connect to the world she had now visited twice in her dreams.

“You are certain?” Cassandra asked, walking up to Ellana.

“Yes, absolutely!” Ellana turned on her heels. “The temple is somewhere… _in front of us_ ,” she pointed straight ahead.

“And this artefact will reveal it?” Cassandra asked as she took the strange object from her bag.

“It did so in the memory I saw,” Ellana said.

“What did the elf do with it?” Cassandra asked as she turned it around in her hands. Ellana had not told anyone it was Solas she had seen, she had just said ‘an elf’ had revealed the temple, using the object.

“Nothing really, it just reacted when it got close enough to the temple,” Ellana walked down the hill, in the direction of the temple. Cassandra followed closely, holding the object out in front of her as if it were some kind of weapon.

They approach something of a clearing, but nothing else indicated that they were close to a temple. Cassandra was concentrated on the task, Andar followed with curious eyes and Fenris kept his distance, with his eyes fixed on the object.

“It’s not doing anything,” Andar said after a while.

“I can see that,” Cassandra replied, slightly annoyed.

“I don’t know why not, I don’t remember him doing anything special with it. Maybe try holding it some other way?” Ellana suggested.

Cassandra let out a frustrated sigh, “in what ‘other’ way do you propose I should hold it then?” she raised an eyebrow. “There are only so many ways to hold a small object. Perhaps I should cradle it gently?”

“I don’t know what–” Ellana said.

“You try it then,” Cassandra  thrusts the object into Ellana’s hands.

“I don’t know what to do either, I just–” Ellana stopped mid-sentence, as the object suddenly started to glow, a strange pale green glow that reminded her of the mark. Andar approached, reaching out his hand to touch the object, but pausing mid-air. Cassandra looked amazed, and worried. Fenris had stopped in his tracks as well, a good distance from Ellana. Small lights started to drift from the object, encircling first Ellana, then Andar, followed by Cassandra and eventually Fenris.

“Are you certain this is–” Fenris said, looking at the lights drifting around him, but before he could finish his question, the air in front of them seemed to ripple, and with each new ripple the temple in front of them became more visible until finally it was as clear as the forest itself.

“That’s impressive,” Andar said, staring at the enormous temple that rose from the forest floor in front of them.

There were stairs leading to a small square, the stairs themselves were decorated with an elaborate mosaic, and when Ellana slowly approached the stairs, she noticed that if you stood in precisely the right spot, you could see the picture the mosaic formed: a city in the sky. The square itself was covered in tiles, some gold, some a pale green she hadn’t seen before. The square led up to another set of stairs, these too were covered in an elaborate mosaic. At the top of the stairs was the main building of the temple, it had large archways, most framing depictions of several gods, one leading to a giant wooden door.

The building was separated into three structures, the two smaller ones framed the main structure, their archways were much smaller and there were two rows of them, one above the other, the top row had large windows, the lower one had a mural painted below each archway.

Framing the entrance were two giant wolf statues, they looked like the dread wolf statues Ellana had seen around Thedas, but these were gold plated. On top of the temple was a giant statue of a woman with dragon wings, it looks similar to other statues of Mythal Ellana had seen, but more elaborated, and this one was gold plated as well.

“It is beautiful,” Cassandra said, slowly walking up the stairs and crossing the small square. “Was the Temple of Mythal like this?”

“It was similar,” Ellana said, turning on her heels to take in the sights around her. “This one looks bigger though.”

“It’s damaged,” Andar said, pointing at one of the side structures. It was this remark that made Ellana notice how well preserved this place was, it wasn’t a ruin, it didn’t even look run-down, it looked like people were still coming here, and she couldn’t help but wonder whether they would find elves inside, like they had at the Temple of Mythal, years earlier.

“But not by time, I think,” Fenris said. He had been quiet, as they made their way to the temple’s entrance, Ellana looked at him now and his previous caution seemed to be overwhelmed by genuine wonder.

“No, this looks like a battle took place. Trebuchets caused the damage I believe,” Cassandra said.

Ellana looked at the damage Andar had pointed out, and it did fit, she now noticed more damages to the temple, most very small, but all clearly done deliberately.

“There must have been a battle here,” Fenris said.

“Do you think the artefact reacted to your touch because of your blood?” Cassandra asked.

“Because I’m an elf?” Ellana replied. She turned the object over in her hand, the glow had disappeared and it was just a strange little thing, eerily like those elven artefacts Solas had had her chasing all over Thedas to help strengthen the veil. Considering he created the veil, he had to have created those artefacts as well, did that mean he had made this strange thing as well? “I’m not sure,” Ellana answered Cassandra. She couldn’t help but wonder whether the artefact had reacted to her because she had ones carried the Mythal’s vallaslin, maybe the temple only granted entrance to those elves who served her.

“Doesn’t really matter now, we found the temple, so that’s good,” Andar said, walking out in front of them.

“I suppose, but it would be wise to try and understand how it works, I think,” Cassandra said, following Andar.

Ellana started following them as well, but then noticed Fenris had stayed behind, she turned to face him. “Fenris?” she asked tentatively.

“There are many ruins in Tevinter, but I have never seen a place like this.”

“There aren’t many places like this left, I don’t think,” Ellana said.

“I wonder what it was like, to live here at the height of Elvhenan,” Fenris said.

“Wonderful,” Ellana said, feeling nostalgic over the memory of a dream. “It was our people’s home once. Maybe the last time we truly had one.”

“Our people?” Fenris asked surprised.

“Elves.”

“I know what you meant, I have simply not heard many Dalish elves refer to all elves as ‘their people.’”

Ellana laughed a little, the remark brought back memories of Solas. “I used to be like that, if I’m being honest, but spending a year with someone insisting I wasn’t an elf like he was, well, it made me realise how ridiculous it all was.”

Fenris seemed to consider her answer, before returning his attention to the temple in front of them. “We should move on,” Fenris said, nodding at Cassandra and Andar who had quite the lead on them by now.

“Yes,” Ellana said and they caught up with the other two members of their party.

All four of them approached the large doors, Ellana looked around, half-expecting to see a ritual similar to the ones she had seen at the Temple of Mythal. This temple was clearly dedicated to Mythal as well, but there didn’t seem to be any rituals here.

“Hopefully they forgot to lock the door,” Andar said as he rushed forward. Before anyone could object, Andar was pushing open one of the heavy doors, the progress was slow, but it was opening. Cassandra joined him and together they opened both doors.

They entered the hall together. It wasn’t lit, but the huge arched windows let in more than enough light, the light was reflected by the golden mosaics on the floor, walls and the golden statues guarding the way forward. The statues were placed in pairs: a large dragon and besides it a small wolf.

“Mythal and Fen’harel?” Fenris was standing in front one of the pairs.

“Yes,” Ellana said.

“Or Solas, as he was known to us,” Cassandra said, her voice barely containing her anger.

“Yes, I have heard about that,” Fenris said, Ellana could feel his eyes on her back. _Varric_ , she thought to herself.

“The way it is set up, he looks to be her servant,” Fenris said, “or guardian.”

“I did not know you were familiar with Elven culture,” Cassandra said, then, looking at Fenris’ very elvish features, she added, “ancient elven culture, I mean.”

“It is a common area of study in the Imperium,” Fenris said. “Besides, we all want to know where we came from.”

“He does look like Mythal’s guardian, doesn’t he?” Andar carefully touched the wolf statue. “I always assumed he was on equal footing with the rest of the Evanuris,” he said. “Not sure why, actually,” Andar added under his breath.

Ellana remained quiet, not sure if she could confirm their suspicions without telling them how she knew that they were right. Though she imagined Solas was more general than guardian. That is, if there was a clear distinction between the two titles.

The hallway led to another giant doorway, two large wooden doors, both covered in intricate carvings. Ellana approached the doors, signalling Cassandra to help her open them.

As they slowly pushed the doors open, the room beyond them became visible. Ellana almost gasped, it was beautiful, but it also reminded her of the rotunda Solas had spent all his time in Skyhold in. The room was round, much larger than the rotunda, much higher as well, but all the walls were covered in frescos, similar to the style in Skyhold. They all looked to be in perfect condition, whatever battle had been waged here, it had not reached this room.

“This is like it was in Skyhold,” Cassandra said, turning on her heels.

“The frescos? Yes,” Ellana answered, walking over to inspect one of them a little closer.

“It looks like a battle,” Andar said as he moved to stand next to Ellana.

“Yes, but which one?” Ellana looked at the fresco before her. It depicted elves, the first row all dressed in silver armour, the row behind them dressed in golden armours, and behind them more rows, all just depicted in black and white. The army seemed to be marching towards a mountain ridge.

In the next panel the army was smaller, there were only silver and white armours now. It looked like some of them were casting a spell together, it reminded Ellana of when they had used the mages to close the breach. Others in the picture were fighting with blades.

“Do you know what battle this was?” Cassandra asked.

“No,” Ellana answered honestly. Nothing Solas had told her would tell her which battle this was. The only battle he had mentioned was the war that had given the Evanuris the glory that would eventually lead to their status as gods. Was this that battle? Wouldn’t this temple have to have been built after Mythal gained status as a god? Or was this the story of how she became one?

The next panel showed the elves in silver armours opposite the elves in golden armours. It looked like a trail almost. The other elves were gone from the panel.

“Look at this,” Andar said, his voice reverberating through the empty space. Andar was across the room, looking at one of the other frescos.

Ellana crossed the room to see what he was looking at. In the middle of the fresco was a white city, around it was a blue circle that turned turquoise and then a deep green towards the edges. At the very edge there was a thick dark line, a small symbol was painted on it every few inches.

“ _Banalhan_ ,” Andar said. “That symbol, it’s the symbol for banalhan.”

“You’re sure?” Ellana asked.

“Yes,” Andar said, “I am.”

“What does that mean?” Cassandra asked impatiently.

“It’s either the word for the Blight, or the place where the Blight comes from,” Ellana said. She looked at the fresco again. It looked like the city, which she assumed represented the whole of Elvhenan, was threatened by the Blight. Or that they knew where it came from. Did this connect to Solas’ remarks about something coming he couldn’t stop? Had he truly meant the Blight? Ellana felt her blood run cold. Her clan had tried to avoid any places affected by the Blight, but she had still seen more of its effects than she would’ve liked.

“Does that mean the Blight was present in ancient Elvhenan?” Cassandra asked.

“Either that or they found the place it comes from,” Andar said.

“It comes from the corruption of the old gods, and that does not look like the deep roads,” Cassandra pointed at the thick black line.

“No, it does not,” Ellana said.

Ellana almost jumped out of her skin when she felt one of Andar’s hands on her shoulder. She turned to look at him and he nodded at Fenris. Fenris was looking at one of the small doorways in the room. “We are not alone,” he said.

“What did you see?” Ellana asked.

“I’m uncertain,” Fenris said.

“Was it an elf?” Ellana asked.

“Perhaps.”

“Do you think to find elves like you did at the Temple of Mythal?” Cassandra asked.

“I think we would have noticed them by now,” Ellana said, “we have entered the temple after all, but maybe if just one of them stayed behind?”

“We should see who it was,” Cassandra said.

“I agree,” Fenris said.

“Cassandra, come with me, you two stay close,” Ellana said as she moved towards the doorway.

The closer Ellana got to it, the stranger it seemed, there was no door, but the room beyond it was so darks you couldn’t see anything beyond the doorway. The air near it seemed to shimmer, just a little, like on a hot day, but there was something more to it, almost like… Ellana stepped through the doorway, the space beyond it had seemed dark, but now she found herself in a large room, light falling from large arched windows. She quickly looked behind her, but Cassandra had not come through the doorway with her. At one end of the room there seemed to be an altar of sorts, standing in front of it was an elf, he was wearing a familiar cloak, but the hood was down.

As Ellana started to approach the elf, he turned so she could see his face. It was a familiar face, though she had only seen it once before. He was still wearing Mythal’s vallaslin, more intricate than her own had been. There was recognition in his golden eyes as well.

“Abelas?”

He nodded in greeting, “Ellana.”

“Ellana? How do you know my–” Ellana stopped mid-sentence when she noticed Abelas was carrying the same kind of object she was carrying. “Where did you get that?” she asked. Ellana couldn’t imagine there being more ruins around here that had similar objects hidden away, and even if there were, Abelas wouldn’t have found it. Unless he had come across the object the same way she had, and Solas had given it to him.

“I imagine I acquired it the same way you did,” Abelas said, looking at her hand.

“Solas?”

“Fen’harel?” Abelas narrowed his eyes, maybe he was remembering the first time he had met Solas, trying to place the name. “Yes,” he said.

“You’ve seen him then, recently?” Ellana asked surprised. It seemed unlikely it was a coincidence she had arrived here at the same time as Abelas. But if Solas had meant for them to meet, what had he hoped would happen?

“I have,” Abelas said.

“But you’re here, not at his camp?” Ellana asked.

Abelas looked at the object in his hand. “I wanted to see what was left of the elves.”

“And you were disappointed I assume?”

Abelas looked up at Ellana’s face. “It was as I suspected,” he said. “But… there was more. A value to this world I did not expect to find.”

Ellana blinked, he seemed different from the last time she had seen him. In fact, he sounded more like Mythal had, when Ellana had met her in the Fade.

Abelas looked at Ellana. “You did not drink from the Vir’abelasan?”

“No, Morrigan – the witch who was with me – did,” Ellana said. “You seem surprised.”

“I have not often seen people refuse power that was offered to them.”

“I believed she could make better use of the power of the Well.”

Abelas frowned.

“Why are you here, looking for other elves from your time?” Ellana asked.

“Yes,” Abelas answered. “And for this,” he turned and he opened the altar in a way Ellana had never imagine it could open. He seemed to just put his hand right through the marble of the altar and pulled out a large book.

“But now you are here, I believe you can make better use of it,” Abelas handed the book to Ellana.

“Me? I’m not sure I could even read it.”

“You will find you can understand the words easier if you do not try to read them.”

“I’m not sure what that means,” Ellana said. She supposed it had to be similar to how spoken Elven was supposed to be understood by _feeling_ the meaning rather than hearing it. “Why are you giving this to me?”

“I am still Mythal’s servant, if she believed you could help reshape this world, then so should I.”

“You have seen Mythal then? How?”

“As you have,” Abelas said. “I was fortunate to see her before she died.”

“Died?”

“Yes.”

Ellana shook her head. “She can’t be… does that mean she will come back, like before?”

“If she does, it might be ages before she can.”

Ellana remembered what Solas had said about spirits, what it meant for them to die. He had said that if there was enough will and intention, it could reshape, was that what Mythal had done after she was murdered? Could she do it again? Was that why the Evanuris were so hard to kill Solas had had to lock them away?

“Abelas, did Solas send you here?”

“In a way. He gave me this,” Abelas showed her the object in his hand, it was identical to the one in her own hand.

“These things, do they reveal other places as well? Or just this temple?”

“They once did,” Abelas said, “but I cannot be certain how many of the places they once showed still remain.”

Ellana nodded, she looked at the book Abelas had given her. It was large, and bounded in a strange leather she didn’t recognise. The cover was decorated with golden ornaments and its leather was embossed with a flowery design. Ellana had never quite seen a book like it. “What is this book about?” she asked.

“Our history,” Abelas said, and it wasn’t lost on Ellana that he had said ‘our’ where once he had considered himself separate from the modern elves of Thedas.

“Where will you go now?” Ellana asked.

“I will keep searching,” Abelas said, “I cannot believe I have seen all that remains of our people. There must be more.”

“I feel I should warn you, the world is not a very kind place for our people these days. It could be dangerous.”

“I have seen that, but you are misguided if you believe it was not dangerous before,” Abelas said.

Ellana pursed her lips, Abelas was right, she had probably been romanticising the past lately. “If you tire of travelling, or want to be somewhere safe, you are welcome in our camp,” Ellana said.

Abelas raised his eyebrows, he seemed genuinely surprised at the invitation. “Until we meet again,” Abelas said and he disappeared through another doorway.

That doorway seemed as dark as the one Ellana had entered through, but she was somehow certain it would lead to another part of the temple.

Ellana went through the same doorway she had entered, and almost knocked over poor Andar who was waiting just on the other side. “Ellana!” he exclaimed, grabbing her arms as if to check she was real.

“Yes, yes,” Ellana said, pulling herself free.

“Where were you?” Andar asked.

“You went through the doorway, but we could not enter,” Cassandra said.

 “You were the only one who could enter, do you think your magical abilities are to thank?” Fenris asked.

“What? No,” Ellana held up the object, “I’m pretty sure this is some kind of key to hidden places.”

“You think it will reveal more than just this temple?” Fenris asked.

“Yes,” Ellana said, in her mind she was already deciding against telling them she had just seen Abelas, it would just lead to too many questions.

“You found a book?” Cassandra asked.

Ellana held out the book so everyone could see it, “it was on an altar in there.”

“What kind of book is it?” Andar asked, taking it from her.

“A history book I think,” Ellana said.

“It’s Elven,” Fenris said, looking at the symbol on the cover of the book.

“You know what that means?” Ellana asked surprised.

“No, but I recognise the writing.”

“Aval’var vhen,” Andar said, “it means ‘journey of our people.’”

Ellana blinked.

“I think I can translate enough of the book for it to be of use,” Andar said, running a finger along the spine of the book.

“You can?” Ellana asked amazed.

“You can read Elven as well, can’t you?” Andar asked.

“Yes, but very limited and only because I was my clan’s First,” Ellana said. It wasn’t usual for elves to be able to read Elven. Andar looked uncomfortable, and Ellana decided not to press the matter, she imagined that the loss of ones clan was not a pain that faded, no matter how many years it had been. “We’ll see what we can do with it back at camp,” Ellana said. “Let’s head back, we can come here again if the book doesn’t give us any answers, but I feel the book is the reason we were here.”

Ellana believed that, she believed Solas had sent her here to find the book. He had sent Abelas here to retrieve it for her, it seemed. Ellana wondered what had changed Abelas’ view of the world. It couldn’t be Solas, so perhaps it was Mythal. Ellana wondered what Mythal had told Abelas before she died, and if what she had said was the cause for the change she saw in him.

 

They had been walking in silence for the past few hours. Andar was looking through the book, tripping over his own feet while keeping his nose in the book. Cassandra was casually sharpening a small dagger, Ellana had never seen her use it, but it looked like the same kind of dagger Cassandra had given Ellana to protect herself in close combat. Fenris seemed lost in thought, hardly responding to anything around him, except to move around a loose branch blocking the path.

The silence was eventually broken when, from the corner of her eye, Ellana noticed a crow approaching. He flew right at them, getting closer and closer. Cassandra noticed the crow as well now, and she held out her arm so he could land. Cassandra took the message from his foot.

“Leliana?” Ellana asked, she tried to sound calm, but she already knew it was highly unlikely Leliana would have sent a message containing anything other than bad news.

“We have to go back immediately,” Cassandra said.

“What’s happening?”

“Leliana says the scouts have spotted an army headed for the camp,” Cassandra said.

“Most likely retribution for the alieanage you assisted,” Fenris said.

“How would they even know where our camp is?” Ellana asked.

“Maybe they followed us,” Andar said.

“It does not matter,” Cassandra said, “we have to get to the camp before those soldier do.”

“Surely they wouldn’t be able to find the camp, we have–”

 “Quiet,” Cassandra hissed, and she grabbed Ellana’s arm, dragging her into a crouching position. Ellana followed Cassandra’s gaze and in the distance she could see what Cassandra had already spotted, it was a small army marching through the forest, most of them were elves, and all of them were clearly infected with red lyrium.

Fenris came up next to Ellana, “it seems our Dalish friends were right,” he said. “They will probably be dead by morning.”

“Unless we help them,” Ellana whispered.

“There’s no time,” Cassandra said, Leliana’s note still crumpled in her hand.

“We can’t just let them be slaughtered!” Ellana said.

“But you would let your men be slaughtered, so you can help these elves you have only met once?” Fenris asked.

“I plan to let neither our camp, nor theirs be slaughtered, actually,” Ellana replied.

“We do not have the time to reach both camps in time to protect them,” Fenris said.

“Then we split up,” Ellana said.

“Lavellan, we cannot risk it, we have to protect the camp, our camp,” Cassandra said.

“And leave the Dalish to die?” Ellana asked, fire in her voice.

“Ellana,” Andar began, but Ellana waved his protest aside.

“Cassandra, you can go with Andar to the camp, me and Fenris will go help the Dalish camp.”

Cassandra glared, “this is the wrong decision, Lavellan.”

“No, it’s the right thing to do.”

“The right thing to do is making sure we can keep fighting,” Cassandra said.

“I don’t like it either, but Cassandra is right,” Andar said.

“The longer we stay here, discussing this plan, the more chance we will be too late,” Ellana stood up, “to help either camp.” The army had disappeared between the trees already.

“Lavellan, you–” Cassandra started.

“Cassandra,” Ellana warned. Cassandra listened, though clearly not happy with the situation. “Go, now.” Cassandra clenched her jaw, and looked like she was going to argue the decision again, but then abruptly turned and left in the direction of their camp. Andar looked at Ellana before leaving with Cassandra.

Ellana glanced at Fenris. “You have no objections?”

“There seems to be little point in discussing the matter any further, I have made it clear I think you are making the wrong decision, and you seem disinclined to listen.”

Ellana narrowed her eyes, wondering whether he was insulting her or just stating the truth. She would’ve preferred to have Andar with her, but with two warriors in their group, it seemed only logical to split them up, and she doubted Cassandra would’ve been so inclined to agree to disagree as Fenris seemed to be.

“Good, I think,” Ellana said and, gesturing for Fenris to follow, she rushed off towards the Dalish camp.


	19. Chapter 19

Sataren was sitting on the railing of the balcony. Solas had been surprised to find him in his home, but didn’t want to give Sataren the satisfaction of knowing it. Slowly Solas approached the balcony, already steeling himself for another discussion about Ellana.

Sataren noticed Solas’ approach, and looked at him over his shoulder. “Fen’harel,” Sataren bowed his head, a grin spreading on his face.

“Sataren, garas quenathra?” Solas said, stopping at the edge of the balcony. **[“why are you here?”]**

“Ar garas las ne emm’enansal, lethallin,” Sataren said, his broad smile baring his teeth. **[“I’ve come to give you my gift, my kin.”]**

Solas narrowed his eyes, he didn’t want to let Sataren challenge him like this, but he was curious, too curious to ignore the clear intent behind Sataren’s words. “Dirthera.” **[“Speak.”]**

The grin on Sataren’s face grew wider. “We will see now, whether Lavellan is as formidable as is readily believed by our men.”

“What did you do?” Solas hissed.

Sataren was still grinning. “You said we were not to confront her directly.”

Solas closed the space between them. “ _What did you do?”_ Solas asked, his voice controlled but barely audible.

“Nothing you should not have done already,” Sataren said, his expression suddenly serious. Before Solas could respond, Sataren pushed himself off the railing, landing on the ground below with a thud.

“Later,” Solas said under his breath, feeling anger boiling in his veins, but knowing there were other things to do first.

Solas was still dressed in his armour from the day’s expedition, he had felt tired, but now felt he could march to Ellana’s camp if need be. Of course he had much quicker ways of travelling across Thedas.

Bursting through the front door of his house, Solas couldn’t help but scan the crowd for Sataren’s face, he was nowhere to be seen of course, but Solas had no doubt Sataren would be present in Ellana’s camp; whatever ambush he had laid for her, Sataren would want to witness the chaos. Solas quickly crossed the camp to where the eluvian stood, it responded to his touch immediately and without further consideration of his plan, Solas stepped through it, ignoring the voices asking him why he was leaving the camp.

 

Andar felt lost in the midst of the chaos in the camp. He tried to make himself useful, calming the elves who could not fight, who were simply refugees, telling them they were still safe, even as he doubted his own words. Andar considered going after Ellana and Fenris, helping them save the Dalish camp, but he respected Ellana enough to listen to her; if she believed this camp needed his help he would stay.

Cassandra passed Andar, she was walking with Leliana, the both of them busy discussing what to do next, sometimes stopping to order idle soldiers hanging around the camp to do this or that task. Keeper Hawen was sitting with a group of elves, some of them had come from his alienage, but most had already been in the camp, Keeper Hawen had become a leader of sorts, probably due to people recognising him as a Keeper, which gave him a comforting status amongst the lost elves. He reminded Andar of his own Keeper, which made him avoid the man.

Andar spotted Cait giving a group of young soldiers orders, in their fear the soldiers looked even younger than they were. Es’len was standing next to Cait, but he didn’t seem to be paying attention, instead he was staring into the forest, waiting for the army to appear. Andar had seen the army, he and Cassandra had passed it while sneaking back into the camp. The army’s progression had been slow, they probably only had a general idea where to look for the camp, or perhaps the men were just apprehensive of this forest no one normally entered. The camp was protected by wards, but Andar had seen mages traveling with the army, Tevinter mages, which he had always been told were the most powerful mages in Thedas, who was to say they could not circumvent Dorian’s wards.

Andar’s eyes followed Es’len’s gaze to the forest, something moved through the trees, but it wasn’t the Tevinter army Andar expected. “Sataren?” Andar said under his breath. He watched Sataren enter the camp, apparently not fooled by any of the wards protecting the camp. Normally mages would lead people into the camp, of course Sataren had magic as well, but how did he know what to do?

Andar clenched his fists; Sataren showing up here, just as an army was about to descent on them, that was not a coincidence. Andar walked over to Sataren, not entirely certain what he could do, he had seen Sataren fight, a rogue with magical abilities, and a far stronger fighter than he was. “Sataren,” Andar called out.

Sataren turned to face him, for the briefest moment he looked surprised to see him there, but then his surprise was replaced by a wide grin. “Andar, I had wondered whether I would see you, we have missed you around the camp.”

“Why are you here?” Andar demanded. There had been a time he had almost – _almost_ – called Sataren a friend, but now he couldn’t feel any of the earlier familiarity.

Sataren cocked his head, “I suspect you already know, your anger seems unreasonable otherwise.”

“You told them where we are,” Andar stated, “that’s how that Tevinter army found us!” Despite his trepidations, Andar grabbed Sataren’s arm, a thousand options rushing through his mind, until Sataren spoke.

“Lethallin, Fen’harel din’sa harellan,” Sataren said, slowly loosening Andar’s grip on his arm. **[My kin, Fen’harel is not the only trickster.”]**

While the threat was implied rather than explicit, it  was clear what Sataren had meant; Andar was here under a false identity, if not false intentions. His deception had been a necessary one, but a part of Andar hoped Ellana would let him stay, even if she knew Andar was a former agent of Solas’, and things he had heard about her past seemed to support that idea. But Leliana wouldn’t, Cassandra wouldn’t… and Ellana wasn’t here right now. Leliana and Cassandra might not even listen to him, before casting him out, and to give himself up now could leave the camp more vulnerable.

Andar looked at Sataren’s face, clearly he expected Andar to stay quiet about his identity, to protect his own, and for now Andar felt he had to. “Why did you send them here? Fen’harel would never have given this order, we were always supposed to stay away from Ellana.”

“Ellana?” Sataren asked surprised.

“Did you do this on your own?” Andar asked, ignoring Sataren’s surprise.

Sataren pursed his lips, seemingly considering whether to answer Andar. “Have you never wondered why we were warned not to attack Lavellan? Yes, she is a powerful mage, and perhaps elves like you would need to be careful, but me? You cannot tell me you think I would not be able to fight her. And why were we told not to attack the camp, even as we knew where it was, even if alerting the nearest Tevinter city to their presence is so incredibly easy?”

“So you decided to ignore Fen’harel’s orders and plan an attack by yourself? For someone who claims to know the stories of Fen’harel better than me, you surely seem to be ignoring his history.”

Sataren smiled. “And you seem to be ignoring the way he has behaved these past years. I have seen him, on numerous occasions fail to act, or should I say fail to kill, when it would be optimal. You yourself being a prime example.”

Andar gritted his teeth. “You might become the _prime_ example to the contrary.” Before he could say anything else, Andar noticed that both Leliana and Cassandra were approaching them. Andar looked at Sataren, but it was impossible to predict whether he would reveal Andar’s identity, even if Andar kept quiet. But the worry was pointless, as Leliana and Cassandra walked right passed them, right up to the edge of the camp. Andar glanced at Sataren, not entirely comfortable leaving him on his own, but then followed the two women anyway.

Andar turned to Leliana and Cassandra. “What…” Andar’s voice trailed off when he spotted what they had already seen. There, between the trees, he saw what they had seen. You might miss it, but for the light reflected off large shields, and soon you could make out the men and women carrying large weapons, the army, marching right at the camp.

 

Solas made his way through the many tents, he had never been in Ellana’s camp before, but he kept his pace up, hoping to find Sataren before he could cause any more chaos. Solas had no idea what Sataren had done, and finding him was not his priority, but if he did see him, he would not neglect the opportunity.

The people in the camp had seemed uneasy before, but now a ripple of fear spread through them, scared whispers exchanged between them, fears passed from one group to the next. Solas moved through the people, following their reactions. It led him to the other side of the camp, where he spotted Cassandra and Leliana, and next to them Andar. Solas felt slightly surprised to see Andar had apparently been effortlessly accepted into even the highest ranks of the group, but perhaps his surprise was naïve, after all Solas had chosen Andar not only because he trusted him to do what he asked, but because he believed Andar could fit into Ellana’s group well enough to keep an eye on her from the inside.

Solas walked over to the edge of the camp as well, keeping a small distance between himself and those who knew him, even if he was certain none of them could recognise him as he was now. More and more people were gathering at the edge of the camp, just before the banner that indicated the border of the protection the wards gave them. It wasn’t long before Solas spotted the soldiers moving through the forest. Sataren had to be responsible for the army’s sudden appearance. Solas wondered where Sataren himself was, he had to be somewhere in the crowd, watching his plan unfold, but Solas could not spot him right now. It did not matter, the army demanded his attention now. If the soldiers attacked, what would Solas do? Should he help defend this camp? How could he explain that to his own men? How would he hide his true motivations?

Solas kept his eyes on the front row of soldiers, as they got closer to the camp’s borders, they were slowing down, looking around them, clearly unsure of what to do, but there was more to their expressions, in all their faces, Solas could clearly see fear. The closer they got to the camp, the more uneasy their steps, hesitating, looking at each other, and peering into the forest. They clearly could not see the camp, but if they got to the edge of the camp, would they be able to enter?

It wasn’t something Solas had to worry about for very long, the front row of soldiers – who were now scattered, having broken formation – stopped. They all peered into the camp without seeing, some had drawn their swords, others kept their shields firmly in front of them. The soldiers fidgeted, shuffling their feet. One of the soldiers in the rows behind the first one became impatient, and pushed forward, causing one soldier to stumble and almost fall. The look on the soldier’s face was one of pure terror, as if he almost had been cast into the abyss, he drew his sword and took a swing at the man who had pushed him, he did not manage to hit him, but rather than try again, the soldier dropped his sword and started running back into the forest, away from the camp.

Soon more soldiers followed him, some tried to stop the men running away, others tried approaching the camp, but none made it past the line the first soldier had run from. One for one the soldiers seemed to become terrified for their lives, and started running, some running right into the soldiers still standing in formation, some falling to the ground, while others tumbled over them.

When it became clear the chaos was dying down and all the soldiers were leaving, the people in the camp began to cheer. The relief was palpable as it washed over the crowd, carried by one cheering voice to the next. The celebration didn’t last long however, as an eerie silence fell over the crowd once more, starting from a little away from Solas. Even the people too far away to be able to tell what was happening moved towards the centre of this new silence, drawn to it. Solas started to push his way through the crowd as well.

Eventually he managed to see what the crowd was gathering around. There, moving through the camp, accompanied by a strange looking elf, was Ellana. She was covered in blood, and her face looked as tired as her movements were. The strange elf was covered in blood as well, he glanced at the crowd, looking resentful of their attention, before leaving Ellana’s side, moving through the crowd with remarkable ease, as all of the people gathered there parted for him.

Solas looked at Ellana, her long hair was caked in blood, some of it sticking to her skin, the rest hanging in a bloody mess around her face. She was carrying the staff he had given her, her fingers tightening around it as she tried to hide her discomfort from the onlookers.

Subconsciously Solas moved to meet her, his feet moving with the pull of an old habit, only realising when he was within arm’s reach, that he neither looked like himself, nor could approach her as himself. For a moment Solas found himself seriously considering revealing himself, regardless of the other people in the camp who might recognise him, either as himself or as Fen’harel, but the thought was cut short by the sudden appearance of Leliana and Cassandra.

The two women guided Ellana from the group, Solas looked at Ellana’s bloodied face as she was led away, before disappearing between the many tents of the camp. He was following them, before he had time to realise what he was doing.


	20. Chapter 20

“We have to go back,” Ellana said, freeing herself from Andar’s concerned hands. “There are survivors, we have to help them, they didn’t want to come back here, they…” Ellana shook her head. “They don’t trust us,” she almost whispered. Andar looked at her with concern, likely because she was covered in blood, but none of it was hers. Fenris had gone off on his own, disappeared between the tents as soon as they had reached their camp, leaving Ellana to face Cassandra and Leliana on her own. “We have to help them, maybe give them supplies or escort them to safer territory,” Ellana let out a bitter laugh, “ _safer territory_ , if that still exists.”

“We will,” Andar said, his hand reaching out for her again.

“We will not,” Cassandra said, “our priority must be to secure our own camp.”

Ellana looked at her, Cassandra’s fiery eyes clearly containing more anger than she was showing. “The camp is safe, you just told me Dorian’s wards held. They kept us hidden, _safe_. If you had come with me, we might have reached the Dalish camp in time as well!”

“Lavellan–” Cassandra started, Ellana could almost see the reprimand in Cassandra’s eyes, but she held her tongue, “that army is still out there. The wards may have kept us sae for now, but that does not mean they will not return. We have to act before they do.”

“And do what? Wipe out an entire army? You think we can?” Ellana gestured around the camp, a camp mainly populated by refugee elves. “Helping that Dalish clan is something we can do, some good we can accomplish.”

“We need to set our priorities,” Cassandra said, “I would help them if we could, but we need to protect our own camp above theirs.”

“Theirs is already destroyed,” Ellana said.

“We cannot save everyone in Thedas, but if we do not concentrate on our mission we will end up letting everyone in Thedas die.”

“I refuse to give up on my people,” Ellana said.

“And what about your men? Those who fight for you?” Cassandra said coldly, “Choosing which battles to fight is part of being a leader.”

“If you would like to accuse me of something, you should feel free to speak your mind.”

“And you would listen?” Cassandra huffed, throwing her hands in the air. “I watched you rush off to save those elves, even as our own camp came under threat! What if the wards had failed?”

“I hardly think victory would’ve been determined by two extra fighters, not in this camp at least. But the Dalish–”

“I have seen battles decided by less,” Cassandra said. “Besides, you are one of our strongest fighters, I believe that Fenris is as well. Besides, what do you think it would do to our men to see their leader missing from the field?”

“And what would it do to those we ask to join us if they see we fail to help those who most need our help?”

“Strengthening our forces, protecting our base, _is_ helping those who need our help most,” Cassandra let out an exasperated breath. “Lavellan, I do not like to give up on people either, but I know that you cannot win a war without sacrifice.”

“What would you know of sacrifice,” Ellana said venomously.

Cassandra’s eyes shot to Ellana’s arm, but that was not what Ellana had meant. “Never mind,” she shook her head. “Save your accusations for our next war meeting, Cassandra, I’m too tired to care right now. I did the right thing, maybe that is why I was made your leader, because military minds have sacrificed too much in this world. And the gains have never been worth it.” Ellana turned on her heel and marched to her cabin.

Ellana realised her words had been harsh and she was sure she’d regret them soon enough, but she was tired of this life forcing her to become someone she wasn’t. Cassandra should have been made leader of the Inquisition and leader of their resistance movement, Ellana was too involved, it were her people Solas was using against them, leaving Ellana to fight her own people and Solas. Cassandra was right, that was the worst part of it, she was right to reprimand Ellana for her decision to jeopardize their camp in hopes of saving the Dalish camp.

As soon as Ellana reached her bed she let herself fall on top of the freshly washed linens, and thankful for the cool sheet against her heated brow, Ellana drifted asleep.

 

Solas had watched the argument between Cassandra and Ellana, he knew he should leave, even if neither of them could recognise him as he was now, but in truth he had missed seeing Ellana outside of the Fade, maybe because he knew the difference was so important to her, or maybe because he had started valuing life outside of the fade more since meeting her.

Solas had watched as Ellana had marched off to her cabin, after cutting short her discussion with the Seeker. She hadn’t remerged and part of him fantasized about going in there, after her, revealing his identity and being alone with her, but he stayed outside.

It was the middle of the night before the cabin door opened again, and a slightly dishevelled looking Ellana emerged. She quickly made her way through the now mainly deserted camp. Solas followed without thought. Would he risk speaking to her? Speak to her as if he were a stranger? Just to hear her voice for a little while, see her eyes focused on him?

Ellana’s brisk walk took her to the campfire, Solas followed, now determined to talk to her, the quiet in the camp giving him the confidence to do so, but then he spotted a figure at the campfire. Solas froze. He idly wondered whether Ellana had set out to talk to the elf he saw sitting by the fire. Again Solas felt he should leave, but instead he just kept back a little, watching Ellana from a distance.

 

“Oh great,” Ellana said under her breath as she approached the campfire, spotting Fenris sitting on a blanket, holding a bottle of wine. She considered turning back, but he had already spotted her. _I’ll just walk past him, nod if he looks at me, and then slip past him and head back to my cabin,_ Ellana thought to herself, keeping her head down, as if that could hide her.

“Cleared your head? Or your conscious?” Fenris asked as Ellana passed him.

Ellana froze, considered to just keep walking, but the remark had hit a nerve with her. “ _My conscious_?” she asked, turning to Fenris, straightening herself. “Is there a need to? Simply because I didn’t feel like sacrificing an entire clan?”

Fenris raised an eyebrow at her. “You do not feel guilty then?”

“I have no reason to feel guilty, I tried to do the right thing, that it didn’t work out… I take responsibility for my decision, but I have no reason to feel guilty.”

“That does not mean you do not feel guilty,” Fenris said.

Ellana gritted her teeth. He was right, of course. “I suppose you would have done differently?”

“I think I made that clear,” Fenris said, “but it wasn’t my decision to make.”

“No, it’s always _my_ decision to make, always _my_ guilt to carry,” Ellana shook her head. “You don’t understand, I couldn’t let them die, the clan, it reminded me of my own clan. It reminded me of my home. I am so tired of having to choose between two bad choices, hoping to fix what’s wrong, always ending up with new problems. I just wanted to protect them. You wouldn’t understand.”

“I might,” Fenris said, taking a drink from the wine.

“I thought you disliked the Dalish?”

“Not all of them, only the ones intent on disliking me,” Fenris said, “but I can understand wanting to protect your home.”

Ellana sighed and sat down next to Fenris. “I almost lost my clan once, I might still lose them, I just wanted to save that clan, while I’m here and unable to protect my own.”

“You saved some of them,” Fenris said.

“Are you trying to make me feel better?”

Fenris raised his eyebrows. “I stated a fact, if the truth comforts you, that is not my doing.”

“It doesn’t comfort me actually, but I suppose I should take my victories where I find them.”

Fenris bowed his head and took another drink from the wine bottle. Ellana stared at the fire, its heat was comforting. The few Dalish survivors had been given beds in one of the few finished buildings of the camp. Ellana had saved a few, where otherwise everyone would’ve perished, but the truth was, she could have saved them all, she could have saved their home.

Ellana looked at Fenris, who was studying the wine bottle in his hands. “You know, you could go back to Kirkwall. I am sure Varric would welcome you into his home if you have nowhere to stay.”

“I have a house there.”

“You do?” Ellana asked.

“That surprises you?”

“Elves owning property in human cities, yes, it surprises me.”

“I am told you own an estate in the city as well.”

“Yes but that was gifted to me by Varric.”

Fenris clenched his jaw. “My house was a gift as well, of sorts.”

“Oh, from whom? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Vera… _Hawke_ , she left it to me in her will, or so I am told.”

“Ah,” Ellana said, feeling uncomfortable, “I suppose she would.”

“I don’t know why, she couldn’t have possibly believed I would consent to living there without her.”

“I think she just wanted you to have a home, I imagine, as a former slave, you’ve not had that in your life.”

Fenris took another big gulp of wine. “Kirkwall was not my home, she was.”

Ellana sighed. “I understand, better than you imagine I do, but you have friends there. People who care about you, it won’t repair what’s broken, but it can make it easier.”

“What would you know?” Fenris took another gulp. “I do not need to be reminded of her loss in a dozen different faces, I carry it with me every day.”

“As do they, I imagine.”

Fenris glanced at Ellana, “you seem insistent on our relationship being an antagonistic one,” he said.

Ellana laughed a little. “And how would that differ from what it is now, exactly?” she raised an eyebrow.

A small smirk appeared on Fenris’ face, for just a moment, then he took another gulp before handing her the bottle. “I might return, one day,” he said. Fenris got to his feet.

“If you’re waiting for the day it will hurt less,” Ellana said, taking a gulp of wine, “I have to tell you, I don’t think it will come. Some hurts won’t let themselves be diminished.” She handed the bottle back to Fenris.

“Then it is a good thing I will have this hopeless cause to distract me,” Fenris said and he almost smiled as he turned and left.

Ellana looked at the campfire, enjoying its heat against her face. Tomorrow she would have to face the others, but right now, in the stillness of the night, she was finally free of responsibilities.

Ellana sat there in silence for a little while, enjoying the solitude, but then she spotted a figure from the corner of her eye. It was a tall elf she had never seen before, or did not remember seeing anywhere around the camp, he was wearing a large cloak, the shadow of its hood almost hiding his eyes.

“Care if I join you?” the elf asked.

Ellana was taken aback; she wasn’t used to people in the camp addressing her so casually at least not unless they knew her, she always assumed it was her status as the former Inquisitor that was to blame.

“No, go ahead, there’s fire enough for the both of us,” she said.

The elf chuckled. Ellana looked at his face, something about the sound of his laugh seemed familiar, perhaps she had seen him around camp after all.

They sat next to each other in silence for a while, but strangely enough Ellana didn’t feel uncomfortable around the stranger. Sometimes she would glance at him, just briefly. There was something about the way he sat there, his posture, the way he moved his hands, it all seemed… familiar.

“I heard you arguing with the Seeker,” the stranger suddenly said.

“I’m sorry?”

“Earlier, in the afternoon, I saw you arguing with Cassandra,” the stranger said.

“Well, even the best of friends have disagreements at times.”

“Am I to assume it has to do with Dalish refugees I’ve seen arriving this day?”

“That’s very perceptive of you,” Ellana said, slightly annoyed someone she didn’t know would bring this up, but at the same time part of her felt thankful for having the change to discuss this with someone. Ellana took a deep breath. “Let’s just say when more than one person leads an organisation, the priorities often shift.”

“And your priority was to help the Dalish?” the stranger asked.

Ellana looked at his face, she saw no vallaslin, but his demeanour made her doubt he was a city elf. “My priority was to help those who need protecting the most.” Ellana shook her head. “That should be everyone’s priority.”

“And for the Seeker?”

“There was a choice to be made, and she thinks I made the wrong one,” Ellana said.

“What choice?”

Ellana bit her lip, wondering whether she should tell him or not. “The choice between protecting the camp or protecting the Dalish camp.”

“You chose them over your own camp?”

Ellana scowled at the stranger. “I chose to aid those who most need it. If this camp is attacked, there are many warriors and talented mages here to protect it, a small Dalish clan is far weaker,” she said, “besides, I sent Andar and Cassandra, two of the best fighters I’ve ever met, the camp would have been fine even if that slave army had attacked. It was the Dalish camp that suffered because of my reluctance to choose.”

“You are certain of that?”

“No one can be certain of anything. What I know is that I need to live by a code, I have to believe I am a good person, even above being a good leader. Helping the Dalish might have been ‘strategically wrong, ‘but it was morally right.”

“I don’t think a leader can afford to make that distintion. You will have to sacrifice many things before this fight is over.”

Ellana’s eyes locked on his, “I have sacrificed enough to this cause, trust me, you do not need to doubt my willingness to sacrifice. I’m simply not willing to sacrifice _others_.”

The stranger cocked his head, “from what I am told you might have to sacrifice your lover. What will you do when that day comes?”

“ _My_ … what? How dare you,” Ellana stood up.

“I apologize,” the stranger said, “I should not have mentioned it.”

“No you shouldn’t have.”

“I’ve just heard things and I wonder how committed you are to do what is necessary.”

“I’m not sure what you’ve heard, but if you’re suggesting I will give up this fight because I might come face to face with someone I love…”

“No, I do not doubt your commitment to the fight.”

Ellana looked at the stranger in confusion. “What exactly are these things you’ve heard?”

The stranger seemed to consider whether to tell her. “Only that you speak with–”

“I have hardly seen him since this began. Though I can’t say I’m surprised to hear people have been gossiping about this.”

“I imagine it adds to the myth surrounding you, when they hear their leader has the ability to speak to people in their dreams.”

Ellana froze, her eyes fixed on the stranger’s face. Her breath hitched in her throat as a slow realisation dawned on her. She studied his unfamiliar features, before returning her attention to his eyes. His blue, almost violet eyes. _Ability to speak to people in their dreams,_ Ellana could hear the words echo in her mind. The stranger was right, it would be one more fantastical story told of her, this one truer than the others. If their followers knew, they would undoubtedly discuss it. One small problem of course, she had kept her meetings with Solas secret from even her closest confidants in the camp. The only people who knew besides herself were Dorian and…

When she spoke, her voice was steady, “I think you have severely overestimated what I have told the others about our relationship, Solas,” Ellana said, her tone leaving no room for denial.

The stranger looked surprised at first but then a small smile appeared and the expression slowly turned into one of pride. Ellana now understood why he had seemed familiar to her, because while he was wearing another’s face, his expressions were still clearly those of Solas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you interested, I wrote a short one shot for Ellana and Solas, taking place during the Inquisition, I've now given them their own series on here, so you can easily find it. And if I end up writing more one shots (maybe from more Tumblr prompts, maybe something else) I'll add them to the series as well.


	21. Chapter 21

“I apologize,” Solas said, a small smile on his face, “I find I have underestimated you again.”

“Not really, I might not have realised it was you if I hadn’t chosen not to burden Cassandra or the other’s with the knowledge that we still speak.”

“Exactly,” Solas said.

Ellana looked around the camp, there was no one around (and so no one who could recognise Solas on sight), but she still wasn’t sure if he would risk it, if she asked. “Solas,” Ellana asked despite her own reservations, “could you… well, show me your _own_ face, I find it… _disturbing_ talking to you when you’re wearing another’s face.”

Solas smiled. “Very well,” he said. He moved a little closer, until their legs were touching. “Would you allow me to…” he lifted his hands, reaching for her face.

“What are you doing?”

“I know a spell that will allow you to look past the enchantment, it seems the more prudent route, considering where we are.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Ellana said, straightening her back and turning her face to him. “Go ahead then.”

Solas lifted his hands, and Ellana was immediately reminded of that night, almost four years ago. White light trailed from his hands, as his fingers traced the contour of her face, never touching her skin. The light spread across her face, she couldn’t feel it, but she could see its effects, because as she was looking at Solas’ face, the unfamiliar features melted away until she saw his actual face again. Ellana found herself automatically reaching for his face, brushing her fingers against his cheek. She frowned, looking at where her fingers touch his skin.

Solas covered her hand with his own. “What is it?”

Ellana shook her head. “I don’t… it’s silly.” She smiled and took her hand back.

Solas kept his eyes on her, asking her to explain it anyway.

Ellana sighed. “It’s just… I... I suppose I was expecting it to be different now that I…”

“Know what I am?” Solas asked.

“Yes,” Ellana bit her lip, “I’m sorry, I wish I could just ignore it, or accept it, or…”

“I understand, it would be asking a lot – from anyone – for you to not have any other questions.”

“I’m just surprised that I can’t tell the difference,” Ellana said.

“What would you expect to find?” Solas asked.

“I’m not sure, I just can’t imagine how you must have been before. Or how it can be that when I touch you I feel… _you_ feel real.”

“I have always been real,” Solas said patiently, “a strong connection to the Fade can enable one to shape many forms, including oneself, you have seen this yourself.”

“In the Fade? Yes, but that was different, that was in the Fade.”

“Where we were, physically,” Solas said.

“Still… were those tables, chairs, and statues really shaped by someone or were they just stranded there, after you created the veil?”

“I suspect a little of both,” Solas said, “but what about Cole than? He is here, outside of the Fade, and surely he is real to you.”

“Yes, but I’ve not… I’ve never been, well… _close_ to Cole.” Ellana thought back over the years. She wasn’t even sure if she had even ever touched Cole, gave him a hug or padded his shoulder or anything, but she had seen him interact with other things, and people, surely he was as solid as Solas was. “Besides, he can disappear into thin air! That’s not what a body does.”

“Cole doesn’t become immaterial, vhenan, he simply seems to disappear because people don’t see him, the two things are not the same.”

“And now he can enter the Fade,” Ellana said.

“As I have, as _you_ have, physically,” Solas said.

Ellana frowned. “I suppose.”

Solas’ expression was still filled with patience, but his eyes… he looked sad almost. “Ellana, I will understand if you are… _uncomfortable_ around me, now you know the truth. I will understand if you ask me to leave,” Solas said.

“What? No, I didn’t mean to imply that I wanted you to leave,” Ellana said, startled by the suggestion.

Solas seemed surprised, or perhaps just relieved.

“Did you expect me to want you to leave?” Ellana asked.

“Perhaps.” Solas looked at her, scanning her face for something – she did not know what. “I suppose I should not have expected that from you, considering the things you have so readily accepted about me.”

Ellana smiled tentatively, “Yes, when put like that it seems silly this would affect me so strongly.” Ellana shook her head, “I think I thought it would be different in the waking world, that you would feel more strange to me now. Less real maybe even.”

Solas reached out and squeezed her hand. “You believed you would notice now, when you have not before?”

“Yes,” Ellana admitted.

Solas’ other hand reached up to cup her face, gently pulling her closer as he leant in. He paused just inches from her face, looking up until she met his eyes, as if giving her a final chance to refuse, before he closed the space between them, his lips softly pressing against hers. “Does this feel stranger now?”

Ellana leant in for another kiss. “No, it doesn’t.”

Solas leant his forehead against hers.

“Solas, why are you here?” Ellana asked.

“I… I’m not certain,” Solas admitted.

“Solas, I have to ask you something, I discussed this with Dorian and after what I saw at the temple of Mythal, the one hidden in the forest, I just feel like…” Ellana’s voice trailed off as she lost her certainty. She trusted Dorian’s judgement on this and he had guessed it even before she had seen the murals at the temple, but Ellana wasn’t sure if she would want to hear the answer. She took a deep breath. “Solas, did you raise the Veil to stop the Blight?” Ellana looked up at Solas’ eyes and wondered whether he would even answer her if she was right. “I know you told me you had to raise the Veil to stop the Evanuris from destroying the world, but I just feel it has to be connected to the Blight somehow.”

Solas pursed his lips, clearly considering whether he would answer her. “It is,” he said eventually.

“So the Blight existed in the time of the ancient elves?” Ellana asked.

“Yes,” Solas said, “though I never expected it to do what it has done.”

“Then the Blight comes from the Fade? Is that what that mural meant?” Ellana asked.

“The Blight comes from the deepest parts of the Fade, a place no one should visit.”

“Banalhan,” Ellana said. **[“The Place of Nothing/ The Blight,”]**

“Yes.”

“If that’s true, why did the Veil not stop it? And why do the Grey Wardens think the archdemons are to blame for the Blights?”

Solas looked at her, clearly weighing his answer. “The Blight was unleashed by some of the Evanuris, those who sought the power of the Void to strengthen their own. They combined Void magic with lyrium, and infected themselves with it. In their greed for power, they did not wonder what the cost would be. The sickness spread faster through the lyrium than they could contain it, and eventually Mythal saw the need to lock the Deep Roads away, and the infected Evanuris with them.”

“Are you… do you mean the Evanuris are the Old Gods?”

“Some of them are, yes, they were one group once.”

“But locking them in the Deep Roads wasn’t enough?”

“No. They were in their dragon form, that stopped the spread somewhat – dragons are resistant to the Blight, as you learned from the dragon expert the Inquisition worked with – but the others…” Solas clenched his jaw. “The others did not take kindly to Mythal’s actions.”

“That is why they killed her?” Ellana asked.

“They killed her because she taught her followers it was possible to rebel against the gods.”

“You did not realise they would unleash the Blights on the world? That’s not why she turned against them?”

“No, at that time it was believed dragons were immune to the Blight, we had no real word for the Blight itself yet, we only knew that using Void magic could drive you to madness, and we believed dragon form protected you. Even after we saw the sickness of the Void – the Blight – spread through the lyrium, we did not believe it could do so to a person, until it did. Hundreds died, elves in service of the Evanuris, tasked with mining lyrium fell ill and eventually they all died. That was when Mythal realised the danger and locked it all away. It did not matter in the end, for even that cost was not high enough for the other Evanuris to stop wanting the power Void magic could give them. They soon set out for the Void, seeking its power.”

“And that’s why you had to raise the Veil?”

“They would have unleashed the sickness on the world, destroyed it,” Solas said. “I needed to block their access to the Void, and I could not do that without blocking our access to the Fade.”

“You said Corypheus used the magic of the Blight as well,” Ellana said.

“He does, in a similar, if cruder way.”

“How did he access it?”

“I believe he was infected when he breached the Black City.”

“You were so worried about the Blight, you cut off the Fade, even though you love the Fade?” Ellana asked. She felt fear boiling up in her, because she could not believe that Solas would have made that decision lightly, something big had to be at stake for him to choose cutting off the Fade from the world. “Solas, do you really think the Blight could destroy this world?”

Solas’ expression said it all.

“But you have a plan, to stop it, right? You wouldn’t risk taking the Veil down otherwise?”

“The Veil did not do what I designed it to do,” Solas said, “tearing it down now would not influence eliminate nor relieve the threat of the Blight. And it has not blocked those seeking its power from reaching the Void; I have seen Red Lyrium in the crossroads, it is likely someone has succeeded already – besides Corypheus.”

“That’s why you’re tearing it down?”

“It was a mistake, a plan I should have reconsidered, I should never have enacted, and now I must correct the mistake.”

“Even if it will cost all of our lives?” Ellana demanded, feeling her anger boiling up again.

“I never said it would,” Solas said, clearly not meaning to.

“What?”

Solas looked at the campfire; hiding his eyes from her. “There will be losses, but similar to when the Veil went up, not everyone will die.”

“I hope you don’t think that is comforting?” Ellana asked.

“It is little comfort to me, I would not expect it to be different for you.”

Ellana shook her head. “Have you considered correcting this mistake might be your new one?”

“I have to save my people, Ellana, I suspect you can understand the feeling.” He studied her face. “Or perhaps you cannot. Perhaps no one in this age truly can. The Dalish elves write romantic songs about a time when elves were immortal, without fully understanding what that means, what that meant for the knowledge you could gain, the things you could see, the relationships you could build. I destroyed all that. I killed all of you. Even if you had never received the mark, I am still responsible for your shortened life.”

“Our lives might be short, but that does not justify ending them before their time.”

Solas scoffed, “Before their time?” He looked around the quiet camp. “All the elves you’ve given refuge here, do you think most of their lives will not be cut short by this world? The closest thing left of my people – besides the few of us who survive in this world – are the Dalish, and you are but a shimmer of what the elves were, even you. You could be so much more.”

“Maybe I’m satisfied with who I am. And maybe the Dalish elves, the city elves and all the others are good enough as they are, maybe we don’t need to be like the elves of your time to live valuable lives.”

“You cannot decide that without knowing what I took from you.”

“What I saw in the Fade was wonderful, I would have loved to have been there with you in that time, but I’m not willing to risk the people of this world to gain that world.”

“It wouldn’t just be the world you would gain,” Solas said.

“Yes, future generations could live in it as well, live that quiet pace you talked about, but that’s not enough.”

“I’m not talking about the way of life,” Solas said, his anger suddenly flaring.

“Then what? What do you think it would take for me to be willing to risk this world? Is it the Blight, could we fight it better if the Veil was gone?”

Solas shook his head, “I already told you that!”

Ellana threw her hands up and got up from the small wooden bench. “Fine Solas, keep your secrets, but don’t expect me to under–”

Solas jumped to his feet and grabbed her arms. “I could save you.”

“The elves don’t need you to save them, and the ancient elves, couldn’t you bring them back into  this world? Save them like that?”

“No,” Solas said, his voice tense, “I could save _you.”_

Ellana looked confused. “From what? The anchor is gone.”

“Yes,” Solas said, frustrated.

“Save me from the Blight?” Ellana asked.

“No,” Solas said.

“Then what?” Ellana asked, equally frustrated.

“Mortality,” Solas said, “I could save you from mortality.”

Ellana blinked. Solas looked at her, there was a sadness in his face she didn’t understand. “Mortality?” she asked. And then finally it struck her, something she should have realised long ago. The elves were immortal, but when they were cut off from the Fade they lost their immortality, there were only a few ancient elves whose connection to the Fade had remained strong enough to keep their immortality. Solas was one of them, and she suspected Abelas was as well, but all other elves she had met were mortal.

“You mean, if the Veil is torn down, the elves will be immortal again?” Ellana asked.

Solas nodded. There was regret in his eyes, but whether he regretted telling her this, or having taken their immortality in the first place, she couldn’t tell.

“All of us?” Ellana asked, her thoughts immediately going to her clan.

“Those of you who survive,” he said after a beat.

“Oh.”

“You must understand I did not know that raising the Veil would do that to elves, so many things depended on our connection to the Fade, I never realised before.” Solas sounded like he was apologizing to Ellana, as if he had stolen something from her personally, even though she had been born ages after the Veil had been put into place.

“And you think the promise of immortality would be enough to make me agree with your plan?” Ellana asked.

“No,” Solas said, he let go of her arms. “I just want you to understand. I… I don’t want you to look at me like Corypheus; I want you to know my reasons are–”

“I might not even survive,” Ellana said.

“That chance is smaller than you might imagine,” Solas said.

“Because I’m an elf, or because I’m a mage?” Ellana asked.

Solas didn’t answer.

“I’m not the reason why you’re doing this,” Ellana said.

“No,” Solas admitted, “but I cannot deny I have thought of what it could mean for your life if I succeed.”

Ellana looked around the camp; their raised voices had attracted some attention. The few people who had come to see what was happening were all unfamiliar to her, but it was enough to make Ellana aware of the necessity for privacy. “Solas, will you come with me, to my home here, I don’t want to be here when more people show up, people who might ask me questions,” she said.

Solas raised his eyebrows. “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theory post for this chapter (mainly about the Blight, what caused it, where it came from and wtf archdemons are): http://dragonageinquisitionart.tumblr.com/post/143910808147/the-blight-speculation-theory
> 
> Also, sorry for the rather abrupt ending, but the chapter is so long and this is the only break I could see, plus the next one needs a lot of editing as it's probably going to be nsfw (unless I decide it's too much), so I thought you'd appreciate having an update before that one.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas and Ellana finally find some privacy and Solas takes the opportunity to confess two things to Ellana. Two things that might chance the way she thinks about him forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is nsfw, if you would like to skip it, you can. The two confessions in this chapter happen pretty much in the beginning, so after that you could potentially skip to the next chapter if you're uncomfortable, without missing anything too vital for the story.

Ellana took Solas’ hand and led him to the small cabin that functioned as her home. As she led him there, she became acutely aware of just how much privacy they would have, more than they’d had for years. Ellana opened the front door, and couldn’t help but think of what she wanted, had wanted for years, and of the possibilities this cabin provided.

Ellana struggled to take off her cloak, even though she was used to doing it one-handed, her nerves were getting to her this night. Solas moved from behind her, his hands tracing her shoulders as he reached for the string, his fingers brushing across her collarbone as he loosened the knot. Solas took the cloak from Ellana’s shoulders and hung it around the back of one of a chair. Ellana turned around to face Solas, both frozen in the moment.

It was dark in the cabin, but Solas’ face was illuminated by light falling through the small window above the door. Ellana wondered how many more times she’d get to see him like this. How many chances she would get before… Ellana felt her heart pounding as she reached out her hand to untie Solas’ cloak, it dropped to the floor as neither of them reached to catch it.

Their eyes met and Ellana was about to speak when suddenly Solas’ hands were on her hips, pulling her against him, his mouth crashing into hers. Solas’ arms moved around her waist, locking her body against his. Ellana, feeling the familiar desire well up inside, let her hand slip to Solas’ chest, her fingers fumbling with the unfamiliar clothes, undoing the buttons. Solas’ hands moved to cup her face, a soft moan escaping his lips as Ellana opened the last of the buttons and let her fingers brush his bare skin, coming to rest at the hem of his breeches.

Solas’ hand reached for Ellana’s, holding it in place. He broke off the kiss, “Wait.”

Ellana felt her heart sink at the sight of Solas’ expression.

“I’m not sure this is the best idea,” he said.

“I’m not sure I care,” Ellana answered, leaning in to kiss Solas.

Solas obliged, but then pulled away, though still smiling. Ellana tried again, but this time Solas took a step back from her. “It isn’t right,” he said.

“Why?” Ellana asked. “I know why you didn’t want to before, but now?” She shook her head, but when she looked at Solas, she could see there were more reasons than she suspected.

“I… there are things I’ve done,” Solas said.

“Things worse than what I already know about?”

After a beat Solas answered, “Yes.” Solas pursed his lips, as if considering one last time whether he would tell her. “Do you remember what I told you, about having to retake control of the eluvians?”

“Yes, I remember you told me you sent someone to take control from Briala. But they failed.”

Solas let out a bitter little laugh. “Yes,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Is that what you–”

“No,” Solas interrupted her. He lowered his eyes and took a deep breath. “The agent I sent to her, he did not fail,” Solas said, “he refused to help me, and I killed him for it.”

Ellana blinked, unsure of how to react.

“His name was Felassan,” Solas said, now looking at Ellana.

“Why?” Ellana asked, feeling too surprised by the confession to have any other reaction.

Solas shook his head. “Because I was hot-headed? Angry? Unwilling to compromise?”

“I…” Ellana’s voice trailed off.

Solas pulled close his opened tunic. “I did not want to listen to  him. But he was right,” Solas said so quietly Ellana was unsure whether the statement was meant for her.

She moved closer to Solas. “Why are you telling me this now?”

Solas looked up at Ellana as she approached him. “I want you to know who I am.”

“I do,” Ellana said.

“I want you to know everything.”

“Did you want forgiveness? Is that why you told me?” Ellana asked.

“if I did, you should not be the one to give it,” Solas said.

“Then why…” Ellana looked at Solas as he stood there, looking small. “You told me because you thought I would reject you if I knew?”

“I told you because I thought you have the right to know me, completely, even if you can’t accept it.”

“Who was he to you?”

“He should have been a friend, an equal, but I was too arrogant to see that then. Too eager to correct my mistake.” Solas shook his head. “I was still in disbelief over what I had done to the world, all I cared about was restoring what I’d destroyed.”

“And now?”

“Now… now all I can do is try to correct those mistakes that I can fix.”

Ellana reached out, cupping Solas’ face. “I understand.” Solas seemed surprised as she leant in to give him a quick kiss, but again Solas stopped her. “There’s something else,” he said.

“What?”

“I’m not certain it’s my place to tell you.”

Ellana was starting to feel frustrated. “Clearly you want to,” she said.

 “I’m not sure, it could be selfish of me to tell you,” Solas said, “telling you could cost you a friend, and I have already cost you enough.”

“I’m not sure I know what you mean,” Ellana said.

Solas pursed his lips. “I sent someone to join your cause, to… to –”

“ _Spy on me_? Like you did before, with the Inquisition?” Ellana asked, feeling surprised and utterly unsurprised at the same time.

“Yes, but you must know I did not realise you’d befriend him, that he’d become a close friend, I did not mean for that to happen… again.”

“A close friend who joined us later…” Ellana softly repeated to herself, and as she did, one name came to her mind. “Andar,” she said, and the realisation hit her harder than she would have expected, “you sent Andar to spy on me?”

“Yes,” Solas said.

Ellana turned her back on him and walked over to the window. Anger and hurt boiled up inside of her as she felt tears sting her eyes. “Andar is one of your agents,” she said to herself, feeling ridiculous for having fallen for it again.

“No,” Solas said, “I sent him to you, but he did not fulfil his purpose. Once he had met you, he joined your cause because… well, because you made him believe in you. You seem to have a talent for that.”

Ellana shook her head, “You mean Andar told you he wouldn’t send you reports on me?” Ellana kept her back to Solas.

“He chose to be at your side,” Solas said. “He believed stronger in your cause than mine. Even though I had promised him immortality.”

“So Andar failed you,” Ellana said, “but you let him live, where you killed Felassan?”

Solas swallowed hard, “I see things differently now,” he said.

Ellana took a deep breath, “That’s something at least.” After a long silence, Ellana spoke, “I… forgive you.”

“You do?”

“Yes,” Ellana said, half-turning to look at Solas. “I understand, even if I do not agree with you, I understand what it’s like to find a destroyed world and wanting to fix it.”

Solas frowned, “And you still… care for me? Even though…”

“Melanada. Ara lath ma melanda,” Ellana said. **[“Always. I will always love you.”]**

Solas’ eyes grew wide. In two long strides he was at Ellana’s side, and like she had done years ago, he turned her to face him, meeting her lips in a kiss. Ellana was taken aback, but soon she found her hand reaching for his face, brushing his jawline, cupping his face. She melted into his embrace.

Ellana’s hand slid from Solas’ neck to his chest, her hand pushing the opened tunic over his shoulders, this time Solas did not resist. The tunic pooled around his feet. Ellana ran her fingers across his bare skin. Between kisses she could hear her own heavy breathing – or was it his.

Ellana’s fingers moved to the laces of her own clothes, soon joined by Solas’ eager hands, undoing the laces until he could pull off her shirt. After that it was a blur of hands undoing clothes, eagerly pulling them off, discarding them all on the floor until both of them were down to their smallclothes.

Solas only looked as Ellana slowly took off her breastband, dropping it on the floor with the rest of the clothes. Solas’ eyes moved over her bare skin, the small scar under her ribcage, the many freckles on her terracotta skin. Solas sank to his knees in front of Ellana, his hands reaching out for her hips, pulling her closer to him. He kissed the small scar, then, slowly, his lips trailed a path along the small freckles on her skin. Kissing the ones across her ribcage, between her breast, just below her right nipple…

Solas’ fingers hooked behind the hem of her smalls, pulling them over her hips until they were around her ankles, and he gently pulled them over one foot then the next. Ellana couldn’t help but react to his touch. Her body shivering with the agony of anticipation. Ellana leaned down, her hand forcing Solas to look at her, then pulling him up to meet her in a fiery kiss. Pulling his naked skin against hers. Ellana broke off the kiss and took Solas’ hand, silently leading him to the small bedroom upstairs.

Once upstairs, Ellana pushed Solas towards the bed, he laughed a little at her dominating hand on his chest, but let her push him on the bed. Ellana took him in for a moment, looking at the line of his body as he lay there in her bed, only illuminated by the little moonlight falling through her windows, before joining him, her legs framing his hips. Solas pulled her in for a kiss, his mouth crashing into hers, the kiss even more hungry than before. Solas’ hands reached between them, his fingers tentatively exploring her breasts. Between kisses he whispered, “Ellana,” and his voice sent a tingling through her nerves. She let out a low moan, as Solas’ grip grew firmer. Solas slowly massaged her breasts, letting out a loud moan. Ellana looked at Solas, cocking an eyebrow. Solas smiled silently, then met her lips again.

Ellana broke away. “Solas,” her voice was husk against his ear, her teeth pulling at his earlobe for a moment before she started  kissing and nipping down his neck. Solas sucked in a shuddering breath through clenched teeth. Ellana kept it up until she reached the hem of his smalls. Solas’ smalls were laced up. Ellana sat up, her fingers already reaching for the laces. Solas let her, studying her fingers as they worked, nails briefly scratching his skin as she undid the laces. Ellana pulled his smalls down his hips and Solas eagerly kicked them off. Ellana looked at Solas, her hand exploring every part of him, feeling content as he shivered under her touch. As he seemed to want this as desperately as she did. A low moan escaping his lips as her fingers encircled him.

But then Solas gently pushed Ellana away. He ignored her look of confusion, locking one arm around Ellana’s waist and lifting her, flipping them both over so he was now on top of her. Solas dipped down, his tongue running along Ellana’s neck, then dipping into her mouth, the tip of his tongue running along the inside of her upper lip. He smiled at the soft pleasurable sounds that evoked from her, before leaning in and kissing her properly, deepening the kiss, as his hands explored her body.

Solas bit Ellana’s bottom lip before moving to kiss her neck, hungrily nipping at the skin, then running his tongue along her collarbone, his fingers tracing down her body to where she desperately wanted them. Ellana cried out Solas’ name in hitchy breaths as the touch of his fingers between her thighs became more adamant. Meanwhile Solas ran his tongue down her breasts, teeth nipping at extremely sensitive skin.

Ellana angled her hips so she could feel as much of Solas’ touch as he would allow, but he pulled back his hand. Solas grinned at her before dipping his head so he could run his tongue between her breasts, across the plain of her stomach, keeping his eyes on hers. Ellana gasped as he nipped at her hipbone. Solas’ breath felt cool against the heat between her legs. Solas pressed a kiss there before moving his hands underneath Ellana’s bottom and lifting her hips to meet his mouth. Ellana gasped as she felt his tongue between her thighs.

Solas made himself work, changing, adapting, until finding a pace that had Ellana writhing under his touch. Ellana felt Solas’ tongue working her sex as his fingers moved to open her, one finger dipping in, and when she let out a moan of pleasure, another. Solas worked to find the right angle, until Ellana gasped,  only pausing to grin at her from between her legs, before going back to lapping at her with his tongue. Solas’ fingers found the same pace as his tongue, and Ellana’s breathing became more erratic until she felt her body melt away. She felt lost in the darkness of the room except for where his touch sparked her into being.

“Solas,” Ellana said softly. Solas looked up at her curiously. Ellana moved to sit upright. “Lie down,” she said to Solas, and he obliged, lying down on his back, looking exposed and eager at the same time. Ellana sat down between his legs, her hand tracing every part of his skin except where she knew he most wanted her touch. She looked up at Solas and smiled at him, having far too much fun with it.

As her hand reach him, Solas instinctively moved to meet her touch, moaning as delicate fingers studied his form, before enveloping him. “Vhenan,” he whispered, as she slowly found a steady rhythm. Solas whispered something else in Elven Ellana couldn’t understand. She could tell the rhythm was already leaving him in tatters by his heavy breathing and the broken words escaping Solas’ lips.

Ellana dipped her head down so her tongue could join in. her tongue encircled him, the warmth of her mouth met him and he let out a moan. Solas seemed unaware of the little cries he uttered as she continued. Between shuddering breaths, Solas muttered something else in Elven that Ellana couldn’t make out. Ellana looked up from her effort of undoing him, “good, you like it then,” she grinned. “Tel Venavis,” Solas gasped, as her tongue was lapping at him for a quick moment. **[“Don’t stop.”]** Solas was visibly shivering under Ellana’s touch. Her mouth took him in again and he threw his head back, another moan escaping his lips, before Ellana abruptly stopped. Solas propped himself up on his elbows, looking at her with a puzzled look.

“I want you,” Ellana said, and she could see Solas understood what she meant. He immediately pulled her back on the bed. He covered her body with his, a shuddered breath escaping both of them as Solas pressed their hips together. Ellana realised she wanted to be as close to him as she could. She wanted him soldered to her. Perhaps part of her believed that way she could keep him here, and not lose him to his quest.

Ellana pushed against Solas’ chest and he followed her lead as she playfully, but decisively pushed him to sit back against the wall. She kissed him, her hand briefly brushing along his responsive length, before straddling his hips… and then, slowly, taking him deep inside her, evoking gasps from both of them. Ellana locked eyes with Solas as she slowly started to move. Solas’ breath caught in his throat as Ellana worked to find a rhythm that could work for them both. His hands came to rest on her hips, guiding the rhythm.

“Solas,” Ellana breathed against his neck. “Ellana,” he answered,  locking his arms round her. “Ellana,” Solas breathed, more urgent this time. “Solas,” she answered, meeting his urgency. “Ellana,” he breathed against her, his teeth sinking in the flesh of her shoulder. “Solas,” she answered, scratching nails down his back. They worked together like that, exploring the intimacy they’d both longed for but not found together until then.

“I thought I would lose you,” Solas said, his voice almost inaudible. “Once you knew who I am, after you found out what I’d done, after –“

Ellana stopped him with a kiss. “Tel’uth.” **[“Never.”]**

Solas eagerly reciprocated the kiss, biting her bottom lip, moaning into her mouth as he deepened the kiss.

 Ellana mouthed Solas’ name as she felt lost herself in the delicious oblivion of ecstasy.  Solas kissed her neck, his hand reaching between them to help push her over the edge. She shuddered in his arms as she reached her climax. Contented little sighs escaping her lips as the last wave of pleasure crashed over her.

Solas moaned at hearing the delicious sounds escaping Ellana’s lip, eagerly nipping at her neck before swiftly flipping both of them over so he was now on top of her. Solas dragged one of her legs up his hip so he could get a better angle, thrusting deeper, moving faster… pushing himself over the edge of his pleasure.  Ellana could feel Solas shivering against her body as he reached his climax.

Ellana could feel Solas’ laboured breaths against her skin as he came back to himself. They slowly untangled their bodies, lying down next to each other. Ellana felt Solas’ hand reaching for hers. “Var lath vir suledin,” she said. Solas met her eyes, and softly answered her, “Ar glandival.” **[“Our love will endure,” “I wish/ believe.”]**


	23. Chapter 23

Ellana woke up to Solas tracing kisses down her spine. She felt his fingers her cheek as he pushed a lock of hair out of the way so he could plant a final kiss on her cheek. Ellana rolled onto her back. There was a cool breeze coming from the open window, but she was barely aware of it; her skin was heating up under Solas’ touch as he traced the outline of her breasts, her waist, her hipbone. “Did you know, you have a small birthmark on your inner thigh,” Solas said, his fingers lingering on her hipbone.

“Really?” Ellana asked, her hand automatically reaching for her thigh.

“No, a little higher up,” Solas said, his hand slipping to the inside of her thigh.

Ellana laughed and Solas leant in to give her a quick kiss. “Sleep well?”

“Have you been awake long?” Ellana asked.

Solas smiled, “Yes, but I’ve managed to keep myself occupied.”

“So I’ve gathered.”

Ellana stretched a little, keeping her eyes on Solas as if still expecting him to disappear any moment. While Ellana had woken up next to Solas before, during the time of the Inquisition, they had never woken up together like this, after…

“I expected you to be gone, if I’m honest,” Ellana said.

“I cannot fault you for that,” Solas said, “but I… I wanted to stay. Just for a little while longer.”

“I’m glad,” Ellana said, moving to lay her head on his chest. “Maybe for now we can pretend to just be Ellana and Solas, no titles, no… nothing.”

Solas stroked her hair. “I would like that.”

Ellana sighed contently as Solas wrapped his arms around her. They lay there in the small bed for a long while, both silent for fear of breaking the illusion they’d created in the small bedroom. Both drifted in and out of sleep. Until eventually the sun was shining directly through the window, forcing them to wake up.

“I should leave,” Solas said and he moved to sit upright in the bed.

 “I’ll join you then,” Ellana said and followed his lead.

Solas frowned and looked like he was about to speak, but Ellana stopped him, “Don’t worry, I was jesting. I know we’ve been over this before; I know you wouldn’t want me to come with you.”

Solas pursed his lips, “And you would not ask, if you knew what I will have to do still.”

“I would,” Ellana said.

“The din'anshiral… it’s not just about what I will have to do, it’s about what I will have to sacrifice,” Solas said.

“I know,”  Ellana said, “I know tearing down the Veil will take everything from you. I know it might kill you. And if it doesn’t, you’re not sure what would be left of you.”

Solas’ brow furrowed. “How did you–”

Ellana let out a bitter laugh. “Because I’ve seen what unlocking the orb did to the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Because I know what Skyhold’s name was in your time; it’s where you did it – locked away the Fade – isn’t it?”

Solas nodded.

“And there is not a single piece of the fortress that looks Elven in design. That means the castle that stood there before was completely destroyed. I assume that happened when you raised the veil?”

Solas nodded.

“And I know locking away the veil caused you to sleep for millennia. So even if you did not tell me what you think it will cost you to take the veil down, I can imagine. And that’s not even taking into consideration that this time you want to reshape the new world as well.”

A small smile appeared on Solas’ face. “You are right.”

They were both silent for a little while. “I might still find another way,” Ellana eventually said.

“To convince me to abandon my plan?”

“Or to accomplish your plan,” Ellana said. “Maybe there is a way to reunite the Fade with this world without destroying its people.”

“Perhaps,” Solas said, but his voice lacked conviction.

Ellana got up and started to get dressed. “I don’t suppose we could have breakfast together?” she asked. “You could hide your face again, like you did last night.”

“I’m not sure that’s the best idea, vhenan.”

Ellana looked away. “Of course.”

Solas got up from the bed and walked over to where Ellana was struggling with the laces in her shirt. Solas cupped Ellana’s face with his hands, forcing her to look at him again. “But if you can bring food here, we could have breakfast in your bed.” Solas’ hands moved to her shirt where they started tying the laces.

Ellana smiled. “I like that plan,” she said. Ellana gave Solas a quick kiss and turned to leave the room.

Not paying attention, she almost knocked over the small table next to her bed. The table wobbled and a small ring fell off, landing on the ground. Solas reached over to pick it up. “What’s this? I have never seen you wear this,” he said.

“It’s…” Ellana shook her head, she had not intended to ever explain the ring to him. “Keeper Deshanna  gave it to me the last time I saw her, I suspect because she had heard _certain_ rumours about me. She wanted to remind me I’m meant to be Keeper one day. I think she’s let go of that idea now; I’ve heard she’s even began training  a new First.”

Solas studied the ring. “I think I have seen a similar design like this before,” he said. “It depicts–”

“You,” Ellana said. “It’s made from sylvenwood, and it depicts the Dread Wolf and his betrayal,” Ellana looked at Solas, “but I guess you already knew that.”

“I was aware of the custom, yes,” Solas said. Ellana remembered something Solas had once told her –  long before she knew who he was – how he had tried to contact the Dalish clans. Had he known before awakening how the surviving elves spoke of him? The myths they passed down to their children? The whispered curses using his name?

“It’s supposed to remind a Keeper of their duty to protect their clan against the Dread Wolf.” Ellana laughed, she couldn’t help it.

Solas kept his eyes on the ring, rolling it between his fingers.

“By the time this design came to be, no one remembered your true story,” Ellana said.

“Are you trying to make me feel better?” Solas asked, smiling.

“Perhaps, but it wouldn’t work if what I said wasn’t true.”

Solas put the ring back down on the table. “Don’t concern yourself, vhenan, I know the Dalish tales about me.”

“They could change.”

Solas walked over to Ellana and kissed her. “Don’t concern yourself, vhenan.” Solas stroked her hair. “You were going to get breakfast,” he said.

Ellana squeezed Solas’ hand. “I was,” she said, already waving him goodbye as she headed out.

Breakfast in the camp was usually prepared in a central location, for the majority of the people in the camp at least. It wasn’t unusual for Ellana to take breakfast in her home, so she knew there wouldn’t be any questions if she got some food for herself and Solas and retreated to her home again.

Ellana’s mood was positive, despite the brief reminder of the reality of their situation, and how it would keep them apart, so when Leliana approached her she wasn’t as surprised by her remark as she should have been.

“I see someone is in a good mood this morning,” Leliana said, carrying a bread roll and some soup, and barely hiding a grin.

“It always helps when the sun is out, and that is one thing Tevinter has enough off,” Ellana said, running a hand through her messy hair.

“Ah, but that is not the reason you are smiling, no?” Leliana smirked and her eyes positively twinkled.

“It’s one of them, certainly,” Ellana said, eyeing her friend with suspicion.

“But that smile must come from last night, no? Someone has been indulging themselves.”

Ellana felt her heart sink. _The camp had been deserted, no one could have seen Solas entering her cabin._

“I… I…” Ellana desperately tried to think of something to say. Her panic subdued somewhat when she realised Leliana couldn’t possibly realise who Ellana had spent the night with – because she would not look as pleased as she did.

“You are blushing!” Leliana laughed a little. “I think it’s good. Personally I would have expected it to be Andar, but I am happy to see you have some fun.”

“Andar?” Ellana shook her head. “It wasn’t… it’s not… let’s just drop it.”

“No! You must tell me who it was,” Leliana said, she hooked her free arm through Ellana’s, “you know how I adore stories!”

_Not this one_ , Ellana thought to herself. “Honestly Leliana, if I thought it was interesting enough, you’d be the first person I’d confide in!”

“Maybe I can meet this man,” Leliana said, “you are taking that breakfast to him, are you not?” Leliana started in the direction of Ellana’s home, dragging Ellana with her.

“No, please, I’m… I’m too embarrassed!”

Leliana laughed. “But that is only more intriguing! Who could you bed that you would blush like this!”

“Leliana, please.”

“All right, I will not tease you anymore,” Leliana let go of Ellana’s arm, “but when we meet this afternoon, you must tell me about him!” Leliana turned around and went to sit down at one of the long tables where the meals were eaten.

Ellana felt relieved when she was allowed to walk back on her own, that is, until spotting Andar standing at her front door, clearly waiting for her.

“Ellana,” he said when she was close enough to hear him. “Solas was here last night.”

Ellana wondered whether he meant in her home or in the camp.

“Truly?” she asked, feigning ignorance, and avoiding his gaze.

“I think you know,” Andar said, crossing his arms. “I saw him, Ellana. I am assuming he came to visit you.”

“Andar, I…” Ellana wanted to tell him that he of all people had no right to judge her on this, but she had decided to keep Andar’s secret. Despite Solas’ admission that Andar had been sent here as his agent, Ellana felt she could trust him, but she also knew the others would not were the truth revealed, and so she would not tell them. “Please keep that to yourself…”

“You’re afraid of how the others will judge you, because you know what you would say if you were not in love with him.”

“And what if I am? I am loyal to our cause, you cannot demand any more from me.”

“If I loved someone, I don’t think I could fight them, not even if the entire world was at stake, I suspect you and I are similar in that respect,” Andar said.

“And if you had the chance to save someone you loved, even if that meant standing against them, would you?”

Andar didn’t hesitate, “Of course.”

“So would I, take comfort in that.”

Andar was about to leave, when his eyes locked on the two bread rolls Ellana was carrying. “Who are you bringing breakfast?”

“Am I not allowed an extra piece of bread?”

“I don’t think you would risk someone going hungry by taking more food than you need,” Andar said, “besides, this is not a normal morning.” Andar abruptly opened her front door, went through it and ran up the stairs.

Ellana dropped the bread and ran after Andar. The house was such a mess –clothes spread from over the floor – that even if Solas had heard Andar and left in time, it would be clear something had happened.

When Ellana reached her bedroom, Andar was standing there alone.  There was no evidence that someone else had been there just moments earlier. But Ellana knew Andar would not be fooled by that.

Andar turned to Ellana. “I know what it’s like to love someone so deeply you would do anything to be with them, but we can’t afford to make ourselves more vulnerable to Fen – Solas – and his men than we already are,” Andar said.

“I am well aware of his power,” Ellana said, “more so than you, more than anyone else in this camp, I’d suspect.”

“I know–”

“More than I realise?” Ellana asked. There was a warning in her voice and Andar heard it. Without any further argument he turned and left the house.

Ellana let out a sigh of relieve and sat down on the bed; the sheets were still warm. Would Andar tell the others? He might if he truly believed her feelings for Solas jeopardized their quest. Ultimately all Andar wanted was a better life for the elves of Thedas. He had already betrayed one leader because he believed they were failing in this, he might do so again. Ellana could only imagine the restrictions Leliana and Cassandra would put on her if that were to happen. How often they would doubt her decisions.

Ellana looked at the sylvanwood ring still lying on the small table next to her bed. Maybe the only way to protect the people was to leave them. There were so many voices in this camp telling her what she should do; too many opinions she had to consider. Ellana could see the path she needed to take, even if the others did not.

Ellana rolled over in the bed, the sheets still held Solas’ scent and she was tempted to fall asleep. When she stretched her arm, she felt something hard and cold tugged away under one of the pillows. Ellana sat upright and removed the pillow. Underneath it was a small intricate object; its design was clearly elven. There was a small note next to it, Ellana recognised Solas’ handwriting.

_If you succeed in your plan, you will need to find me. Any Eluvian can guide you to my camp, if you know the words: “_ _Ar-melana dirthavaren. Revas vir-anaris”_

Ellana tugged the small object away in one of her pockets along with the note. There was no part of her that even considered telling the others about this key Solas had given her. Ellana knew beyond doubt that one day she would use this key, she wasn’t sure when that day would come, but she knew that when she did use it, she would do so alone.


End file.
